Germany – Page 24

Sharing With Our Loved Ones

April 12, 2013 JWise Moments

We are all rendered helpless at least twice in our lives: birth and death. Yet, at birth, we are tenderly cared for with love, attention, and laws that attempt to ensure our successful transition into a functionally competent young adult who will be ready to contribute to our society. Approaching death, we are often alone without the love or the attention of our families or our friends, as they may already be gone, or they, too, are suffering the isolation that plagues our later years.

From the wealthy enclave of Santa Barbara, California, to Europe’s banking capital in Frankfurt, Germany, we all too often find the elderly are a burden and frustration while we have all benefited from these parents and workers who probably did the best they could while they were young and able. But in our impatience, we are quick to satisfy our own needs with an indulgence verging on the obscenely vulgar while at the same time seeing the needs of the elderly as unreasonable.

How do we justify ignoring these vigor-impaired people who were once so important to our very existence? How do others live with themselves as they reveal their anger or disdain in the way they treat these people nearing the ends of their lives, as though they are but nuisance obligations that no longer deserve respect?

The negligence we offer the elderly while lavishing doting care and affection on dogs and cats is an abomination of our broken social contract that allows us to merrily put on display our shallowness by only embracing the young and beautiful, in addition to the cute and furry. If it weren’t for the fact that most of us will suffer the pains of time, maybe then I could understand that a fringe was being sacrificed for the betterment of the whole, but these people who paved the way for us are our future, they are who we will be someday.

Alone and often depressed in their private lives, they bloom in smiles and laughter when once again they find themselves in a setting with their friends and family, even when enduring the pain and hardship of illness or loss that has brought them into the situation of being hospitalized or placed in hospice. Where were we when they needed us to help ensure they wouldn’t hurt themselves? What of the societal responsibility to protect them from inadvertent self-abuse through their own neglect?

For a moment, one can find hope in the despairing moments our elderly loved ones spend in hospitals and rehabilitation centers as we once again see their spirit and ability to fit in with those around them. But all too soon, they will find themselves returned to the lonely isolation that distanced them from our ideas of normal. They are not to blame, just as an infant cannot take responsibility for their own helplessness. Babies have not yet made friends, nor can they communicate very effectively in a complex world they have yet to comprehend. On the other hand, the elderly are trying to comprehend a world that has become faster and more advanced in the complexities that often exceed their abilities. Do we help these people or push them to the side?

Too often, our own sense of responsibility to ourselves leaves us with the easy and selfish choice of tossing these once productive and caring people to the curb of obscurity to die alone after suffering a growing sense of failure; why else are they now alone in a world that works best when we are laughing and sharing in our success?

My mother-in-law is a survivor of World War II and, as a young girl, had to deal with the hunger and destruction of the country she was born in, along with the death of her brother in battle and the subsequent abuse from a mother who suffered too with the incomprehensible loss. Now, after the war, she is at the mercy of those around her who try to find the time to share with her while she’s losing her sense of place and likely her home so others may care for her and her encroaching weakness.

During her early life, she studied medicine and gave life to two girls: my wife and her sister. She helped countless others who were in desperate need of life-saving services in her capacity while working for the local blood donor service. Not only are those who give blood of importance to the ill and critically hurt, but those who make it their life’s work to accept these donations enable the conduit between those who are in need and those who work tirelessly to save lives. And yet most of her days are now spent with a newspaper or television. Some of her friends have already passed. Guilt tells her that her needs are not important; one mustn’t burden those who are entangled with lives that surely have no time for someone becoming frail of mind and or body.

This sweet woman needs little more than a buttered bread and her family’s love. Other sweet old ladies have trouble getting either. Even on those occasions when my mother-in-law is, for a moment, the center of attention, I know this will be short-lived, not only because we will return to our “busy” lives but because she can no longer be in this life much longer.

I do not know with any precision how much longer she will be with us, but I do have to face that within weeks, she’ll again be alone. When she’s gone, we, too, will be a little more alone as the cycle of our own aging process moves us closer to the lonely door of death.

