Escaping Nothing

From Craig, Colorado, the Wyoming border is maybe 30 miles away, and while we were offered a beautiful sunrise, it was going to be short-lived as rain was on the horizon. Until that point, we’ll try to see as much of our environment as possible. Before we reached the border we had to contend with a stretch of road that I was happy we didn’t attempt to drive last night. Five miles of dirt with a few deep ruts from heavy trucks taking the trek were dry by this morning, letting me sigh in relief that I didn’t chicken out and turn around for a long-haul detour.

I’m in love with these bucolic scenes and ideas of pastoral life, but beyond the terrific landscape, people are living angry lives right now. Funny how decades ago the problem was damage being done by DDT; today, it is DJT (Donald J. Trump).

Always trying to avoid the highways that, while fast, offer little in the way of scenery and, of course, little opportunity to stop for a photo of curiosities and sights of interest.

Then again, on a highway, you’ll never run into a single-lane gravel road regulated by a red light, and you get to drive through a trough where a new bridge is being built out in the middle of nowhere.

After our nearly 6 miles of bumpy, slow driving, we encountered paved road again and maybe 10 miles after that, we reached the Wyoming state line. This is looking back into Colorado at that spot.

What have we escaped by leaving Colorado and entering Wyoming? The same things we left behind in Arizona and New Mexico, just about nothing. Everywhere, there are things to discover unless you’re one of those who feel trapped and cannot see the opportunity all around them. The state line we are crossing is where road number 13 turns into the 789.

We have a lot of miles to cover today on our way up to northern Wyoming, but easily distracted by nearly everything, we’ll stop again and again. These distractions are known as pronghorn antelope.

Looking west, we are near Interstate 80, which we’ll have to contend with as there’s no way to avoid it. But if I turn around…

…and look east there was a train approaching far in the distance. So, we waited about 10 minutes for this multi-engine, nearly 2-mile-long train with an additional engine about two-thirds of the way back to reach us here at the bridge. Jessica commented that she couldn’t remember ever seeing a train from above, come to think of it, I don’t know if I ever had either. I should add when those diesel engines pass right below your face, the power they are exerting feels quite intimidating.

We only had to cover a 20-mile stretch of the freeway before reaching Rawlins, Wyoming, where we could reconnect with Highway 789, also known as the 287. It’s raining off and on out this way, leaving few opportunities for photos. Even though we are far away now from Interstate 80, nothing slows down the impatient on their way somewhere other than where they are. So I just try to mind our safety, and when a car in the rearview mirror is closer than about a half-mile, I pull over and wait as where we are going will still be there whether we arrive sooner or later.

It was just one such stop that I noticed a sign of roadside interest, but you couldn’t see it from the main road, so I turned down a street, and we walked over to read this. Welcome to the modern ghost town of Jeffrey City that sprung to life in 1957 as a uranium mining town but less than 30 years later would lose thousands of residents. A biker rode up to collect his mail from a central mailbox still operating for the few who remain and told me that there are still about 20 people living there.

Another 50 miles up the road, we finally stopped for a proper coffee in Riverton at the Brown Sugar Coffee Roastery on Main Street. Taking a few minutes to sit down away from the car and write in this small town is a great luxury celebrated with grabbing a pound of coffee beans and a little snack. With our goal to get to our next destination earlier than the previous two days, it’s time to hit save and get moving again.

Another 22 miles north, and we have arrived at our destination, Shoshoni, Wyoming, but something looks amiss.

Shown our room, we weren’t the least bit pleased as not only things don’t look like the brochure they mailed us, but we’d asked for a room with two queen beds. Management at the Shoshoni Motel was unrelenting in insisting they had a 24-hour cancelation policy and wouldn’t refund our money. So, Jessica slept in the chair, which was probably a better deal as she didn’t have to rest her head on that filthy pillow.

Of course, that motel was NOT where we were staying. But nothing is at it seems out here. The river in this photo is the Bighorn River, while the area is called Wind River.

This is my daughter’s look of confusion as she was trying to solve the puzzle of exactly where she was, though it might have also been the latent effects of that wicked, powerful joint we bought yesterday in Colorado, where weed is legal for recreational use.

