Absolutely Unsatisfying

Entering Catlettsburg, Kentucky on Interstate 64

With last night’s decision to escape the approaching storm, my 32 days of crawling across a continent are coming to an end. It was time to forget about the meander and hit the gas to get a move on it. I left Sutton, West Virginia, after a spectacular breakfast of my homemade granola with an apple from Nova Scotia; I’m only pointing this out because it was my ray of sunshine on an otherwise rainy morning on Interstate 79 before merging onto Interstate 64 in Charleston, West Virginia. It’s been almost three hours down the ugly highway system as I pass over the Big Sandy River into Kentucky, taking this photo from the driver’s seat.

Interstate 64 Eastern Kentucky

Out here on the interstate, the world is dark and dreary, not only because of the miserable weather. Monotony veering into boredom, aggression and impatience from other drivers, and the almost total lack of anything to captivate the senses all lend the impression of squandering time for the sake of covering distance. I’ve grown to hate this form of transportation; it sucks the color and joy out of anything that might be considered experiential, aside from the experience of banality.

KY-9002 a.k.a., the Bluegrass Pkwy in Kentucky

Four hours into hauling ass across Kentucky, I needed a lunch break, but not for Cracker Barrel, Bob Evans, Gino’s Pizza, Biscuit World, or McDonald’s, which were all well advertised on the freeway along with countless law firms, hotel chains, gas brands, health care options, or the many dedications to politicians, wars, or fallen police and soldiers. Figuring I might find some home cooking, as it’s often known (I grew up calling it Soul Food), I left the interstate in Lexington and found a little joint called Mimi’s Southern Style Cooking, but since when is a buffet about quality? Coming into the city and leaving it, it doesn’t matter if I’m in Modesto, California; Tucson, Arizona; Austin, Texas; Portland, Maine; or Lexington, Kentucky; we are a people needing vapes, Bud Light, scratchers, tattoos, drive-thrus, and the convenience demanded from people racing to find something elusive and always out of reach.

KY-9002 a.k.a., the Bluegrass Pkwy in Kentucky

Speeding across Kentucky was abysmal. I felt I betrayed myself by seeing absolutely nothing of the state. I’ve capitulated to the hegemonistic cultural hammer of suffering in the consumer space where I am in Everywhere, America, as defined by commerce and consumption. There is no escape from the machine out here on the interstate. Detouring out of the south to escape the rain, I’ve traded my sense of exploration and discovery for a different kind of reign that is forever relentless. Even phone service along the freeway is impeccable, unlike the majority of our days on vacation when the signal faded in and out. Having proper phone service means I’m always connected, be it for streaming music or podcasts. The ads can arrive without fail with the leash holding fast.

KY-9002 a.k.a., the Bluegrass Pkwy in Kentucky

There’s no spontaneity found at 75 mph, just the routine of watching vehicles in front, behind, and in the opposite direction; so I always know where everyone is. For a time, I thought I was out of the rain, and fortunately for me, the road was about to start a big curve to the left, letting me skirt that monster downpour in front of me.

Interstate 69 over the Tennessee River in Gilbertsville, Kentucky

While disliking my choice of leaving the two-lane byways, I also feel it was the right decision as driving in the rain was tiresome, making progress was becoming slower, and now that I know I’m speeding back toward Caroline, the excitement grows that I’ll be seeing her soon.

Tennessee State Line on U.S. Highway 51 in South Fulton, Tennessee

After a full day of driving over 500 miles (847km) to the Tennessee border, I was exhausted. I decided to go farther after finding a steak house called Abe’s Rib-eye Barn an hour ahead in Dyersburg, Tennessee. I was also seeing inexpensive hotels in the area while entertaining the idea that I was far enough away from the front of the hurricane at this point. I can’t tell how intuition worked in my favor on this day, but I skipped grabbing a hotel before dinner, which I’d typically do to put our valuables in the room. Instead, I continued to Abe’s. Chatting with my server there about our vacation and today’s change of plans, she told me that the first taste of the hurricane was coming up the Mississippi, arriving around midnight. I checked the forecast, and the area was supposed to see between two and three inches of rain tomorrow.

Bridge over the Mississippi River from Finley, Tennessee

As quickly as I could, I wolfed down my steak, realizing how fortunate it was that I didn’t have a hotel yet which allowed me to start searching for one farther west of me. I found availability two states over, hoping to get out on a more distant edge of the bad weather. Tensions in my gut were running high, or did I eat too much steak?