Frankfurt Day 10

April 12, 2013 JWise Photo of the Day, Travels

This is the train stop we use to get out of and back into Heddernheim, a suburb of Frankfurt where Klaus, Stephanie, and Katharina live. For €6.40 (about $8.00), I can buy a ticket that is good all day for as many stops as I want to make while traveling through the various communities of Frankfurt. With the difficulty in finding parking, paying for it, and the delays encountered during commute hours, it is a great deal and even greater convenience to ride the trains through this densely packed city. Those rumors of German efficiency are definitely true regarding train and bus service. We never wait more than seven or eight minutes for a train and maybe up to 15 minutes for a bus, but more often than not, we only wait about two minutes before the German mass transit system shows its punctual face and whisks us off to our destination.

We skipped the food cart at Hauptwache today, opting to go to a local Metzgerei (butcher) on Bergerstrasse. I’ve been enjoying pork-belly sandwiches for days now, but today I’m trying something new: grünkohl mit wurst (green cabbage with sausage). The cabbage is dark because it’s not the light green cabbage we are familiar with in America; it is a dark green cabbage and is more like something between spinach and chard. Cooked with juniper berries and who knows what else, it made for an interesting breakfast. While this is not my typical morning fare, I am using every opportunity to try all that I can before the end of our time in Germany.

From Bergerstrasse, we are quickly on Saalburgstrasse, the street Jutta lives on. We are also starting to sense the first hint of spring might be on the way, though the trees are still bare. It’s supposed to be a warm 12 Celsius today (53 Fahrenheit); from the look of the sky, we could be persuaded that the weatherman might be right. I don’t remember what we were doing at Jutta’s apartment today; seems like we’ve been stopping here every other day, though.

Every day, Jutta looks a little bit better, and also, on these visits, she seems to be walking better and better. So good, in fact, she thinks she doesn’t always need her walking braces; we are not impressed. But we are thoroughly happy with how good she looks and her great attitude in getting through this mobility setback. All of us involved in Jutta’s life, including her, believe she’s doing very well, in large part because of how thrilled she is that we are here visiting with her every day. For the next hours, until shortly before her dinner break, we spent the better part of the morning and afternoon chatting.

Part of the pleasure of being back in Frankfurt is that I’m now old enough to have put away food phobias and am far more interested in trying new old things such as I hope to find here at “Zum Lahmen Esel” which translates to ‘The Lame Ass.’

Frankfurt is well known for its drink of choice, apfelwein (apple wine). Every German restaurant we go to the first thing ordered is a glass of apfelwein for Caroline, an old favorite. She’s already had enough of them that she’s started wondering out loud if she’s turning into a lush. I reassure her that she’ll have to drink three or four of these a night if that’s her aspiration. After one, she smiles enough that her cheeks start to hurt; I guess one a day is enough.

Tonight, I’m here for a food challenge, though I’ll only dip my toe into these difficult waters. While I order schnitzel with green sauce and fried potatoes, Caroline goes for “heaven and earth.” This is the translated name for blutwurst (blood sausage) with roasted onions and mashed potatoes, with the idea that I will be trying this formerly unappealing dish that I would have never touched when I was in my 20s or early 30s. Turns out that this stuff is pretty good, but I only tried a tiny bite. Time to man up and get a chunk of blood sausage; nearly certain that with a mouth full, I’ll realize the yuck factor and determine that this stuff is not for me. I remain surprised that I do somehow enjoy this meal. While we don’t split our dishes 50/50, I’m sure I’ll try this again to see if other preparations are, dare I say, as yummy as this one at the Lame Ass was.

Caroline’s Father: Hanns Engelhardt

April 11, 2013 JWise Photo of the Day

Meet Caroline’s father, Hanns Christian Joachim Engelhardt. While Caroline’s mother has visited the states nearly a dozen times, Hanns, who is a retired Supreme Court Judge and is presently an Anglican Reverend of the Episcopal Church, has maintained a very busy life that seldom has allowed him long vacations. This is in part why we haven’t seen Hanns in the 18 years we’ve lived away from Germany, plus the fact that we hadn’t returned during all those years.