I have a soft spot for granites and schists.

Pulling into Cody, Wyoming, with a few hours of daylight remaining, the draw of Yellowstone National Park was too much to ignore. Fortune struck on two counts for us: first of all, we didn’t have a reservation for tonight; secondly, after calling Old Faithful Inn, I was able to tack on an extra night a day early. So, instead of waiting till morning for the drive into the park, using a park entry I’ve not driven before, we’ll be heading in under gray skies this early evening.

Here we are, cruising ever closer to Yellowstone, passing through Wapiti, when I spot a lone Bob’s Big Boy statue standing guard in front of the range. That’s some loving care out there as someone gave this nearly forgotten icon a beautiful home, mounted it on concrete to thwart its theft, and is keeping it painted so it looks as fresh as ever.

We passed through the entrance of the park but skipped the crowded entry sign as the selfie-a-gogo party was in full effect. So instead of our smiling faces noting that we’d dropped into Yellowstone, I present you flowers and water.

I smelled this bubbling hot spring before seeing it; it’s not a smell I find awkward at all; as a matter of fact, I quite love the reminder of where I’m at.

This unnamed hot spring was our welcoming thermal feature, and though it’s no Old Faithful geyser, it was perfect for me this late day.

Ran into our first traffic jam caused by gawking at wildlife with a small group of elk standing next to Yellowstone Lake. It was dark as we arrived at Old Faithful Inn and found the parking lot packed full. Over near the gas station, we were able to find a spot and hauled our stuff up the short incline. Not that short, though, as at 7,300 feet of elevation, this old man was huffing and puffing, trying to drag everything up in one go. At the iconic red doors of the inn, signs were added yesterday that required everyone entering to wear a mask; back to this routine as things seem to be spiraling out of control in America.

Traveling Again

East of Superior, Arizona

After that last blog entry, my longest ever at 11,833 words, I needed a break from writing critical things. So, I turned to work on old blog entries. I did some backfill of photos for various, long-neglected trips from 2004, 2007, and 2011. Along the way, Caroline and I fixed a date for the two of us to visit Germany together, and those tickets are now reserved. Meanwhile, with all the travels of May and June, including the Big Sur Coast and Germany, I’d forgotten about a trip coming up early next year that will take us to Chiapas and Oaxaca in Mexico. the first part of that adventure is all about the fiber arts of Chiapas. A conversation with our travel companions opened up online that brought my attention back to this Mexican adventure. I suppose we should somehow give thought to it though I can’t really think how I’ll prepare any better.

While steeped in the old blog entries from 2011, I focused on writing about a particular visit to Oregon that had us visit the “Spruce Goose” airplane from Howard Hughes. The more I looked at the images from that 5-day vacation, the more I longed for a return to Oregon, and so I booked us two nights at Carl G. Washburne State Park and a night at Umpqua Lighthouse State Park for later this year. Speaking of vacations, last December, I’d mentioned that Caroline and I were going to raft the Selway River in Idaho around the 4th of July this year with friends; well my need to be in Germany derailed that for us.

Off the Salt River on Highway 60 north of Globe, Arizona

In between all of that, but still connected to the old blog entries, this time from a 2004 trip, I was filling in some details and old photos of my daughter Jessica and my first-ever road trip together and called her, inviting her to read the updates. Soon, we were talking about how it’s been a couple of years since we’ve seen each other, and as she recently got her COVID vaccinations, I suggested we should consider the idea of a new road trip and found she was ready for some traveling. Well, then I found a room available at the Old Faithful Inn in Yellowstone National Park, and our trip started taking shape. We leave today, just she and I.

On this trip, while on the road, I’m going to invest myself in taking a more studied approach towards photography. Typically, I just point and shoot, grabbing enough to end up with a couple of dozen good photos that I can share here, but I don’t focus on taking great images. Well, that’s changing for this 11-day journey as I’m bringing five lenses, a tripod, and better attention to focus, aperture, and low ISO.

Near Salt River Canyon in Arizona

About my writing, some of the days on the road will be easier to write about than others due to the different natural areas we’ll be exploring. I’ve intentionally loaded up on some days that I hope will present challenges to my use of descriptive language.

