Day 24 – No Idea

Frankfurt, Germany

What am I doing here? I don’t mean the apartment Klaus, and I were in when I took this photo of a nearly empty space, but here in my head the next day as I’m supposed to be writing whatever it is that will be placed here. For the previous 24 days, I have, to good or bad effect, dumped whatever was in my head onto these pages. But here I am, on Thursday, and my brain is behaving like it’s Sunday. Maybe it’s not that I have “No Idea” but that I’m getting closer to needing a vacation from this gargantuan task I’ve taken on. Not to imply that my responsibilities to these things, such as emptying Jutta’s apartment or visiting her regularly, are part of the task I’m referring to; it’s the exercise of photographing and writing about those moments that course through my day so Caroline back in Arizona can share my experiences with me of which she would otherwise not have any real idea or picture.

Frankfurt, Germany

This was Jutta’s bedroom for the last years. It’s a narrow space in front of the window. Two people could stand shoulder to shoulder, so maybe the room is five people wide? The apartment is tiny, at only 50 square meters or 540 square feet.

The photo above this one is Klaus in Jutta’s living room. Maybe it’s the tall ceilings, or when a room is cluttered that it feels bigger than it is, but when it’s empty, it seems extraordinarily tiny.

Frankfurt, Germany

I’ve listened to the radio often while in this apartment, from cheesy old German hits from the 50s to what feels like an endless loop of The Weeknd, Dua Lipa singing We’re Good, and Kate Ryan offering some silly pop music with Désenchantée. The cassette that was in this boom box is coming to Arizona with me. I’ve not listened to it, but I can share that Stadtbücherei Borneim will never see Side 3 and 4 of Peter Härtling’s book titled Schubert again as it heads to America for being fed into something called Volkmires Inferno, more about that on another day.

Frankfurt, Germany

This was the kitchen. Yes, even the kitchen sink leaves when a tenant moves out. The girl who’s taking the apartment asked that we leave the light fixtures as they were headed for the trash and would save her some money on having to replace them. As for the stove, sink, and refrigerator, that’s a cost that all renters have to come up with when they move, or they take their old stuff with them. By Saturday this will all have a fresh coat of paint and look as new as can be. On the right side of the photo is the hall that leads to the living room in which Klaus is standing in the top photo, and the bedroom door is on its right side.

Frankfurt, Germany

The toilet, bathroom sink, and showerhead all remain, but the medicine cabinet and any cabinets in the bathroom have to go away. I have loved this shower as compared to our American one that trickles out water without any meaningful pressure, this one has the force of the Main River behind it.

Frankfurt, Germany

Jutta’s view from her rear window and the door that opens to a small patio. While this might look cramped to an American, this is a very nice and quiet corner in the middle of the city.

Frankfurt, Germany

View from the front window in the living room looking towards Bergerstrasse in the distance on the right. Maybe you notice how high the windows are? This stops people from easily looking in.

Frankfurt, Germany

The front doors to flats are often inside in this configuration, where all tenants enter through a common door and head upstairs. Bells at the side of the door are used for buzzing individual tenants. If you are looking for elevators or handicap accessible lodging, that might be difficult to nearly impossible. Regarding rents, Jutta’s apartment costs about 950 Euro or $1,130 a month, which, with the change of tenant, is going up 2 € per square meter, bringing the rent to 1050 € or $1,250 per month.

Compare these prices with ours in Phoenix, Arizona, where we rent 865 square feet (80 square meters) for $988 or 829 Euros per month; the same space in Frankfurt, Germany, would cost roughly $2,000 per month. Maybe you’d just like to buy the apartment instead of renting it? Our family was offered the option to buy it at a cost of 7,000 Euros per square meter or about $350,000 for a 540-square-foot apartment.

Frankfurt, Germany

My own personal reset is happening today. Four short hours of sleep, a few remaining details at Jutta’s apartment that need tending to, lunch with Klaus, a visit with Jutta, and then make my way back to Heddernheim.

Frankfurt, Germany

I’m tired enough to want to take the train, but after walking only about 2 miles today, I have at least another 3 miles I need to get in, so I’m walking some more. The next stop on this train line is Merianplatz.

Frankfurt, Germany

After walking to the end of Bergerstrasse, I walk across a small park area that brings me out near Konstablertwache. Before I went there, I needed a break in the shade, and while I sat on an old wall watching others moving through the park, too, I spotted another one of these cargo bikes I’m in love with. I swear that if we move back to Europe, we’ll shoulder the expense and own one of these with electric assist so that in the nice weather months, we can go shopping with a cargo container to carry our groceries home or even carry Caroline upfront, offering me map directions to where we’re going.

Frankfurt, Germany

It’s already 3:30 and 35c (95 degrees) when, after the slowest walk ever over Bergerstrasse to Konstablerwache and Zeil, I sit down for the third coffee of the day. I’m yawning so much that it’s hard to focus on my screen. This is amplified by sitting at the underground shopping level that leads to the various trains further below that come through Konstablerwache. People-watching is an incredible distraction that’s actually going to lull me to sleep due to the cacophony of voices that are filling the cavernous area down here creating a soothing soundscape to my senses that are hinting at fatigue.