Today, Hanns lives in Karlsruhe not far from the court he served. This learned and friendly man is exuberant in his joy of life and where his passions have taken him. We only spent a few hours in Karlsruhe but had the time to share lunch and a few year’s worth of stories. At nearly 80 years old he is in the process of authoring a book about American ecclesiastical law; this is not his first foray into writing. Though what would one expect from a man sitting on a Supreme Court for the majority of his daughter’s life? Above is Hanns in his judge’s robes.

Frankfurt To Bad Soden

April 10, 2013 JWise Photo of the Day, Travels

The day starts like our previous ones, up early with a cold gray sky peeking through the windows; when does winter end here? This will be the second time we’ve used our rather expensive rental car, although it was the cheapest we could find. A bit of warning to travelers to Europe: be sure you bring proof of international insurance coverage, add it to your policy, or just take the trains because it will cost you about $600 when you show up to pick up the car. As has been our routine, we go to see Jutta, but we’ll only visit once this day as we have a dinner date later in the day.

Having been away for so long, we have lost our ability to judge distances, and our memories tell us that Bad Soden is quite far away. Turns out that it’s really close. So close, in fact, that we arrive in town more than an hour early. No problem for us, we’ll just take a tour of the city center. Driving around to look for a starting point, we pass the old Badehaus (Bath House), and Caroline nearly yells for me to stop. Great, there’s a parking place right here in front of the park. The baths themselves appear to be gone, having been replaced with galleries. I say apparently because that half of the building is undergoing renovation, the other side is a library now. No matter, the grounds and buildings are beautiful. Not so nice is a fountain that offers some of the famous waters noted for their life-affirming qualities. Maybe others have a taste for heavily sulfured water, but my brain was having nothing to do with this idea of swallowing my small handful. Instead, instinct kicked in, forcing my mouth to disgorge the fetid-smelling, wretched-tasting stuff. I required a concerted effort to describe this without relying on vulgarities.

As we walked around, we noticed a trail going up a hillside, hoping for a view overlooking the town or even Frankfurt in the distance; we started the short hike upwards. At the top, there is an old brick tower, not of much purpose other than as a kind of monument, but to what we couldn’t figure out. We are also surrounded by trees, so there is no view to be had. Back down the hill, we passed the Badehaus on our way to the downtown area.

We never made it downtown. On the way, Caroline spots a sign pointing to a small castle. Turns out not to be much of a castle at all, but more a large home, though not without bragging rights. A sign on the building lets us know that König Wilhelm I. Von Württenberg slept here in 1852; a König is a King. Not very impressed, as we’ve both seen real castles, we head back across the park. Along the way, nearly fully surrounded by trees, I spot a small monument with a soldier on top that notes the men who died during World War I and II who had come from Bad Soden. Having spent enough time wandering about, it was time to make our date.

On the way into town, we passed the street Helga lives on, and within just a few minutes, we’re back at that corner and parking the car. Caroline’s godmother lives on the fifth floor in a building without an elevator, and she’s in her early 70’s. I was surprised how, after the first 20 minutes the conversation and rapport started to work, and the time between visits started being erased. Helga is a fiercely independent, very interesting, strong-minded woman. Back when Caroline was 16 she had told her godmother how she never wanted to be a workaholic like Helga. Almost 30 years later Caroline can easily consider this woman as one of the single greatest influences on her own life. Helga never married, but that wasn’t due to a lack of interest in this successful woman, she was busy with her career and seeing the world, which she is currently still actively doing. Our meeting had to be sooner than later, as this weekend she is heading to Spain for a week away from it all, and then in July, she’s off to Rome. Over a fantastic dinner of roast duck breast with mixed veggies and potatoes, we toasted our reunion and talked until it was close to midnight. During the night, we learned much about Helga we didn’t know, such as her 40th birthday, where she rented an entire riverboat, invited 150 of her closest friends, hired a band, and cruised the Main River as she danced into the beginnings of her 40s. With recommendations of which art exhibits to pay attention to during our visit to Frankfurt and her request that we try and meet another time before we return to the States, we wished each other good night. Walking down the five flights of stairs, Caroline and I were all smiles as we felt that Helga could still be a great role model and mentor to not only her goddaughter but to me, too.