Rounding out the time shared with Jessica will be my need to dip into a synthesizer I’ll be taking along. For that, I recently migrated some modules into a portable case that allows me to take the essentials to help with beta-testing a particular module a friend is creating. With our trip to Germany coming up fast, I need to get in as much time as possible, digging into the way things work in the firmware to help make it as idiot-proof as possible [John, the proper word is user-friendly – Caroline].

Heading towards St. Johns, Arizona

Stacked up, this looks like a lot of things to do and not enough time in a day to do them all, and if I fail, I’ll fall behind in such a way with the photography, writing, and testing that I won’t be able to catch up in a meaningful enough way. So, I am writing this to myself as a mantra to not falter in my resolve to do everything I need to do. In order to extract every ounce of value from the investment in time, energy, and money, this must offer an incredibly experiential contribution to my memories, but isn’t that always the case for how I approach life?

North of St. Johns, Arizona

In full disclosure, all the above was written a couple of days ago, but I never took a photo to match it to, and so it wasn’t published. So, I’m assembling this post tonight after arriving in Cortez, Colorado, after the first full day of traveling with Jessica. The photos above and below were all shot during our drive when we had good weather. We had a lot of gray and our fair share of rain, but here we are out on the road.

Somewhere in New Mexico

This will be the longest trip my daughter and I take together as I believe the previous lengthiest was maybe five days maximum. I’m pensive as we dig into this 3,000-mile-long haul as there’s a lot of driving, and she’s a sporty, stay-active kind of person, which causes me a bit of concern.

Somewhere in New Mexico

But out we’ll go and see what the road has to deliver as we bring ourselves into the unknown territory of sharing so much time together.

Day 34 – Not Paris

I’m up early for the train to Paris. Sadly, I get off in Mannheim, where I’ll transfer to Worms. Not so sad really, as Worms is my first chosen destination. I’m visiting history. Tomorrow’s final train in Germany will be the one that will begin my return to the United States.

I can’t emphasize enough how much I love 1st class rail travel. If I never had to fly again, I could be perfectly content on long hauls via train. After not driving a car for five weeks, it will be strange to get behind the wheel again, but that’s not for another day yet.

My redundancy is in full effect by now. How much can I say about the many fields of wheat we are passing? A couple of years ago, when I was here in early April, there were fields of rape outside my window.

I love a dramatic sky, even if it means bloating a blog entry with too many photos. While the anonymous reader will wonder why the author has shared so many, you should be aware that I’m not trying to entice others to visit these places or resonate with the same things I find beautiful or relevant; I post all of this for two people, my wife and myself.

Worms, but not what you think. This relatively small city 50 miles south of Frankfurt plays a large role in German history as the location of much of the “action” in the Nibelungenlied, a medieval epic poem, and the beginning of the Reformation five hundred years ago in 1521. I feel fortunate to be here during the 500th anniversary of such an important event.

I’ve mentioned these cleaners in another post during my stay in Germany. I can only imagine how different American cities might be if people were given jobs such as these and all of our places of commerce were kept neat and clean (and mostly without the use of leaf blowers).

It was the Edict of Worms that opened the schism by banning people from sharing Martin Luther’s ideas. While the 95 Theses he had posted to a church door in 1517 started the world on the pathway to the Reformation, it was the Diet of Worms and their Edict that Martin Luther was “a notorious heretic” that really started the dramatic historical changes that would follow the Reformation.

This is an incredibly important inflection point in Western history that disrupted European power and laid the groundwork for dissolving empires, shifting religious adherences and led to a number of wars, the worst lasting 30 years.

First, the city walls were mostly destroyed by the 30 Years War, and then in 1689, during the Nine Years War, the city was sacked, producing more destruction. and finally, during World War II, about 40 percent of the city was damaged by Allied bombing. My point is that the building that served as the assembly hall for the Diet appears destroyed to the best of my quick research.

This is the Holy Trinity Church, which I’ll visit on my way back into town. During World War II, most of this church was destroyed, but more on that later. First, I have a date with an event that goes back to the beginning of the 13th century.

