Jutta in the California Desert

Jutta Engelhardt and Caroline Wise at Joshua Tree National Park in California

After a good long rest to get over jetlag, we were on our first getaway with a weekend trip to California.

Joshua Tree National Park in California

Our first stop was at the Joshua Tree National Park.

Joshua Tree National Park in California

We took our time strolling through the desert so Jutta gets a nice close look at the details of what lives here.

Joshua Tree National Park in California

From dragonflies to tarantulas, we spotted more than a few signs of wildlife calling this home.

Jutta Engelhardt at Joshua Tree National Park in California

I’ve said it before, but it bears saying again: it might have taken me a long time to get my mother-in-law to show us a natural smile, but she finally got it figured out.

Joshua Tree National Park in California

Along the way, Caroline has been doing a workbook so she could earn her Junior Ranger badge. While Jutta is actively participating in helping Caroline, the prize will be Caroline’s alone.

Caroline Wise at Joshua Tree National Park in California

Back at the visitor center, Caroline turned in her research and studied answers and was once again sworn in as a Junior Ranger.

Mother and Daughter

Jutta Engelhardt and her Daughter Caroline Wise in Phoenix, Arizona

This visit with Jutta will be different than all of her previous vacations to America. This is a slow trip. During the other times in the United States, we always had epic road trips across America in order for her to catch up on a lifetime of never having been here. We wanted her to see as much as possible and so we took her to New York City and the Statue of Liberty, the White House in Washington D.C., the Florida Keys for snorkeling, New Orleans, Yellowstone, the Grand Canyon, Death Valley, Alcatraz, and a thousand points between. With her hip limiting her mobility and her strength not what it used to be, we are taking it easy and just letting her spend time with us in our normal routine. Of course, there will be some short excursions but nothing too taxing.

Jutta Back Behind The Wheel

Jutta Engelhardt driving in Colorado

Fresh off the plane and on our way south. When I offered Jutta the opportunity to drive the car, she jumped at the chance. On a previous visit back in 2005, she also took the wheel with me out on a road trip, the first time in more than 20 years since she’d driven last. I thought she might be too jet-lagged to be sharp about things, but I guess the thought of driving once more in America was the jolt of energy that cleared away that fog.

El Camino Family Restaurant in Socorro, New Mexico

To not fatigue Jutta or have her gimp hip sitting too long in the car, we stayed in Socorro, New Mexico, for the night. This was not her first time here. During the winter of 2007, we dragged her out for New Year’s Day to Bosque Del Apache National Wildlife Refuge on an icy morning for her to witness the lift-off of some 30,000 snow geese at the break of dawn. She also ate here at El Camino Family Restaurant, as we always eat here, some days even multiple times a day.

Jutta Engelhardt at El Camino Family Restaurant in Socorro, New Mexico

After dinner, we had pie and coffee while kicking back at the diner. That’s the American way.

Heading For The Exit

Ausfahrt Frei Halten! Do Not Block The Driveway - Frankfurt, Germany

This is how I feel today, Ausfahrt frei halten! Do not block the driveway! We are about to pull out of having parked ourselves in Frankfurt and don’t need to have anyone blocking our way; yes, we do.

A sign pointing out a few details regarding the old city wall in Frankfurt, Germany

This small sign is attached to a large wall, actually a small segment of what remains of the Staufermauer – old city wall. Built around 1180, the sign notes that this section was rebuilt in 1711 after the adjoining Jewish ghetto burned down.

Sketch of the old Jewish ghetto in Frankfurt, Germany

We were on our way to the former location of the Jewish ghetto and a museum that has been dedicated to this part of Frankfurt’s history. This sketch by Peter Becker from 1872 titled “Hinterhäuser in der Judengasse” is part of the depiction and uncovered ruins that had been the small corner of Frankfurt where Jews were segregated over the centuries.

Basement and foundation walls uncovered in the old Jewish quarter in Frankfurt, Germany

During excavation for a new building, the foundation walls and basements of the old Jewish ghetto were uncovered. It was originally the plan to simply build over them, but protests helped create the situation that the city and builder agreed to build a museum as a memorial to the dark history of Jewish isolationism that occurred not only in this city but in cities across Germany. Many of those people who walked the narrow streets and alleys in this compact, unsanitary ghetto were murdered during World War II.