No Rest For The Determined

April 9, 2013 JWise Photo of the Day, Travels

Jutta is on the move from hospital to rehabilitation – yeah. We left early to meet her at the hospital before she was transferred but missed her by minutes. Knowing she’d need time to get situated, Caroline and I headed over to Jutta’s apartment so Caroline could make some phone calls. First up, she called her father, who lives in Karlsruhe. Still a busy man, we managed to get a Thursday afternoon date with him. Next up was Caroline’s godmother, Helga. It took a while to get a hold of this sprightly 70-something-year-old woman; her line was busy for some time. Once on the phone, she, too has a full schedule, as she’ll be leaving for Spain shortly. Wednesday evening would work and so tomorrow night we are off to Bad Soden. While Caroline was on the phone, I took some photos of Jutta’s apartment as reminders for us and for a view of what an “average” German apartment looks like.

We had to take a series of trains to reach Jutta’s new home away from home. Her new place is just around the corner from the Blood Donors Service where she worked most of her life. The room she’s in is quite large, and she’s happily surprised at how nice the facility is. She’s especially happy that she’s in Frankfurt instead of a rehabilitation center somewhere outside the city she’s so comfortable in. We don’t get to stay long this afternoon as Caroline feels she is falling behind in her work obligations; plus, we are super tired after only four hours of sleep the night before and six last night. So it’s back onto the trains for the ride out to Stephanie and Klaus’s. Once at their place, Caroline squeaks through a couple of hours of work before needing a nap. An hour later, she’s back to work. A short pause for some Thai food delivered by a local restaurant, and the grindstone calls. Unsympathetically, I have to call it a night at 10:30; she’s right after me at 11:15.

Angel Hearts

April 8, 2013 JWise Photo of the Day, Travels

Oh my, this morning came on fast. Everyone was awake by 5:00 a.m., as Katharina had to be at school by 5:30 for a 6:00 departure for the 12 to 14-hour drive across Germany and France before getting on a ferry for the trip between Calais and Dover across the North Sea. Later today, she’ll be settling in with her host family in Eastbourne in the south of England.

Spent the better part of the day with family, the first half with Jutta. Stephanie was able to join us today, as Mondays are her day to work for family needs. First up, though, we had to go to Jutta’s apartment to collect some clean clothes and pick up her laundry that needed washing. The reason for the fresh change is that Jutta is moving to a rehabilitation facility tomorrow morning. But before Caroline and I joined Stephanie for chores, we went over to Bergerstrasse to a small meat market (Metzgerei Zeiss) where, a couple of days prior, I had discovered the tasty joy of the Schweinebauch Brot (pork belly sandwich) and I needed another. Back at the apartment, we sorted some things we were considering bringing back to the States with us and then helped Stephanie fill Jutta’s bags. When the three of us finally arrived at the hospital, one could see that Jutta’s smile was reaching new heights of happiness. It has been more than 18 years since Jutta has seen her two girls together, and this is the first photo of the three of them together since her daughters were little girls.

After spending some hours with my mother-in-law, it was time to go visit Stephanie’s mother-in-law. Christa is Stephanie’s husband, Klaus’s mother; she is in hospice. Christa has heard much about Caroline and me from Jutta due to all of her adventures with us in the United States and wanted to meet us. In celebration of being in hospice, Christa has thrown away caution and embraced some old bad habits that are making this life transition a little easier, so we brought cigarettes. A small bottle of wine was sitting by the door to her balcony. I loved this woman’s smile and her attitude that lets her have a bit of smoke and drink, followed by a shot of oxygen. We didn’t get to spend much time with Christa, but I’m happy to have had to opportunity to meet my brother-in-law’s mother.

After this visit, it was back to Bürger Hospital to see Jutta once more. By dinner time, we asked for a restaurant recommendation, and Jutta suggested Zum Gemalten Haus – The Painted House. We drove over to Sachsenhausen to find the place closed on Mondays; bummer. Just a few doors down was another restaurant, and it was offering Apfelwein (Apple Wine). This is usually a good sign that the place will be serving traditional German fare. We checked out the menu that, like all German restaurants, is posted outside and thought the menu looked appealing enough that we decided on eating at Adolf Wagner’s seemed like it would be a good choice. Sure enough, it was. Time to get back to Stephanie’s place to let Caroline try and get some work done before going to sleep far too late.

John Wise

Tag: Germany