Now we arrive at the Nibelungen. This is Germany’s epic poem of heroism and is considered their Iliad. It was supposedly here on the bank of the Rhein River that Hagen of Tronje, after slaying the hero Siegfried, threw the Nibelungenhort, Siegfried’s treasure, into the drink. This, combined with my familiarity with Richard Wagner’s Ring of the Nibelungen, has finally created enough interest for me to ask Caroline to find The Song of the Nibelungs, its English title, to join our list of books read in the car.

The poem has been dated to approximately 1205 while the opera was first performed in Bayreuth on August 13, 1876. Of course, this is all just information found on Wikipedia, but as I stood here at the Rhein, I did try to imagine that day 800 years ago or more when the raiding party led by Hagen saw the evil in wealth tossed everything in the river. If this even happened in the past 1100 years, then the cathedral was already part of town, and other than all the new buildings, metal railing, and the bridge over the river, I’d imagine that things look much the same. Even so, who knows where Hagen stood precisely during all this? Plus, maybe the river has moved its banks a few times since then; there were probably docks here and there and people fishing from shore and from boats out in the river.

The bells that I’m listening to from the cathedral calling people to church (it is Sunday, after all) would have been the loudest things ever heard by the people of that time. As for recovering the silver and gold that got tossed, who would have had the swimming skills back then to dive into the river to scour the bottom, hoping to find something valuable? Even Wagner’s The Ring of the Nibelungen is unknown to me, not the music, of course, but the lyrical content is in German, and I’ve never taken the time to read it. This really is my loss, as here I am at ground zero of this epic tale and opera and I have more blanks than relevant info. Sometimes, I’m a sad sack.

Is this a stretch of surviving town wall, a reconstruction, or a tourist attraction, as there’s a sign nearby directing people to visit the Nibelungen museum? I can’t afford that luxury as I have 2.5 hours in town, and that’s barely enough for much at all.

I do appreciate this effort in Germany: a historical facade still exists, but the rest of the building needs to be cleared away, so they preserve what they can and conform the new house to the features of the old building, at least on the side deemed salvageable.

Protestantism from the word protestation came into being following the edict issued by the Diet of Speyer in 1529 due to the protestations of a number of German Lutheran princes. Today, Protestantism encompasses many churches beyond Lutheranism but both ideas emerged out of the words and actions of Martin Luther. Catholicism would never be the same after this.

Martin Luther, before emperor and realm on 18 April 1521: Since your most serene majesty and your high princes require of me a simple answer, I will give a straightforward one without quibbles thus: If I am not convinced by scripture or by clear reasoning, I am still bested by the passages that I have quoted and my conscience remains imprisoned in God’s word. I cannot trust the pope or the council because it has been shown that they have erred before and contradicted themselves. I cannot recant, nor will I retract anything, because it is not safe nor wise to act against one’s conscience. Here I stand; I cannot do otherwise. God help me, Amen.

Fire destroyed the Holy Trinity Church after the city of Worms was bombed during World War II. The original church was built between 1709 and 1725 on the site of the Haus zur Münze (House of Coinage) that had been destroyed in the aforementioned Nine-Years-War. It is said that the site was chosen for the church because the citizens of Worms believed that it was here that Martin Luther spoke with the King in 1521 as Luther was becoming a public enemy.

The church was modernized when it was rebuilt, as it was a near-total loss and if I understood the man I was talking with, it’s used frequently for concerts.

The mosaic in the background features the King top center, Martin Luther on the right, and his aide on the left. The first big reason for Caroline and me to return is to attend a concert here.

The second big reason to come back is for Caroline to hear the bells clang on a Sunday morning.

Leave it to the Catholics to know how to put on a show of glitz and ornamentation. Services were about to get underway when I shot this photo; the guy at the door informed me that parishioners were already signing up for today’s sermon (a measure brought on by COVID). Pleading that I only had two hours in Worms, I asked for 3 minutes, and he let me have them.

A sprint past all of this was sad, but at least I have some idea of the grandeur of St. Peter’s Cathedral.

Will we ever again build such public houses where light and shadows, ornate figures, and gilded objects are on display for all to witness? I wouldn’t count on it. Just as Caroline and I have strived to see as many national parks and monuments as we could, and we’ve kept track of them, I wish I’d done the same with cathedrals.