Model showing the relative compactness the Jewish ghetto was forced to occupy in Frankfurt, Germany

This model in the Judengasse Museum depicts the cramped quarters Jews were forced to live in. Not only were they living with overcrowding due to the tiny area, but they also had little access to clean water and were often victims of crime and exploitation. In the 1860s there was a lifting of the ban that prohibited their travel. Many Jews tried leaving for what was thought were better lives in other cities, but that would all be crushed 70 years later with the onset of war.

Artifacts from the old Jewish ghetto on display at the Judengasse Museum in Frankfurt, Germany

There are a number of artifacts on display that were excavated during the archeological dig that ensued following the decision to protect the ruins of Judengasse. Another display features a few remaining parts of the old synagogue that was destroyed. It starts to become depressing here seeing items that had been handled by people who may have been marched out of their homes and deported, only to be murdered at the hands of people filled with rage and politically motivated hatred.

A Mikwe (ritual bath) among the ruins of Judengasse in Frankfurt, Germany

There are a couple of Mikwe (ritual baths) that were uncovered and are now viewable as part of the museum. Sadness accumulates while looking in and walking upon the stone passages that had once been used by people who unceremoniously were taken away and their memories buried along with their tortured souls. I need to get out of here.

Marker showing one of the people who had been buried in the Jewish cemetery prior to its destruction during World War II

Next to Judengasse is what remains of the Jewish Cemetery. During World War II, it was destroyed but following the war, it was partially restored and set as a memorial to honor those who died here. While walking along the wall, I came upon this marker, noting that Dora Kirchhoff, once a resident of Judengasse died during the war. Kirchhoff is a variation of the spelling of my maternal family name. One other interesting factoid I learned while here, the houses in which Jews lived had symbols on the outside of their homes; this often led to what they would take as their last names. The house with a red shield on it (Rote Schild) became Rothschild – yes, that Rothschild.

Caroline Wise at McDonalds at an automated ordering station in Frankfurt, Germany

The good old Hamburger Royal with Käse – a quarter pounder with cheese can be ordered in Frankfurt on these automated kiosks to save you the time of standing in line. Of course, we ate at McDonald’s in Germany; it’s the Hamburger Royal, after all.

Katharina Engelhardt, Caroline Wise, Jutta Engelhardt, Stephanie and Klaus Engelhardt, and John Wise in Frankfurt, Germany

With less than 24 hours to go, we finally get a group picture, even if it’s a little cramped. From left to right: Katharina Engelhardt, Caroline Wise, Jutta Engelhardt, Stephanie and Klaus Engelhardt, and John Wise. Had we had another set of hands in the garden that could have snapped our photo, I would hopefully not loom so large over on the right side, but these self/group photos are a difficult task.

Schwanheim train station just outside of Frankfurt in Germany

From visiting Jutta, we continued on the 12-train line out to Schwanheim for a visit to one of Christian Engelhardt’s favorite restaurants. He was Caroline’s paternal grandfather, and I needed to know what an old German guy thought was great food, as I have come to know that this man loved food, something he and I have in common.

Grüne Sosse from Frankfurter Hod Seppche in Schwanheim, Germany

The place of our pilgrimage is called Frankfurter Hof Seppche. Staying with the theme of trying Frankfurt specialties, we start the meal with händkase, and Caroline opts for another apple wine. I ordered the giant plate of meat with roasted potatoes and mushrooms and loved it. The grüne sosse just seems like the perfect meal for Caroline, and she orders it for the last time during this visit to her home country.

The sign outside of Frankfurter Hof Seppche with a Bembel as part of it. In Schwanheim, Germany

Leaving Seppche, we take notice of their great sign, a Bembel surrounded by a wreath. Back when I lived in Germany, I thought German food was boring. Nothing but boiled flavorless foods, oh, how I was wrong. I suppose I should reevaluate a lot of my perceptions and prejudices I entertained back in my 20s and early 30s, but today, right here, right now, is not the time as I race the clock to finish yet one more blog entry.