I wasn’t interested in making good time over to Jutta’s on such a hot and very humid afternoon, so sitting here at the U-Bahn seemed like a good way to spend a few minutes while Jutta is at her own 3:00 coffee and cake afternoon break. Had I shown up earlier, there’s a good chance I would have woke her from her nap. Ha, and here I am, needing a nap of my own.

It’s no exaggeration that I have “No Idea” of what today is about. With my primary task of being in Europe complete, I feel like I can veg, but on the other hand, I feel like I’m wasting valuable time when I could be doing something important instead of just sitting here mesmerized in a head whose eyes are getting more and more difficult to keep open.

And then the coffee starts to kick in but so does my interest in watching such a diverse crowd of people from all socio-economic, ethnic, and age groups walk, jog, and drag themselves past me. Shit, now my imagination gets the best of me, and I start eyeballing the bag sitting in the chair next to me. The guy who’d been there said something to the server, and then he walked away. He’s been gone about five minutes without a backpack that could have any manner of something in it. In America, I think someone would have snatched it by now, but I’m in Europe, and every so often, maybe not as frequently as in the past, someone tries making a political statement by using a bomb to grab attention. Could this abandoned backpack contain my imminent demise? After he’d been gone, maybe 7 or 8 minutes, he returned carrying three bags of fruits and veggies he picked up at the stand further behind me. Note to Caroline: you know which seller I’m talking about, the one that’s in front of the escalator that exits across from McDonald’s and Starbucks.

Frankfurt, Germany

It’s 4:00, and I’m comfortably awake with my paranoia in check. The stream of people never slows, though it pulsates as waves of trains arrive below me, and other people are flowing into the underground to get to their next destination. I suppose I need to pulsate my ass out of this chair and get over to Jutta before her dinner hour over at Zauberberg. Herr Ober, zahlen bitte.

With my coffee paid, I could go back to the sweltering streets under the sun, or maybe I should have hooked up with the woman nodding on the street too high on heroin or fentanyl for a fix so the oppression of the weather just wouldn’t matter and I could join the other junkies of Frankfurt who are oblivious to the changes of their environment.

Frankfurt, Germany

Minutes after walking away from the woman who can’t even find consciousness, I arrive at Lebenshaus for a visit to the greatest mother-in-law I’ve ever known (okay, so the only one I’ve known who’s also related to me). Talking is a large part of our routine, and without wasting a second, we start gabbing. I’m able to share with her why I had so little sleep; her other daughter Stephanie and I had a seriously meaningful talk into the wee hours of the night. At 6:00, it was dinner time here at Magic Mountain, and after escorting Her Highness to her dinner date.

Frankfurt, Germany

I left Jutta and started a walk to Heddernheim; how long can it take? The walkover was nice, although it was fairly hot, even at only 95f. We desert dwellers, accustomed to low humidity, seem to take a long time to acclimatize to these wet air conditions that keep me in a perpetual state of sweat. I never realized how little there is to eat along Eschersheimer Landstrasse, although I’ve walked this street before; that was some years ago on my first challenge to walk across Frankfurt, which then, in my imagination, was a big city. It is not.

Frankfurt, Germany

I’m pretty sure that if three letters were allowed after the first letter that identifies the city a car is registered in, the owner of this Bentley would have certainly added the K to his plate.

Klingeln - Bicycle Bells

On my way up Escherheimer Landstrasse, I stopped at a bike shop that was open late, till 7:00 p.m. and bought a new bicycle bell (Klingel) for my desk because one never knows when surfing the web you’ll have to warn others that you are about to pass them.

Frankfurt, Germany

It was right near here that I was also passing Eschersheimer Landstrasse 140, where Caroline and Stepanie spent the majority of their childhood. The front door was open so I had to go in and photograph the entry to their flat.

Frankfurt, Germany

The doors have not changed since the Engelhardts lived here. Their flat was the door on the right, and Caroline’s room was to the left after you entered. The blue banisters are certainly recent, but the red stairs ring a bell.

Frankfurt, Germany

Here I am, guilty of stoking the fires of nostalgia by walking in places that can only trigger memories of times long ago.

Frankfurt, Germany

The front door is no longer the same. We change, the landscape changes, and on occasion, the architecture changes too.

Frankfurt, Germany

Passing the Polizeipräsidium where the U.S. Army shopping area known as the PX used to be, I couldn’t help but think about the recent story that 95 local policemen will be terminated for their participation in an extreme right-wing group.

Frankfurt, Germany

Oh, there were times that I considered jumping on the train I was walking next to, but I kept thinking that it could only be another stop or two before Heddernheim when I could get some dinner at Speisekammer. Certain they were open, I never checked their hours, but when I asked for directions to their location, I was informed they were closed. Fortunately, there were options, not a lot, but at least one other reasonable choice besides pizza, döner, or these canned meats that, while my eyebrows might rise at trying them, I have to admit that I am curious about sending some back to Arizona.

Frankfurt, Germany

Oh, here I am, crossing the Nidda River, which means I’m close to getting dinner finally.

Frankfurt, Germany

A bit more than two hours is what it took. I’m at 16km (10 miles) when I arrive at Momberger Restaurant. I’m sitting with an old man who criticizes the way I set down my camera and then fanning myself to cool off. He informs me how futile it is and that I should shave off my beard to cool off my face. Okay, Karen Hitler, how about you shove your cranky attitude up yer Po? To be honest, I’m afraid I’m going to be exactly this guy someday.