Over the Mississippi River entering Missouri

When racing along interstates with no time for real sightseeing, this is what the Mississippi River looks like to the driver.

Welcome sign to Missouri on U.S. Highway 155

After my early start today in West Virginia, I headed to Kentucky, Tennessee, and now Missouri, then continued until Paragould, Arkansas, a good distance from the Mississippi River.

Sunset in Arbyrd, Missouri approaching the Arkansas State Line on U.S. Highway 412

Color was again allowed to return to the world after I rejoined a two-lane highway traveling through farmland. I could comfortably stop for sunset near Arbyrd, Missouri, just a few miles from Arkansas and a dozen from my motel.

Solo Across America – Day 4

Sunrise near Alma, Nebraska

This was not the first sight that greeted me this morning; instead, I spotted a semi-truck driving by in front of the hotel while I was bringing my bags to the car. The trailer behind it was wide open and packed chock full of cow corpses with bloated bodies and hooves jutting to heaven. Good morning, rural Nebraska – or anywhere else with feed lots, I guess. While startling, maybe a bit weird, I wasn’t in any way disgusted. It’s the price we accept for beef raised on an industrial scale and mostly out of sight. As for the road ahead, it was bathed in golden light and welcoming me to enjoy another day on the road.

Riverton, Nebraska

I’ll spend a lot of time today on US Highway 136 and passing many towns, such as this one, which is nearly a ghost town. The name of this place is Riverton, Nebraska, and it has a functional post office and maybe a bar called Pete’s Place Bar and Grill that might be open occasionally.

Hemp growing next to the road in Nebraska

Not only are soybeans and corn in abundance, I’ve learned that hemp is growing everywhere. It only has the faintest scent of marijuana; it’s more of a fresh green plant smell than anything else.

Red Cloud, Nebraska

Here I am in Red Cloud, Nebraska, for the first time! Nope, that’s not true. When I called Caroline later in the day to ask about the Homestead National Historical Park she informed, “Yes, we’ve been there before, with Jay Patel back in 2004, and we also passed through Tecumseh, Red Cloud, and Crab Orchard.” No, is my memory really that out of whack? I planned this trip to take mostly new roads. We even have a map that shows the roads we’ve traveled before, but somehow my wires got crossed and I’m right back where I was 20 years ago. This is Red Cloud, just one of a few places I’ll revisit today.

Corn growing next to the road in Nebraska

Well, at least this corn wasn’t the same corn that would have been here in May 2004. Maybe the corn back then hadn’t even sprouted yet.

Sign pointing to the Trinity Lutheran Church in Friedensau, Nebraska

One good thing about a selective memory is that things can be new all over again. After getting to the hotel and seeing the sign for the Friedensau Trinity Lutheran Church 2.25 miles up a dirt road, I wish I’d made an effort to visit it. Hopefully, Caroline and I will pass this way again after I forget that I was here before, and she’ll remind me of this post in which I said it appears that the old church is well worth the visit.

Little Blue River seen from US Highway 136 in Nebraska

In the blog, the Little Blue River was disparaged 20 years ago as a muddy little affair that was not worth photographing. Well, the waters are clear today, and while not exactly abundant, I felt them worthy of a photo. I need to stop referencing our ancient history. Maybe it would have been better to write everything, and only when I was done, learn of my omissions.

Grain silo in Jansen, Nebraska

The good thing about this journey on US Highway 136 is that I’m taking my time and not racing through, which we were guilty of quite often back then. When we took that trip with Jay, it was a quick adventure across America via Yellowstone, across the Dakotas to Minnesota and Wisconsin before turning back west, all in a blindingly fast ten days. Today, I stopped in Jensen, Nebraska, when a particular sign and these grain silos caught my eye.

Golden Fried Chicken sign in Jensen, Nebraska

Here is a place certainly from a bygone era, once offering Golden Fried Chicken. There was a time when this was standard fare in every diner across America, but now it’s chicken nuggets, pizza, and fries. This is the sign I just mentioned, and I was already well down the main road when I decided to verify whether the faded sight I thought I saw was real. It was at my U-turn that I couldn’t leave the silo alone and had to capture it, too, which ultimately will help equate to too many images from this small town.