On streetcar number 12 back to Frankfurt

Back on streetcar number 12 for our return to Frankfurt. How long before our next visit? I hope it’s not another 18 years.

Winding Down

An old variation of the strawberry available in Germany

Seventy-two hours to go before we depart on our return to America. Time is short. What hasn’t been done by now won’t be. That isn’t to say there is nothing to do. We won’t sit still twiddling our fingers. Matter of fact, we would have headed north tomorrow to Köln (Cologne) and then over to Venlo, Holland, but a cold rain has set in over central Europe, so we’ll hang out and keep Jutta company. During the early day today though, we have some chores. First up was buying a guitar case for a guitar owned by Caroline’s grandfather. Having the car today instead of taking the train creates huge delays, as finding parking is never easy if there isn’t a nearby parking garage. By the time we get to Bergerstrasse, we’re both super hungry. On the way to pick up a sandwich through the Saturday open-air market, I spotted these strange-looking berries that I wasn’t sure if they were raspberries or strawberries. Turns out they are an old-fashioned type of strawberry not cultivated for mass consumption anymore. Maybe they’ll make a comeback with their incredible flavor, which is not 100% strawberry. But they are expensive at $6.00 for two small handfuls of the super sweet-tasting berries.

Pork belly in Frankfurt, Germany

Weeks ago, I wrote of my being enamored with pork-belly sandwiches, with only a couple more opportunities to delight in them; this was my choice for breakfast today. During this time, I’ve nearly become friends with one of the ladies who works here at Erich Zeiss Metzgerai (butcher). While I fetched my meal, Caroline was back over at Bäckerei Kamp (bakery) getting a full-grain dark bread sandwich with brie, cucumber, lettuce, and lingonberries, also a favorite of ours. She also picked up a couple of slices of strawberry cake that we were taking to share with Jutta.

Map of the Frankfurt area train system

Having found a great parking spot, we were loath to leave it. Instead, we dipped into the U-Bahn tunnel to catch a train. We were also testing the idea that instead of taking streetcar #12 all the way to southwest Frankfurt, maybe it was quicker to take the subway part of the way and then pick up the streetcar. The verdict is out as it felt about the same, nor do we have any empirical proof that could sway the jury.

Caroline Wise and Jutta Engelhardt in Frankfurt, Germany

Jutta’s certainly feeling much better; her first question for us upon our arrival was asking if we’d like to take a walk outside. She hadn’t realized that the temperature had dropped into the cold and that it was currently raining. Instead, we walked over to the dining room of the rehab center and grabbed a pot of coffee and some forks as we sat down to chat over some yummy strawberry cake.

Jutta Engelhardt and John Wise in Frankfurt, Germany

For the next hours, we bounced around the conversation and shared details of yesterday’s trip to Strasbourg, France while Jutta recalled her visits. While she’s been so very happy to see, she’s also encouraged us to get out and see a few things; we obliged her with those trips to Wattenmear, Denmark, Lübeck, Magdeburg, Lünaburg, Dresden, Eisenach, Bautzen, Görlitz, Poland, and Prague. Before we know it, time has flown out the window, and we have to get moving to finish the remaining chores. We bid Jutta adieu and walked back to the train stop without the duffel we intended to pick up, though we didn’t realize that until just before arriving back at Jutta’s apartment. Part of our intentions today was to test pack; without that bag, we’ll have to postpone. So it goes.

Grüne Sosse from Lahme Esel restaurant in Frankfurt, Germany

After packing up what we could at Jutta’s into plastic bags and putting the guitar in its new case, it was after 6:00, and we were getting hungry. Thought about stopping on the way back to Stephanie and Klaus’s but decided on one last return to the Lahme Esel restaurant. Good thing we didn’t go directly there because after asking the Engelhardt’s if they’d like to join us, a call was made for table availability, where we found out that there was nothing until 9:00. Okay then, a late dinner it is. Caroline opted for the Grüne Sosse, and I took the meat fantasy plate. My dinner was the Bäcker-Schaufel or Bakers Shovel, and a shovel of food it was. Two pieces of pork steak, rump steak, hamburger steak, sausages, bacon, fried potatoes, mushrooms, and a salad. I have to say it again: twenty years ago I thought traditional German food was kind of boring, but when this trip ends I’ll be doing my fair share of missing this style of cooking as my opinion has changed greatly. Oh, how I love German food.