Day 23 – Goodbye Bornheim-Mitte

Frühstück at Eifler Bakery in Bornheim-Mitte Frankfurt, Germany

After living at Saalburgstrasse 46 in Bornheim-Mitte, Frankfurt, for 23 days now, it’s time to wave goodbye. While there’s a chance Caroline and I will be in the area again someday for one reason or another, it is time to move on now. I might even have a thing or two to finish up here tomorrow, some minor cleaning maybe, but tonight, I’ll be staying in Heddenheim north of here. While I have this romantic notion of still coming to the bakery I’ve been visiting every day, the journey over here requires three trains or at least one train and about 2 miles of walking. If I listen to my own advice, it’s probably healthier to discover another place and let this one go.

The one thing that was missing in the apartment was a refrigerator and stove that would have allowed me to cook my own food in order to afford me a bit more immersion, though I don’t know where I would have discovered the time to do that. Going out to eat every day has been okay as by having so much bread and potatoes, I’ve been more aware of my need to walk that stuff off, but I’ve also indulged in a crazy amount of Grüne Sosse and a good amount of Döner, so there is that upside. All the same, I would have enjoyed buying some fresh food (beyond some fruit and a couple of bratwursts) from the open-air Wednesday market to prepare myself.

Flower display in Frankfurt, Germany

Two hours after sitting down to breakfast, writing the above, and laboring over what I wrote the day before, it’s time to finish my coffee, take advantage of the free toilet, and figure out what my next steps are. I know, I’m going to get on a train to Oberursel for a walk in the Taunus mountains. Okay, maybe not exactly that; I’ll go check out the train schedule and possibilities before I fix this idea.

Jutta Engelhardt and John Wise on the Main River in Frankfurt, Germany

Well, that idea was scratched for a minute as with the heat coming up today, I thought that seeing Jutta earlier and taking a short walk to the river would be the better idea and so that’s what I did. Our visit was only long enough for her to read a few paragraphs from yesterday’s blog post that pertained to her and then our brief visit to sit next to the Main River. I had to get her back to Lebenshaus as they were serving lunch outside in the garden, and I wasn’t going to be able to take her with me, so by 11:45, I was once again on my way.

Train in Frankfurt on the Main, Germany

Like the animal crossing signs in America where nobody ever sees a moose, elk, deer, donkey, or tortoise, I had thought this rail crossing sign was a relic from a time when maybe there was a scenic slow-moving train that made its way up and down the bank next to the Main River, but then we heard the train whistle. I had to grab the camera and jump in order to catch this rare sight, well, at least for me, as I’d never seen a train here on this track. The composition isn’t great, but when you have a split second to capture the rare mountain lion crossing the road, you don’t ask it to pose; you just get a photo in the hopes you might prove that such a creature was witnessed by your own eyes.  This is proof that the train track running along the river in Frankfurt is still operational.

On the train in Frankfurt, Germany

When I arrived at Hauptwache and checked the train schedule, it turned out that the U3 to Oberursel / Hohemark was a good bet. With 10 minutes to spare, I even had time to have my first Frikadelle on Brötchen of this trip before heading downstairs to jump on the train.

Taunus Mountains in Germany

A dozen or so stops later, I was at the trailhead into the Taunus mountains just across the street from the train. For accuracy, I should point out that Waldlust is not where I got off the train; it is the stop just before. I took this photo from the train because it said Waldlust. Well, I had to smile as, in my brain, this translates to “intense desire or passion for the forest” or “Forest Desire.”

Taunus Mountains in Germany

I asked for a walk that would take about two hours, and that’s just what I was directed to. The Heidetränk-Oppidum Celtic Circular Trail was perfect, but as nice as it was, it was the fact that I only passed one other person on the trail that made it special. When I lived in Germany and even before coming over for this trip, Caroline warned me that the Taunus trails can be incredibly busy as people flock here to breathe the fresh air of Frankfurt’s “green lung.”

Taunus Mountains in Germany

But today, on a day that the population was grumbling about the sudden turn to exceedingly hot weather (88 degrees or 31c while in Phoenix, where we live, Caroline has to contend with 100 degrees or 38c at midnight), I guess that going into nature is too much to ask so everyone stops what they are doing so they can survive “Frankfurt Mega-Heat Wave 2021 – Global Warming Edition”

Me on the other hand, I am like the moss. I have no choice but to be out in the elements.

Taunus Mountains in Germany

Foxglove, ladyglove, or digitalis purpurea, whatever it’s called, this brightly colored plant was everywhere in open areas of the forest.

Taunus Mountains in Germany

There’s something hidden in plain view here that would have been unmissable about 2,100 years ago. It’s why this trail is called the Heidetränk-Oppidum.

View from Taunus Mountains in Germany

It’s a hazy, hot day in the Frankfurt area, and the grand view of the skyline of the city in the distance on the right is diminished because of the weather, but that’s okay, as this walk took me far away from any crowds.

Taunus Mountains in Germany

But enough of that, time for a history lesson as much as I can craft one from Wikipedia, where the information I’m finding is rather thin. What is known is that this site is one of the older Celtic sites in the area (the largest in the state of Hessen) and once had a 10km (6 miles) wall around it. Oppidum is the Latin word for “town” or “settlement,” and Heidetränk refers to the specific location.