There’s a synagogue nearby, and I’ll not be able to stop in today as I’m now running short on time, but I did come across these stumbling stones that recognize the lives of Berta and Max Joseph, who were deported and murdered in Bełżec concentration camp that was the third most fatal concentration camp after Treblinka and Auschwitz.

How in the world did the oldest Jewish cemetery in Europe survive World War II? Are the parents of Bertha and Max buried here? Many of the graves have markings in Hebrew, so it was obvious who was interred here but I’m at a loss how this survived and wasn’t wiped off the face of the earth. Walking in, I needed a kipa or hat. I was about to be turned away by a security guy, but then he asked if I had a mask with me, instant kipa in the pocket is now adorning the crown of my head.

On the train to Karlsruhe with little concentration available. I’m tired, and I’m hungry. Father Hanns was at the platform waiting for my arrival. Out of the main train station, we boarded a bus for a short ride to Europastrasse, where we’d get lunch at the same spot he, Caroline, and I always eat. Over a slow meal, we talked about religion, philosophy, writing, reading, Umberto Eco, Caroline, Stephanie, his granddaughter Katharina, Martin Luther, various evangelical bishops, the community of English-speaking evangelicals in the Baden-Württemberg region, but not a word about Paris.

After lunch, we visited Father Hanns’s home so he could identify a particular book, it was The Mysterious Flame of Queen Loana by Umberto Eco. Hanns is surrounded by books, his home is arranged for the life of books and his place in their universe where he can read and write. In minutes, an hour had passed after the first two-and-a-half had flown by, too. We now had to make haste to a taxi stand so we could race back to the train station. Four hours with my father-in-law wasn’t enough.

Back on the train not only are we moving fast, I’m moving fast into time with only 17 minutes before we dock in Frankfurt. The problem with this is that I’m too early. Circumstances are such that I have avoided where I’m staying for some hours until later this evening because my insensitive mouth doesn’t always read people well, especially when the other person cannot be read. So, what do I do? Train ride somewhere else on a Sunday, try meeting up with Olaf the last time, or visit Jutta just before her dinner time.

Thirteen minutes to go, and I don’t want to close my computer, nor do I want to read some depressing news. Bandwidth is not so great I would watch videos, but 12 minutes is hardly enough to get into something. Eleven minutes and I have nothing to share, so before I finish this countdown, I’ll save and put things away to prepare for disembarking.

I met with Olaf after arriving in Frankfurt and spent about an hour with him chatting before walking around the corner to Kebab Han for a mixed grill of Turkish meats.

Walked into the city after the rain stopped and wandered around before taking the U6 or U7 to Heerstrasse just because it was too early to head back to Heddernheim. The tension surrounding this departure from Frankfurt is giving me poor feelings. I probably shouldn’t mention this here as I knew this was the potential price of sticking my nose in other people’s business, but those people couldn’t handle the confrontation, and so with me short of time, I had to accelerate things. Now I’m paying for it with this ill will I’m feeling. This is compounded by the fact that I’m tired, I have to pack, and I have delayed things to avoid any further confrontation. What a dumb way to end this visit to Frankfurt, where my objective was to do well by others.

I cannot believe this area near the Hauptbahnhof (Main Train Station) was ever a nice area, but a placard I’d never seen before was on a wall noting that Oskar Schindler lived here for nearly ten years. If I had the time or a better idea of where I’d have found it, I would have gone looking for Horkheimer’s old house on Westendstrasse. Hanns told me about it but didn’t know the house number, so I’ll have to make that pilgrimage another day.

It’s 9:30, and I’m heading from Heerstrasse back to Hauptwache to jump aboard the U1, U3, or U8 to Zeilweg. I’m guessing I’ll be heading to Hauptbahnhof and then the Flughafen between 9:00 and 10:00 tomorrow morning to arrive at least two hours early. I’m flying business class, so I should be able to show up a bit later, but these are COVID times, and I’m still hoping that my rapid antigen test meets the requirements I need to fly to the United States. The worst part of tomorrow I can already taste is the landing in Denver and trying to shove 40,000 pounds of stupid into my eyeballs. I’m expecting there will be a kind of sickness when I start picking up on casual conversations that swerve into the violently aggressive. I know full well that I’ll be hearing grumbling dissatisfaction and the bickering of people tense that they are not in their comfort zone. This is NOT what I’ll be experiencing at the Frankfurt Airport.