Sharing With Our Loved Ones

Caroline Wise and Jutta Engelhardt in Frankfurt, Germany

We are all rendered helpless at least twice in our lives: birth and death. Yet, at birth, we are tenderly cared for with love, attention, and laws that attempt to ensure our successful transition into a functionally competent young adult who will be ready to contribute to our society. Approaching death, we are often alone without the love or the attention of our families or our friends, as they may already be gone, or they, too, are suffering the isolation that plagues our later years.

From the wealthy enclave of Santa Barbara, California, to Europe’s banking capital in Frankfurt, Germany, we all too often find the elderly are a burden and frustration while we have all benefited from these parents and workers who probably did the best they could while they were young and able. But in our impatience, we are quick to satisfy our own needs with an indulgence verging on the obscenely vulgar while at the same time seeing the needs of the elderly as unreasonable.

How do we justify ignoring these vigor-impaired people who were once so important to our very existence? How do others live with themselves as they reveal their anger or disdain in the way they treat these people nearing the ends of their lives, as though they are but nuisance obligations that no longer deserve respect?

The negligence we offer the elderly while lavishing doting care and affection on dogs and cats is an abomination of our broken social contract that allows us to merrily put on display our shallowness by only embracing the young and beautiful, in addition to the cute and furry. If it weren’t for the fact that most of us will suffer the pains of time, maybe then I could understand that a fringe was being sacrificed for the betterment of the whole, but these people who paved the way for us are our future, they are who we will be someday.

Alone and often depressed in their private lives, they bloom in smiles and laughter when once again they find themselves in a setting with their friends and family, even when enduring the pain and hardship of illness or loss that has brought them into the situation of being hospitalized or placed in hospice. Where were we when they needed us to help ensure they wouldn’t hurt themselves? What of the societal responsibility to protect them from inadvertent self-abuse through their own neglect?

For a moment, one can find hope in the despairing moments our elderly loved ones spend in hospitals and rehabilitation centers as we once again see their spirit and ability to fit in with those around them. But all too soon, they will find themselves returned to the lonely isolation that distanced them from our ideas of normal. They are not to blame, just as an infant cannot take responsibility for their own helplessness. Babies have not yet made friends, nor can they communicate very effectively in a complex world they have yet to comprehend. On the other hand, the elderly are trying to comprehend a world that has become faster and more advanced in the complexities that often exceed their abilities. Do we help these people or push them to the side?

Too often, our own sense of responsibility to ourselves leaves us with the easy and selfish choice of tossing these once productive and caring people to the curb of obscurity to die alone after suffering a growing sense of failure; why else are they now alone in a world that works best when we are laughing and sharing in our success?

My mother-in-law is a survivor of World War II and, as a young girl, had to deal with the hunger and destruction of the country she was born in, along with the death of her brother in battle and the subsequent abuse from a mother who suffered too with the incomprehensible loss. Now, after the war, she is at the mercy of those around her who try to find the time to share with her while she’s losing her sense of place and likely her home so others may care for her and her encroaching weakness.

During her early life, she studied medicine and gave life to two girls: my wife and her sister. She helped countless others who were in desperate need of life-saving services in her capacity while working for the local blood donor service. Not only are those who give blood of importance to the ill and critically hurt, but those who make it their life’s work to accept these donations enable the conduit between those who are in need and those who work tirelessly to save lives. And yet most of her days are now spent with a newspaper or television. Some of her friends have already passed. Guilt tells her that her needs are not important; one mustn’t burden those who are entangled with lives that surely have no time for someone becoming frail of mind and or body.

This sweet woman needs little more than a buttered bread and her family’s love. Other sweet old ladies have trouble getting either. Even on those occasions when my mother-in-law is, for a moment, the center of attention, I know this will be short-lived, not only because we will return to our “busy” lives but because she can no longer be in this life much longer.

I do not know with any precision how much longer she will be with us, but I do have to face that within weeks, she’ll again be alone. When she’s gone, we, too, will be a little more alone as the cycle of our own aging process moves us closer to the lonely door of death.