Taunus Mountains in Germany

Signs of the wall can still be seen, though they are so eroded that they are bumps on the landscape like you might be able to see here. The walk itself is 4.3km (2.7 miles), which takes you past just some of what remains. Sixteen interpretive signs are scattered along the trail, but to gain a better understanding of what was here, a visit to the Vortaunus Museum in Oberursel is probably in order. Hey Caroline, do you know of any good books about the Celtic culture of early Europe? We need to add it to our reading list.

Taunus Mountains in Germany

There are no ruins remaining here in the forest; due to erosion, theft, and vandalism, the area hardly retains the features that just 150 years ago were still visible. This opens up another distraction in the curiosity of John going about the world. I can see visiting a number of Celtic sites, such as I recently did with Boris down in Heidelberg, and going to museums to see the artifacts of what they created and left behind so that I might paint a better picture of who these early Europeans were. My knowledge of the history of Germany is pretty limited; first, about a long time ago, there were Neanderthals, they were replaced by Barbarians, then came the scientists and philosophers, followed by Nazis, and finally, BMWs and Techno. Stephanie informs me that there was a period with Romans; who knew?

Taunus Mountains in Germany

Back off the mountains, I needed to make up for not taking a bottle of water with me. Just behind the info center is a small restaurant, so I had my first bottle of Taunusquelle Medium Mineral Water. The train awaits my arrival, or maybe it doesn’t, and the next one will just leave, and I have to wait for up to 15 minutes for the next one.

In the city, I had to return to Bornheim-Mitte once more as I worked to finish my goodbye to the area. Jutta’s apartment is in the final stages of being emptied before getting a fresh paint job. I dragged out as much furniture as I could by myself as Klaus and Stephanie made their way across town to help with some of the remaining things, like the kitchen sink and medicine cabinet in the bathroom You see, in Germany, the fixtures and appliances (other than the radiator heating system, toilet, and shower) all leave when a resident moves out. There are no closets because those are not built into dwellings; you bring your own. With the heavy stuff moved over to the street side for the scheduled pickup of heavy household things set for Thursday, it was time for the three of us to get dinner.

Based on my recommendation, we visited Zum Blauen Bock German restaurant just a short walk from Jutta’s apartment. No, I did not have Grüne Sosse. After nearly three hours at dinner, we finally drove over to Heddernheim, my new home away from home. Tired as hell, what did I do? Stephanie and I stayed up until 2:00 chatting; that’s what I did.

Day 22 – Strange Thing This Aging

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

The young woman who will move into Jutta’s apartment reminds me of a young Caroline and her first apartment over on Gluckstrasse. The girl’s parents accompanied her on her last visit, confirming some measurements of the place and considering what she’d need to make it functionally hers. Then it strikes me that, like this woman, Caroline did just as her mom did and pretty much what her grandmother probably did at one time by moving into a new apartment and adding things to make it their own. These dwellings became part of their character and allowed them to explore a part of their personalities and independence.

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

Walking around Frankfurt, the eternal youth of those people who were us and those older than us who we are yet to become, all live in a fluid transition across the ages, moving in the same pathways we all travel and have always traveled. Growing older and seeing the repetition in life’s events can trigger moments of melancholy as I somehow can’t be sure I grasped all that I could from those precious years when conflict walked hand-in-hand with an arrogance that I knew what I needed to know. I had no inkling of how striking and fortunate everything would appear as I look back on those years. I hadn’t learned about hindsight yet.

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

Yesterday, as I walked from Bornheim-Mitte across town to Römer, I didn’t take a single photo, nor did I on the way back after dinner. I’m no longer struggling to remember the different routes across Frankfurt as I’m regaining my familiarity with the layout of the city, only it’s even better now as I’m walking everywhere instead of remembering train routes and schedules. The Eifler Bakery that enchanted me in my first few weeks is starting to become my regular coffee hangout, and everyone who works the early shift already knows my order; I’m a regular. When servers in restaurants want to give me an English menu, the names of dishes confuse me as I’m familiar enough with their original names that in English, they lose part of their German-ness.

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

Getting down to the final small things in the apartment and quickly running out of time to call Saalburgstrasse 46 home. Today, I’ll pack up the rest of the things that are going into plastic bags, ready to be taken to the curb. Tomorrow, Klaus and I will drag the furniture to the same curb for pickup on Thursday. With the apartment empty, we’ll have to do some cleaning before the painter comes in on Saturday, and then the key for the apartment will be turned over to the owner, who will be changing the lock for his new tenant.

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

While I still have 13 days left in Germany, my time seems to be running away fast now. I know that some people would love two weeks in Germany to do all that I’ll still get done, but there’s a sense of urgency to finish all the other things I wanted to do, such as visiting Hanns Engelhardt (my father-in-law), Helga (Caroline’s godmother), and Vevie (Caroline’s step-mother) in addition to seeing Olaf and Torsten once more and then there’s Michael Geesman in the far northeast. Add to those things that I’m taking three days of “vacation” with Klaus, more about that later this week, and that I’m still trying to pencil in a trip to Worms and to Kassel. I’m not whining for pity; I’m whining at myself to nudge me into putting all these things in motion so that when I get back to the United States, I feel that every moment of this visit to Germany was worthwhile.