Old pay phone booth in Jensen, Nebraska

I say too many because this old, mostly intact phone booth is also from Jensen. Oh, how I wanted there to be a dial tone and a phonebook, but those things weren’t to be. I would have scrounged the change and called Caroline on a pay phone for the proverbial sake of it.

German National Bank building in Beatrice, Nebraska

What used to be a grand red brick building in Beatrice, Nebraska, that housed the German National Bank, probably at least until the late 1930s or early 1940s, is now a smoke shop selling Kratom and adult toys. Driving through Beatrice, it’s immediately obvious that this was once a very prosperous city, likely the kind of place in which MAGA talks to its residents. It was once that spot on the map that was great, so why not make it great again?

Drug store sign in Beatrice, Nebraska

These signs were symbols of prosperity when people invested in magnificent signage. Today, we hang plastic banners or paint something in the windows, as the proprietors know deep in their bones not to waste money on something when they’ll likely not even honor a full year of their lease. These things were lost when farming underwent fundamental changes involving efficiencies, consolidation, and corporatization. The distribution of wealth within the community slowly disappeared. Like the frog in a pot being brought to a boil, it doesn’t realize it’s being cooked until it’s too late. The communities watched a farm here and a farm there fall victim to load defaults, insufficient capital to update equipment and remain competitive, or the inability to attract the hard workers that made farms work back in the day. From a multinational corporation, private equity, or a wealthy individual, how is that money supposed to support these outposts in the middle of farmland? To make these places great again would mean a fundamental shift, either back to family farming on manageable pieces of land or by innovations that create localized wealth in a place reliant on these thousands of square miles of corn and soybeans growing in all directions.

Crab Orchard, Nebraska

As I saw this town creeping in on the map, you have to now understand that I thought this was the first time I’d ever seen a place called Crab Orchard. I thought the sound of it was nice and that it would be where I’d pull over for lunch. With a population of only 38 people, I was expecting a dispersed group of people spread out over more than a few acres. Taking this photo, I could see something ahead that caught my eye and curiosity. It was the remnants of a small town. There’s still a post office, but that’s about it.

Crab Orchard, Nebraska

There are many empty lots around what would have been called a town long ago. This “gravestone” stands at the site of the Methodist Church, which stood here from 1868 until 1987, when it must have burned to the ground. There was also a building that was the gas station and garage, but essentially, this is a ghost town, or will be soon. Now I have to look at signs along the highway that point to place names down dusty unpaved county roads, possibly towns similar to this almost forgotten outpost. Farming and prosperity are not synonymous across the heartland of America anymore. No wonder a vast constituency is pissed off, feeling like the wheels are coming off the machine that helped them pay their bills or maintain open schools, grocery stores, churches, or gas stations.

Mural for the Farm Bureau in Tecumseh, Nebraska

A fading Farm Bureau mural in Tecumseh points at what was once a major part of the glue that helped small farmers stay on farms. Economic power shifts, and market realities that fed the corn and soybean demands driven by fast and cheap food, silage for our cattle, and profits for conglomerates were no match for the needs of quality of life in rural America.

Auburn, Nebraska

It’s a bitter dish of economic reality turning sour on this corner of Nebraska. The good thing about focusing on nature and wide open spaces while ignoring the plight of towns and cities is that I can trick myself into witnessing an idyllic side of America that looks better. Maybe I should have been an investment banker. This beautiful town is called Auburn.

Half Breed Tract historical marker on US Highway 136 in eastern Nebraska

Ah, another of my axes I love to grind, overt racist shit. After tens, dozens, and hundreds of miles of soy and corn, even historic markers pique my interest as it’s something different, allowing me to shift my thoughts away from the predicament of these towns along the way. And, wouldn’t you know, the one I stop for is talking about “Half-Breeds.” How is this still standing here? How has it not been defaced? Oh yeah, look around you, John: lots of pasty-white people live out here and 27 Mexicans. The sign tells of Half-Breed Road; I wouldn’t have noticed if it hadn’t been pointed out. Still, I’m incredulous that these things haven’t been repaired.

Bridge over the Missouri River seen from the Nebraska side

I’m in Brownville, Nebraska, and maybe at a Lewis and Clark campsite, but the location could have been given the name to attract visitors as I’m not sure this is official. This is the Missouri River, and on the opposite shore is the state of Missouri.