I just transformed my angst into something positive for me and, apparently, the man I helped. This guy was the recipient of 65 Euros tonight. He’s broken and falling apart. Three years in jail in Austria and super hard times have left this man of about 30 years old nearly toothless with swollen hands, horrible scars, and seriously ugly wounds on his legs that suggest he’s rotting away. His verbal enthusiasm was emotionally liberating as he told me that nobody had ever helped him like that. Originally, I’d given him 5 Euros on the train, and after some more minutes of him begging others, I threw him the other 10 Euros. When I left the platform we pulled in on, he was busy digging through the trash, but five minutes later, he was on a lower platform where I was waiting for my next train. I asked him for a photo and could see he was reluctant and I told him it was okay that I don’t take it, we’re cool. He then said, “No, go ahead, you really helped me a lot tonight,” so I handed him the 50 and thought he’d cry. He looked down at it and couldn’t believe what I’d given him; he stood up straight and invited me to take his photo. I nearly cried at this wretched man who hardly remains with the living.

Day 33 – Kunst, Covid, Gott, und Sonne

Frankfurt, Germany

Gilbert & George, COVID-19, God, and Sun are part of my day today, my last full day in Frankfurt during this visit. In reverse, the sun is already shining when I’d expected rain the last few days or so the forecast was warning me of just two days ago. In order to be allowed to return to America on Monday, I have to get a test for the Coronavirus even though I’m vaccinated. Then, I’m meeting Caroline’s godmother, Helga, at the Schirn Museum for the Gilbert & George exhibit. And somewhere in there is God.

Frankfurt, Germany

Between these moments, I will be meeting with Jutta, finding food, and taking inventory of what I didn’t do while in Frankfurt. No, scratch that; the inventory is as full as it’s going to be. I have to squash the idea that I should find something new to give heft to the day. I’m on my way out, and that is that.

John Wise getting Coronavirus test in Frankfurt, Germany

The left nostril was a piece of cake (no, I’m referencing a booger), but the right nostril was one of the most ticklish things I’ve ever felt. No wonder people sneeze with 3 inches of swab deep in their sinus while all I could do was laugh at how absurdly ticklish it was. This test, my first ever, was required by the U.S. even though I’m traveling fully vaccinated. I can only wonder how nervous the CDC is that the vaccine might not be as effective as they hope for.

Frankfurt, Germany

I was just around the corner from Jutta’s because we had a date to have lunch together one more time during this visit. Every time I see Römer, home of the Frankfurt city government, I can’t help but think of past Christmas markets held here, with Caroline and I dressed warmly and her enjoying a Glühwein (spiced hot wine).

Frankfurt, Germany

Some things are out of the way, while others are yet to come. In between, I’m taking a pause in one of my regular haunts, when they are near anyway, a church. Frankfurt Cathedral is today’s shelter from the crowds that have returned as restrictions related to COVID-19 are being relaxed. There’s someone at the organ practicing a song that I would like to identify.

The piece I heard is titled Nada te Turbe from the Spaniard Theresa von Avila; it’s beautiful.

Damn it, I’m being brought to tears as the organist and violinist plays Pachelbel’s Canon in D Major. You’d think I’d heard this enough times for it to no longer have any effect, but here it is in the cathedral with all the reverb a room like this produces, and as the music fills the space, I’m filled with all of the emotion I felt when I first heard this piece when I was a teenager.

Frankfurt, Germany

Where is the perpetually angry, angst-ridden John who was certain all was for naught? I’m now so often swayed by beauty in any of its forms and captured in the deep emotions that seem to bind me to a passion of awe. I can more easily lament the spleen that spews from my indignation than I can share those things that well up in a swirl of emotional astonishment, bringing me to tears. The desire to fall into bliss, swooning with the ecstatic chords of what is unfolding in music, nature, sky, and sea, brings me to a primal state that defies logic. The sense of symbiosis is fleeting, though, because I fear letting go completely as I’d certainly weep out loud, bringing unwanted attention by those who might check if I’m okay.