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

Panic is welling up the closer I get to leaving that I didn’t take enough photos of the various corners of Frankfurt to feel that I’ve captured enough to feed my memories once I’m at home. In the whirlwind pace of keeping busy and never giving the mind a proper rest to reflect on my daily experience aside from writing about everything, the entire time feels like a blur. Only upon getting home, winding down, and reading about what I did will the extensiveness of it all dawn on me.

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

The nice thing about journeys that don’t linger in one place is that you know tomorrow brings a new adventure, while staying in place forces you to break away from new habits that might have become comfortable. Here I am, trying to read the future, anticipating things that may or may not happen instead of being in the moment. Then again, I’m at breakfast, and it is here that I recount the previous day, except I don’t have that chore this morning. With my delightful German Frühstück of rolls, salami, cheese, and coffee, I’m not going to write about what I’ll do today as I don’t know much yet, nor though do I have time to fall into whatever writing I might want to do as I am supposed to meet Jutta for lunch today which is only a couple of hours away. So, I watch people, think of Caroline, and finish this breakfast stop so I can get some walking in and maybe develop some appetite for lunch. Damn, this sounds mundane. Like I said, new habits.

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

Hey, wasn’t this blog titled “Strange Thing This Aging?” Well, yes, but that was the title I gave it last night before going to sleep after a half-day with Jutta going through old photographs she hadn’t looked at in more than 20 years. If you are polite and don’t need to rush an elderly person who is reminiscing about their distant past, you sit there and listen, not offering a hint of impatience. I learned how Jutta sees clothes. If her mom was seen wearing black in a photo, Jutta knew that she was still in mourning for whoever had passed. A particular dress elicited admiration for how chic and modern it was. And while it may be a sore subject, she admired how handsome her 19-year-old brother looked in his military uniform. Cossacks/frocks on boys and particular shoes also had her commenting on how nice those things were. She had a good laugh at her father’s old-fashioned swimsuit and pointed out that the entire family was wearing proper shoes for their visit to the ocean.

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

The topic of aging is so rarely talked about and yet all around us, it is happening constantly. I visit 1000-year-old churches, 35,000-year-old glaciers, and a six million-year-old canyon with billion-year-old rocks, and the one thing they all have in common is that nothing between them and myself is getting younger. Why, then, do we discuss all matter of things that avoid the subject of aging and the ultimate demise of all things? Are we afraid that it might hasten our own time here or that it is somehow going to lead to depression?

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

What I have found in thinking about the aging and dying process is that I find each day incredibly valuable as I’ve been afforded yet another opportunity to tempt my senses with all manner of stimuli. Death is inevitable, fun is not, growing older is almost certainly guaranteed, and finding the magic behind what we can learn and explore seems to be hidden behind our own boredom. Boredom arises out of routine; routine is what we find to give us comfort while we endure the tasks that support our existence. That comfort quickly becomes associated with the idea of happiness, and soon, we are tricked into believing we can only be happy when doing the same thing we did yesterday that helped us endure.

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

This is a trap because only by exploring the unknown are we preparing to meet the ultimate unknown. Aging should be the accumulation of gathering experience and knowledge with the satisfaction that each successive day might have brought us closer to the thing we will likely only ever do once: die. But living is not about dying unless you’ve chosen boredom because then you are embracing death by not fully living. So, maybe we should forsake happiness and allow that to seep in where it will and instead focus on trying to figure out what living a full life might be.

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

We did not invent written language, music, song, art, pottery, and the other creative endeavors so we could fix upon them in an endless repetition, constantly surrounded by the same things. All of our creations are mutable; our knowledge is too. We, humans, explore the edges of infinity; we do not live in a cave isolated from all other life, though it seems that many might be fixated on trying to do just that in their homes, which have become their tombs.

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

Over the previous three weeks, I’ve been clearing out just such a tomb. Not to say my mother-in-law was afraid to venture out, but she required others to give her the push to move. Left to her own devices, she would have sat in her favorite chair for a hundred years before her skeleton was discovered. From about the time Jutta turned 20 in 1955 until about 1995, my mother-in-law was on a treadmill where she kind of disappeared as she sought comfort but instead found pain and anguish. The less she strove to break out and socialize, the less she would be exposed to feeling inferior amongst others. Work, children, and the television offered her the routine that left her feeling that life was tolerable. But then, in 1995, she discovered that her son-in-law didn’t enjoy sitting still and stole her daughter Caroline away to America.

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

If she were to experience the comfort of knowing Caroline, she would have to travel to see her. This awoke her spirit of celebrating the novel while exploring the unknown. For more than 410 days over the ensuing almost 20 years, Jutta would revive her sense of living a full life. Returning to Germany, at least for a while, these adventures and intense accumulation of experiences would sustain her. In the following months, she would catch every TV program that showed her where she’d been and, in a way, validated that it was a satisfying and real moment in her own life. TV proved it as that’s typically where she found the most amount of comfort.