Captain Meriwether Lewis Dredge in Brownville, Nebraska

This is the Captain Meriwether Lewis Dredge, a historic vessel, which can be visited by booking a tour after calling the phone number on the locked gate of the ramp. I failed to note the number for a future visit, though I’m almost certain I can figure it out should we ever stroll through again.

Entering Missouri

Up there on one of the beams is the sign demarking the Missouri State Line.

Corn in Missouri

Aside from sweltering humidity, more corn, and soybeans, the first big differences between the state I left behind and Missouri are fireworks and weed, as in the recreational form of cannabis. That was Missouri, at least the small corner I passed through.

Iowa State Line

Welcome to Iowa, home to more corn and soy.

Harvey's Chicken Inn in Creston, Iowa

This second reference to fried chicken today, found here in Creston, Iowa, at Harvey’s Chicken Inn, suggests a mid-west/Great Plains tradition of fried chicken dinners. Now I want some.

Osceola, Iowa

This is not a fried chicken restaurant in Osceola, Iowa, where I’ll be spending the night, nor is it my hotel, that’s across the street.

Evergreen Inn in Osceola, Iowa

I’m at the Evergreen Inn in a small but cute enough room with everything I need, including the bargain price of about $60 for the night. I wonder if I’ll dream of corn and soybeans.

Mother and Son Going to Buffalo, NY – Day 15

Missouri

In the light of day, the room could be called old, rustic, or plain old crappy. Mom thinks Psycho is more fitting. We have concluded Weaubleau is pronounced WeBlow, and we wanna blow this town. Before we even emerged from our cabin, granny, her sister, and maybe Mr. Bates were setting up a yard sale. Mom takes a look at the stuff spread out on tables and can see her own past scattered amongst the junk. From Las Vegas ashtrays she’s owned to a heater she used in Angola, New York, while the sliced-up shower curtain only added more worry.

Missouri

Leaving town, we drove past one of the guys from Deliverance. A shave, shower, and some dental work were in order. Missouri is definitely a state with rich contrasts. What the amenities failed to deliver on, the beauty of the landscape makes up for.

Missouri

Breakfast was at 54 Café in Nevada, not the state: I meant Nevada, Missouri.

Kansas

Nothing else much happened this morning as we were driving out of Missouri. Then, in the early afternoon, just before we were about to turn right, a procession of wide-load vehicles was coming our way. The lead vehicle pulls into the middle of the street with flashing lights to alert drivers in both directions to slow down. I can see a truck approaching, hauling a giant pipe about to make a right on our road. So I pull closer to the right. After the first truck passes, the follow vehicle leaves its position to race ahead of the first truck. We see another exact configuration approaching.

While Mom and I sit at the stop sign, the second lead vehicle stops in the middle of the road just as the previous guy did. A tow truck driver behind the lead vehicle is not paying attention, and before he knows it, he is approaching way too fast. With a Lincoln Town Car on his hitch, he locks up his brakes, and as he begins to slide right to avoid the stopped lead vehicle, he is heading directly at us.

There is no doubt in my mind that we are about to be T-boned by this freight train and that if I’m hit, I am certainly going to die in the wreckage. As he is sliding at the speed of sound, I hit the gas after contemplating putting it in reverse but decided I may not be able to do it quick enough, and if the transmission hesitates even a second I’m still going to be hit. As the car accelerates quickly, I have to maneuver over gravel under the right tires and try not to lose traction as, again, I know we are close to being hit.

I am nearly around the corner and thinking about driving down the embankment to save us from being jackhammered as I see his bumper in my peripheral vision with the rearview mirror reflecting his red tow truck and the white smoke billowing out of his locked and skidding tires. We miss sliding into the ditch with the tires holding traction and we continue accelerating down the road as fast as we can. The tow truck, at one point, could not have been more than a few inches away from us.

Kansas

A quarter-mile down the road, gasping for air and nearly in tears, we pull into a driveway to catch our breath and check our underwear. Just as we exit the van, the old guy in the tow truck passes us with a brief, casual wave and a cigarette dangling from his lips as though this was routine in the course of his daily routine. Mom suppresses the need to flip the man a bird and we get back in the van and try to calmly drive away.

I require an hour or two before feeling like things have calmed down and that my adrenaline won’t trigger some kind of heart condition. I’m done with Kansas and am now ready to leave the state.