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

The intensity with which she experienced America left little room for boredom after her return, but it always crept back as her routine encompassed a tiny little corner of Frankfurt dominated by her apartment and lack of friends to get her out. In the end, this is all okay as Jutta is at peace with where she’s at instead of still squirming under the weight of whatever turmoil it was that pressed on her for approximately 40 years. I’d like to recognize that I played some small role in this equation, but I think the bigger truth is that Jutta has a deep love for Caroline that pulled her into her daughter’s orbit and, subsequently, mine. Just as television validated Jutta’s experiences at home, I think my mother-in-law’s desire to laugh, travel, sing, share meals, and spend 24 hours a day with us in cramped quarters was her way of offering affirmation to Caroline that she thought her daughter was living a grand life and that she approved. This was exactly what Jutta was missing from her relationship with her own mother.

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

Aging, gaining wisdom through the unknown, we are able to offer others confidence but only if we are willing to share in our knowledge. Sharing is making one’s self vulnerable as we expose a weakness within ourselves to gain the trust of the other who must determine if we are worth showing that they too are vulnerable. If we learn the lessons of being in a disadvantageous place while our emotions are exposed and find the reassurance that our loved ones mean no malice, we might have a better chance of not being afraid of life.

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

The surrogates of television, radio, internet, and social media are but poor bandages for the open wound called curiosity. We must pull off the scab and venture into nature and be amongst others in new places to learn the valuable lesson that we can heal after we run into the fires of experience that might make us uncomfortable. Sadly, the surrogates have become a salve for our tragic, isolated reality, and we’ve become blind to breaking out of habits. Well, once again, I’ve turned my writing into a screed against my favorite nemesis, the television, but why should I be apologetic for this beast that steals lives?

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

My mother-in-law doesn’t remember what I shared with her yesterday, although I already knew that was her condition. Every so often, she carries something over from the day before, and those inklings of functional memory give the idea that there’s much more still there, but it’s a mixed bag. I often wonder what she’ll remember about me being here. My gut says in two weeks, she’ll have forgotten that I was with her the entire month of June but I know that she’ll have laughed and smiled many a time while I visited. So, how do we quantify the value of what we give someone who is aging and will forget so much so quickly?

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

Regardless of what will be forgotten, I learned about a deep joy I brought Jutta today as we spent about 10 hours of the past two days going over the history of about 40 photographs of her mother, father, brother, and some aunts and uncles. She couldn’t emphasize enough how meaningful this time has been and while I joked with her that we both know she won’t remember tomorrow what we did today, we laughed about it as she assured me this would stay with her. This sentiment is all that matters.

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

For these days I spend in Frankfurt, Jutta is the center of someone’s universe, sharing an interest in her enjoying herself and putting her on a pedestal. This woman loves being in the middle of things when she feels she can be herself, which these days is a slow and forgetful woman who is not malicious or unhappy. On the contrary, Jutta is ready for her continued decline and is accepting that her next big change in life is to exit it. Before I leave Germany, I have to figure out how to tell her the impact she’s made in my life, not just by creating Caroline but by allowing me to know so much about a mother-in-law that I could have never dreamed of knowing so well. To say my respect for her is far greater than for my own mother isn’t saying enough. But encapsulating in words what I wish I could convey in a hug and a laugh will never adequately relate to how fond I’ve grown of Jutta.

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

Maybe it’s a hyper-awareness of my own mortality that has me keen on learning from others where they are in the various stages of their lives. Getting older, I’ve noticed my appreciation of people growing stronger regarding those around me from all walks of life and of all ages. My ability to empathize with each in the stage of life they are in as I’m glancing at them finds greater emotional resonance. For each person, I wonder about their own ideas of where they are in the timeline of their lives. Do they think about the great fortune of being young, or are they in despair at growing old? Are they considering how best to step into the next challenges, or is developing knowledge of the fragile resource of our existence in time a distraction from simple survival? Just as we all eat, drink, sleep, breathe, defecate, and desire to procreate, I can’t help but think that there are common threads that interpret life that are relatively similar. Knowledge might be the only thing that interrupts that equation and denies this potential commonality.

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

Klingeln, a.k.a. bicycle bells, are today’s visual theme because they share much in common with aging humans. They start out as raw materials before being formed. Once formed, they are young and sharp. As they age, they gain more familiarity and things in common with others, so they become friends. Then they start to rust and fall apart until they are sent to their grave and replaced with a brand-new, shiny one. Their characters are all different, with voices that are never the same. How old, how weathered, how aggressively their parts are used, how they are painted, or what materials they are made from will all impact the nature of their voice.

Klingel - a bicycle bell in Frankfurt, Germany

Since I landed in Germany in 1985 and heard my first bell, I’ve been enchanted by them as much as I am by people. When passing one whose aesthetic somehow draws me in, I can’t help myself, and I have to give it a little push, pull, or flick for it to share its song. If I could, I would stop every person with an interesting face and ask them the three most important things they think about, and then I’d step back to hear their song, but people don’t work as easily as bicycle bells. Maybe it’s easier to have one function instead of the ability to pass quick judgments that we are being intruded upon. Come to think about it, I’ve never met a bell that asked me to step away from it.

Day 21 – Jutta’s Early Years Part 3

Wilhelm Linnenkohl

Wilhelm Andreas Linnenkohl as a baby. He was born on the 9th of August 1891 in the small village of Stötterlingen.

Wilhelm Linnenkohl

As Wilhelm grew up, he would wear a Kasack from time to time, as would his son Friedhelm one day. Boys at this time did not wear pants as they were still wearing diapers, and it was easier to change them with this type of clothing.

Wilhelm Linnenkohl

Nothing is known about Wilhelm from this time.

Wilhelm Linnenkohl

Wilhelm was a student in Hannover circa 1910.

Wilhelm Linnenkohl

Over on the right in the front row, second, from the guy on the corner, is Wilhelm Andreas Linnenkohl, and on his right, which is our left, is Uncle Fritz Schwacke. This photo was taken most likely in Hannover while Wilhelm and Fritz were in veterinarian studies.

Wilhelm Linnenkohl

Close-up detail of Uncle Fritz and Wilhelm, the two seated gentlemen on the left. Uncle Fritz was married to Jutta’s godmother, Annamarie.

Helene Linnenkohl nee Vespermann in Germany

Helene “Lenchen” Vespermann getting an education for young ladies in Goslar, Germany. This type of advanced study was to give her a better education than Volksschule. While everyone went to Volksschule, not everyone could afford this type of learning for social advancement and a place in proper society.

Helene Linnenkohl nee Vespermann in Germany

Helene “Lenchen” is the hottie on the right, and the other three women were likely fellow students at the school in Goslar. To the best of Jutta’s recollection, this would have been the ladies putting on a small performance.

Helene Linnenkohl nee Vespermann in Germany

Helene “Lenchen” wearing clothes that would have been indicative of someone in the upper-middle class.

Helene "Lenchen" Linnenkohl nee Vespermann with her brother Friedrich Vespermann in Germany

Helene with her older brother Friedrich Vespermann.

Friedrich Vespermann on the far right.

Friedrich Vespermann on the right during World War I in Germany

Friedrich Vespermann, on the right, was a soldier in World War I, which was also the war he died in. Lenchen lost two brothers to war and one brother to diphtheria.

Otto Linnenkohl father of Wilhelm Linnenkohl in Quedlinburg, Germany 1929

Otto Linnenkohl, father of Wilhelm, in 1929, just a year or two before he passed away.

In January 1923, Wilhelm Linnenkohl, son of Otto and Louise Linnenkohl, married Helene “Lenchen” Vespermann, daughter of Heinrich and Frida Vespermann. The Linnenkohl family was originally from Quedlinburg, while the Vespermanns came from the Hannover area. By 1925, Friedhelm was born, and ten years later, Jutta.

Wilhelm died on the 24th of July 1959 (Jutta isn’t exactly certain of this), and her mother, Lenchen, passed away in the early 1980s.

Day 21 – Jutta’s Early Years Part 2

Friedhelm Linnenkohl in family BMW in 1927

After cataloging a number of Jutta’s earliest photos, I turned to my mother-in-law to go through some old albums of those I couldn’t identify. This next part of Day 21 focuses on her older brother, who was born Friedrich-Wilhelm Georg Linnenkohl but went by Friedhelm.

This is Friedhelm, at only two years old, getting a taste of the family BMW with Mom.

Friedhelm was born on the 23rd of September 1925 and lived a very short life of just 19 years due to war. This photo of Helene “Lenchen” was taken in the garden at their home in Niederndodeleben before moving to Magdeburg. Prior to Friedhelm being born, Lenchen and Wilhelm lived in Schnarsleben, which proved to be too small for Lenchen who was originally from Hannover. The area around Magdeburg is full of small hamlets with names ending in leben.

Friedhelm Linnenkohl in 1929 Magdeburg, Germany

Then, two years later, he resigned himself to learning to drive his very own tricycle. This wasn’t just any tricycle this was a bike with a Klingel (bicycle bell), and if Jutta had ever saved something that would have been important to me, it would have been that Klingel.

Friedhelm Linnenkohl in 1929 Magdeburg, Germany

There’s nothing like walking through someone’s life that ended so early with his sister. It’s a strange thought that this boy, who was barely a young man, could theoretically be sitting here with us today at 96 years of age. Friedhelm is technically not wearing a dress (although that was not uncommon for toddlers); it was called a Kasack, which Jutta also says is similar to the old Russian military uniform and was also fashionable in the United States in the 1900s. It was referred to as a “Russian blouse.”

Friedhelm Linnenkohl with Frida Vespermann in Magdeberg, Germany 1932

Grandma Frida Vespermann and Friedhelm Linnenkohl in Magdeburg, Germany, in an early color photo. Once again, you can see the old Rauchtisch or smoking table. The urn-looking thing on the table is a Rauchverzehrer or “smoke dispeller,” an electrical appliance intended to help clear the air of tobacco smoke.

Friedhelm Linnenkohl in 1932 for his birthday Magdeburg, Germany

By his 7th birthday, he’s celebrating with friends seen here in 1932. These small hats were popular in the German holiday of Fasching or Fastnacht, which is a Catholic holiday of fasting before Easter. Fasching can also be referred to as Carnival.

Friedhelm, Jutta, Helene, and Augusta in Germany

Friedhelm with his new sister Jutta, his mom Lenchen, and Aunt Auguste Brünig from Wilhelm’s side of the family (one of the aunts who contributed their name to one of Jutta’s many first names). Auguste was from Hamburg, Germany, but also lived in Tanzania, Africa, where her husband ran a farm. After the English took Tanzania following World War I, Auguste and her husband were taken to India as prisoners.