Kansas

I should point out that this tow truck, but especially the Lincoln Town Car, was especially traumatic to mom as just two months ago, on May 5th, while leaving the freeway in Phoenix, mom rolled her own white Lincoln Town Car that required her to be airlifted to the hospital. Maybe that close call with the possibility of a deadly outcome was what motivated her to want to see the city of her birth one more time. Then here we are out in the middle of Nowhere, Kansas, and the haunting image of the killer Town Car was trying to collect the soul that had been spared fairly recently.

Slow down, take deep breaths, and things will be fine.

Kansas

I do love Kansas. When Caroline and I first passed through this state five years ago we were enchanted with the places we saw. The Great Plains have a different kind of beauty than the heavily wooded eastern U.S. or the mountainous western states, but the charm is undeniable.

Kansas

I feel that there’s much to explore out here, but with over 600 miles we’re trying to cover today, we don’t have the time to collect place names or linger to admire the finer details.

Kansas

Why were the lights flashing here? There was no train. I waited as I really wanted to see one lumber by out here on the Great Plains, but there was nothing.

Kansas

No, Mom, we are not stopping for ice cream, pie, walleye, pizza, a bakery, a fruit stand, or a winery. I’m stopping to look at the horses because one of them is telepathically signaling me to rescue it from the other horses that are forcing it to herd with them when it just wants to be free.

Kansas

Passing over the Cimarron River, we are close to leaving Kansas.

Oklahoma

Can someone, anyone, tell me why it is hotter out here on the plains than it is in the deserts of Arizona? At a gas station, the sign says it’s 108 degrees, but the attendant said someone reported an asphalt temperature of 136 degrees down on the interstate. The humidity is starting to fade the further west we go, but this is still an overwhelming scorcher of a day.

Oklahoma

The sights of roadside America leave indelible impressions in my mind, but with photos, I can share the things I’ve seen in my past with my future self and, of course, with Caroline, who wasn’t able to travel with us. Lucky her.

Oklahoma

Sunflowers are the plants of smiles. Who can look at a field of these yellow and black plants and fail to find a moment of happiness? Or maybe I’m just projecting this as knowing we are about to enter Texas; I know I’m only a couple of states away from getting back to Arizona and into the arms of my wife.

Texas

Leaving Oklahoma using small back roads, we do not find anything that hints at an upcoming spot for dinner. The first couple of towns in Texas are not delivering any promise either. Then, about to enter Canadian, Texas, we see a billboard directing our attention to the Cattlemen’s Exchange Steak and BBQ Restaurant. This place is drawing us in.

Texas

The Cattle Exchange Restaurant in Canadian, Texas, has by far the BEST steak I have ever had in my life! EVER! They have the best bread pudding, too. Their salsa is homemade and GREAT! Their bread is unbelievable! But that RIBEYE STEAK is the thing you (and with that, I mean: I) will come back to Canadian, Texas, for.

Forget Morton’s, Fleming’s, Ruth’s Chris, and any other contender. The Cattle Exchange in the little town of Canadian in the Texas Panhandle has set the bar for the best mesquite broiled steak in the Universe. And best bread pudding. The ranch dressing is no slouch, either. – Yeah, I was impressed. If you don’t someday make your way to this little corner of the panhandle of Texas for this wonderful treat, you are truly missing out on life.

Texas

Leaving Canadian we drive by some well-kept, beautiful old homes and a meticulously renovated old theater. Outside of town, the landscape is lusciously green. Mom exalts high praise on the state she was afraid was too boring and ugly for her tastes, a newfound appreciation has been found.

We breeze by Amarillo and stop in Vega at the Bonanza Motel, where, for $45, we have a room on Saturday night that isn’t the backdrop for some horror plot. Tomorrow, we will be home.

Mother and Son Going to Buffalo, NY – Day 14

Illinois

Our goal today is to go far. Finding a balance between taking small roads to avoid large cities and their inherent congestion and making quick time seems mostly impossible. We get out of French Lick and head over to Montgomery, Indiana, before stopping for breakfast at a little Amish-influenced place. By setting ourselves in motion, it feels like progress is being made right away. Before we know it we are crossing into Illinois and are almost halfway across the Midwest.

Illinois

U.S. Route 50 takes us straight through farmland, allowing us to travel nearly at the speed of the freeway but without the semi-trucks and endless franchises that define America’s main arterial roads. I prefer to lose 30 miles per hour for the calm tranquility of passing fields of corn that are so close I can reach out and touch them or maybe just stop and photograph a field of it as a reminder that I’ve been here.