Those German forest squirrels were well-trained to crawl on humans who had nuts in their hands. Friedhelm was in the Harz Mountains in Landheim with his schoolmates, a school hostel in the country for English speakers, when he had an encounter with a half-blind dog that knocked him down and gave him a concussion. Jutta, Lenchen, and Wilhelm made a special visit to make sure that Friedhelm was okay.

Friedhelm Linnenkohl and Jutta Linnenkohl in Magdeburg, Germany

While there are many photos of Friedhelm with his sister, what is never seen is a girlfriend nor may have there ever been one.

Friedhelm Linnenkohl in 1943 or 1944 as a member of the German Army

The entire time I’m learning about his younger years in Magdeburg and that his aspiration was to become a physician, I’m astonished by the crass willingness to throw lives away for a land grab that included the nefarious need to purge society of diversity. In chasing such a horrific banality, generations of people from all walks of life lost lives, property, loved ones, futures, culture, wealth, and all that is the most fundamental to what we’d call a good life.

Friedhelm died in Poland on the 29th of August, 1944.

Day 21 – Jutta’s Early Years Part 1

My mother-in-law, Jutta Engelhardt, was born Jutta Frieda Luise Auguste Linnenkohl. At least, that is what her birth certificate says. According to this photo album inscription, the intended name was Frida Luise Auguste Annemarie Jutta Linnenkohl, but for some reason, Jutta’s father, Wilhelm, got this wrong. I suppose with so many names, Annemarie just slipped his mind. He also made a mistake with Jutta’s birthday. She was born in 1935, not 1936, in Magdeburg, Germany. Regarding all these names, Frida is Jutta’s grandmother, Louise and Augusta are both Wilhelm’s sisters and Jutta’s aunts, and finally, Annemarie was Jutta’s godmother.

During these past 21 days, I’ve been staying at her old apartment, I’ve been trying to bring order to the many things Jutta collected over the previous 85 years. Among her possessions are hundreds of old photos, some with information about who is in them and when they were taken, while others are images of people and places I can’t identify. Over the next couple of days, I will be sitting down with Jutta to see what we can figure out. The images in this post were easy as there was a photo album dedicated to her first five years. These are only some of the photos, hopefully enough to tell a story.

An innocent baby who was born unable to comprehend that the country she was brought into would be tossed into one of the greatest turmoils in recorded history. In the years I’ve known her, Jutta has often struggled to smile, but this is evidence that deep in her nature is the ability to do just that.

On the left is Jutta’s maternal grandmother, Frida Vespermann; behind her is her brother Friedhelm, born Friedrich Wilhelm Georg, and behind him, their mother, Helene Linnenkohl in Magdeburg around the end of 1935. Frida was born 28th of April 1870 and passed away just before Christmas on 23 December 1938. Jutta’s brother Friedhelm was about ten years old in this photo; he was born on 23rd September 1925.

This is the second-floor flat owned by the Linnenkohl family in Magdeburg. Jutta is being held by her mother, Helene, with brother Friedhelm looking on in the Herrenzimmer (Gentleman’s room).

This photo from 20 August 1936 was taken in the Linnenkohl’s garden. From left clockwise is Friedhelm, Jutta’s father Wilhelm, grandmother Frida, Helene, and, of course, Jutta. Wilhelm was born 9th of August 1891 in Stötterlingen but grew up in Quedlinburg.

Jutta in her crib. Dated 1936.

Summer 1937 in Bad Oeynhausen, visiting grandmother Frida Vespermann and Jutta with a toy she remembers fondly. She shared with me that the swan’s head moved back and forth when you pulled it.

Friedhelm, Jutta, and their mother, Helene Linnenkohl, in August 1937, sat with a professional photographer to make a portrait to give to Wilhelm. Jutta just remembered that her father referred to Helene as “Lenchen,” which was the name everyone used for her.

Important to note in this family photo is the cabinet you can see on the left and the small round table next to it. Jutta owns these to this day, and they both sit in her room. By the way, the small round table was called a Rauchtisch or “smoking table.”

Jutta Engelhardt nee Linnenkohl in Frankfurt, Germany 2021

Here’s Jutta 85 years later with the same cabinet, smoking table, and the chair she’s sitting in was her father’s writing chair.

The date on the photo says 1939, so Jutta is probably approaching her 4th birthday in this photo. Back in the day, her hair-do was all the rage, a Hahnenkamm or “cockscomb,” a sort of faux-hawk for girls.

Summer 1939 in Braunlage in Harz east of Magdeburg. Friedhelm is in back, Jutta in the middle, and Wilhelm is on the oars wearing knickerbockers.

In late 1939, Wilhelm was in uniform. Not only did he serve Germany during the war, but he also served in World War I. He was trained as a veterinarian and served in the military as an Officer in Reserve, taking care of the many military horses left in service. Some families might not want to acknowledge a dark spot in their history, but obviously, millions of Germans were part of a cause that ultimately proved ruinous.

In early 1940, Friedhelm is seen here for his confirmation posing with Jutta. Jutta still remembers paving his path with flowers as he returned home after receiving the sacrament.

Very late 1941 and probably the last photo of Jutta with her now 16-year-old brother. Friedhelm died fighting in World War II in Poland on the 29th of August 1944. Helene never forgave Wilhelm for allowing Friedhelm to forge his birth year in order to join the Wehrmacht.