Illinois

There’s a lot of corn grown in this state, but by the time we reached Odin, Illinois, where we picked up some fresh tomatoes being sold next to the road, it was time to step south in order to give a wide berth to St. Louis and avoid even a hint of the suburbs. Great, now we have tomatoes, but not a grain of salt. We need a store or a fast-food restaurant.

Illinois

In Pinckneyville, Illinois, we spot a McDonald’s and score a few salt packets so we can start enjoying the tomatoes. A place across the street offering oil changes allows us to have some basic maintenance done on Mom’s van, which has already been driven more than 4,500 miles on this trip. The guy’s hopefully removed some of the ticks out of the car when they vacuumed it. We don’t know for certain that there were any ticks in the car, but Mom was worried after all my stops to take photos.

Illinois

About to leave Modoc, Illinois, across the Mississippi River by a small ferry for $8, heading into Saint Genevieve, Missouri.

Illinois

At 100 degrees on the river with what feels like an equal amount of humidity, we might as well be in the river. Except, the last place I want to be right now while riding a ferry across the mighty Mississippi River is on a capsizing boat taking us to nice dry land on the other side in a different state.

Missouri

Collecting more ticks, so my neurotic mother is more occupied with pestilence instead of food.

Missouri

The torment that must exist in my mom as she vacillates between imagined variants of the plague and the overwhelming desire for calories to regulate her serotonin would push lesser people into therapy. Again, we are at the point where it’s too hot to do anything but seeing the Charleville Vineyard here in Ste. Genevieve, she’s all of a sudden energized into buying more wine. If you’ve been keeping track, you wouldn’t be wrong in assuming we have quite a few cases of wine stowed here in the van.

While you’d never guess it from the picture I captured at a moment with no one else in sight, the Old Brick House was packed, so we went over to the Anvil Restaurant, which was the second recommendation. The Anvil has been open since 1855 and has the best onion rings mom and I have ever had. I had a chicken fried steak that was the daily special, while mom opted for a burger.

Missouri

Looking at the path our road trip took, I’m left wondering years later what exactly was the motivation for the drive south only to turn north again, but that’s what we are doing today instead of holding a steady westerly direction. Here we are on one of those northern legs about to cross the Missouri River.

Missouri

Of course, there’s more corn out here; it’s the Midwest, right?

Missouri

Crossing the Missouri River, we arrive in the unincorporated area known as Dutzow. It’s the Blumenhof Vineyard & Winery that drags us out of the car. Mom purchases even more wine. Further west on the river is the city of Hermann, Missouri. Why are we here? Lunch, shoes, ice cream? Nope, more wine. Back in Dutzow, the proprietor told Mom of the Hermannhof Winery. Mom goes berserk and is about to leave with two full cases. One half a case is for Caroline, but after sampling their sparkling grape juice, we left with a case of it too.

Missouri

Back across the Missouri River on a road that will keep us the closest to the river until we have to turn south again.

Missouri

Our turn south was happening in Jefferson City, Missouri, which also serves as the location to have dinner. We’re not done driving yet, as we are determined to cover more ground today before exhaustion sets in.

Missouri

Highway 54 takes us past the over-commercialized Lake of the Ozarks area, but not before we stop for a Custard at Andy’s in Osage Beach. We make it as far as Weaubleau, Missouri before I’m just too tired to continue on. The Weaubleau Motel offers small cabins for only $40, including tax and cash only. The pillows are sofa pillows, the shower has a sizable colony of spiders in residence, and the place is at least 20 degrees hotter than outside. The last temperature we saw 45 minutes before checking in was 91 degrees; this room is well over 105. The air conditioner makes a valiant attempt to cool things, but after 30 minutes, it’s still ridiculously hot. Only $40, hmmm, maybe not the best bargain, but then again, I was about to pass out on the road.

America – Day 3

Bathtub fixture at cheap motel in Atchison, Kansas

We got into Atchison, Kansas, late last night and grabbed the first cheap motel room we could check into. When we woke shortly after 6:00 a.m., we discovered that our shower/bathtub had barnacles growing on a fixture; this was a first and a memory that will always stick with us on the list of lodging atrocities we would encounter on our many trips where cost played a bigger role than comfort or cleanliness.

Amelia Earhart Birthplace Museum in Atchison, Kansas

Guess what’s open at 7:30 in the morning? Not the Amelia Earhart Birthplace Museum. Take a picture to remind us that if we are to visit this corner of America again, we’ll stop in. We did have a nice visit with a ginger cat that meandered over to us for a rub.

Missouri river at dawn in Atchison, Kansas

Our first glimpse of the Missouri River shortly after dawn. We’ll be heading north this morning.

Osange Orange along the road north of Atchison, Kansas

When we spotted this mutant baseball on the side of the road, it screamed out for attention. Neither Caroline nor I had ever seen one of these and could not make heads or tails out of what it might be. If only mobile internet existed, we’d be able to search for what it is, but we don’t even have a GPS or a cell phone. We do have a paper map but it doesn’t have a roadside guide to strange plants or fruits find on the way to your destination. It turns out that this super sticky grapefruit-sized ball of latex that was almost impossible to open is an Osage orange.

Caroline Wise standing in front of the Jesse James Home in St. Joseph, Missouri

Guess what’s open at 8:45 in the morning? Not the Jesse James Home. Well, at least we’re getting a good orientation of what’s where here on our cross-country road trip. We see the Psychiatric Museum as we are passing through St. Joseph, Missouri, and make note that we should investigate if it’s worth a visit. What brought us to St. Joe in the first place was that an old friend of ours named Mark Shimer grew up here hating it, seemed like a good enough reason to drive through.

Truman Home visitors center in Independence, Missouri

Disillusioned with St. Joseph and only able to find a McDonald’s and the stupid Egg McMuffin available for breakfast, we leave disheartened. Maybe a visit to the closed Psychiatric Museum could have helped alleviate the anguish, but they were as open as everything else we were trying to visit way too early in the day. We turned the car south and headed for the Missouri River, figuring that might be a scenic route. On the way, we spot the signs directing us to Independence, Missouri, and the many homes of President Truman. He seems to have moved around a lot as a youngster. Now, with something finally open, we opt not to go on the tour as though we started this journey with the idea of not being beholden to the clock; something is prodding us to go east. So we leave.

The Missouri river in Missouri

For hours we do our best to trace a path along the Missouri River and occasionally are rewarded with great views.

Rhineland, Missouri along the Missouri river

This is a tiny village of 217 acres and, according to the 2000 census, 176 people. It is called Rhineland, and we had to stop because of Germany. There were no wurst stands, no wine, no autobahn. It seems like they simply borrowed the name and forgot to bring the culture. Not even a bit of good bread.

A barn along the Missouri river somewhere in Missouri

A cool barn that appears to be on a fertile floodplain of the Missouri River. Probably not a great place to hang out during floods.

Caroline Wise and John Wise stopping for a selfie in front of a Lewis & Clark trail sign in Missouri

This is the first time EVER that Caroline and I stopped at a sign designating that we were on the Lewis and Clark Trail, but it won’t be the last. Hmmm, I wonder if my beard will one day turn gray?

John Wise at the Missouri Meerschaum Company

Guess what’s open at 4:30 in the afternoon? Not the Missouri Meerschaum Company. I wanted a corncob pipe, and I wanted one bad because I had some stuff to smoke and only a corncob pipe was going to do. Instead, I have to leave empty-handed. While we found some corncob pipes somewhere else in Washington, Missouri, I couldn’t be certain that they weren’t cheap Chinese knockoffs. Damn it.

Gateway Arch in St. Louis, Missouri

We’ve reached the Gateway Arch in St. Louis. Sure, it would probably photograph better in the middle of the day while the sun glistens on the metal frame, but today, in the middle of America, nothing is open. Hey, how about a ride up to the viewing platform in the Arch? Oh yeah, it just closed for the day.

Caroline Wise and John Wise in front of Gateway Arch in St. Louis, Missouri

This was the last time I ever let someone else take my photo instead of just shooting a selfie. Do I look fat here? From the Arch, we headed over to a vegetarian place operated by some devotees of Hare Krishna called Govinda’s. Great food and a nice environment for a place without meat. In case you didn’t know, Caroline is in a vegetarian phase, and after some initial struggle from me, we get along with me forsaking the flesh from time to time. With a burst of energy, we pointed the car towards Indiana and took off. The next stop was the Amoco Motel in Haubstadt, Indiana. Only our third day out, and we are now almost 2000 miles from home.