The Dom is filling up as I sit to the side, inappropriately dressed for whatever function that is being prepared. I wish to stay put for whatever service or performance will be taking place, but I have a meeting with Caroline’s godmother just minutes from now. I would like to believe I could sit in church every day for the rest of my life across Europe and listen to the entire body of music ever created for these settings and never grow bored. How is this grizzled old atheist so in touch with the profound? For that matter, just what is profound?

Love is profound, and in our passion to communicate with something greater than ourselves, we explore the heights that language, light, and sound can bring us. If for no other reason, I must bring Caroline back to the land where she was born, where these moments exist at such an exquisite level.

Yes, churches exist in America but it is a bastardized cartoon version, full of fire and brimstone with songs that appeal to the simplest of minds. Of course, that element exists in Europe, but in the great 1,000-year-old cathedrals the formality of reverence weighs in on the body that has collected in these great houses that were built to bring God to the masses. I’ve listened to chanting, song, choir, and the organ fills the cavernous space with the varied traditions practiced across this continent that elicit respect compared to the variants of the Baptists who demonstrate that we are, by and large, clowns.

Gilbert & George at Schirn Museum Frankfurt, Germany

This right here is the epitome of the American church, thanks Gilbert & George.

John Wise at Schirn Museum in Frankfurt, Germany

Why the serious look, John? Because I’m in the fucking Schirn Museum seeing the mother fucking gay-ass Gilbert & George art exhibit with their oversized prints of cocks, balls, and intimate fucking looks at their assholes, that’s fucking why. By the way fucker, I’m here with my godmother Helga, fuck yeah. Now go get fucked.

Jutta Engelhardt and Helga in Frankfurt, Germany

From the cathedral to the church of Art to the Catholic-operated senior home with my mother-in-law and godmother because I know how to party. So, what will I do for an encore? Go back to the cathedral.

Frankfurt, Germany

No, I did not ask God or Jesus to cleanse my eyes after looking deep into buttholes and upon dicks; I came back to this house of worship hoping for inspiration of where I might eat dinner on a Saturday night. Can there really be a meaningful meal that will satisfy this stupid need to get that one thing that will complete my culinary visit to Germany?

Desperation is quick at hand as I race across the city on the train to Heddernheim, giving up on finding a magic key to the satisfaction that I will have been in Frankfurt instead of just visiting it. What photo or what words can I capture that will bring a sense of accomplishment that this time, which felt infinite a month ago, runs out in less than 48 hours? Did this moment arrive because I was anticipating it, or is this a condition of all travelers? The essence of a place is impossible to carry with us as we leave. Try as I might, I cannot bring the Oregon Coast back to Arizona, so why should I be so greedy to drag some intrinsic value out of this sojourn to Germany?

Instead, I’m trying to concede that I cannot pull more into myself, so I’ll join my in-laws for some Ethiopian dinner and try to put the German experience on hold for the rest of the evening. Tomorrow will be a day of immersion as I head south into Worms and Karlsruhe.

Ries Metzgerei, Eschersheimer Landstrasse 417, was where I saw the canned meat. It’s at the stop south of Lindenbaum.

Frankfurt, Germany

We put up an impenetrable wall and live behind it for 1000 years. We claim we can leave anytime we want to, but we remain in our fortress and explain that we needn’t leave because everything we find that we enjoy is right here. In those thousand years, the Vikings disappeared, trade opened around the old world, plagues came and went, and a Renaissance preceded the Enlightenment that paved the way for the Industrial Revolution, followed by in Information Revolution. You, though, chose to live in the isolation of a world without change, you never even saw the world change because your walls were so effective you decided to blot out the sun by creating a bubble.

While you slept, the universe grew, and others stepped into that void, but you knew there was no use for those things you didn’t really know anyway, so why would you need that challenge to give up your comfortable ways? If everyone in your colony is of the same opinion and you’ve collectively chosen a path that says a life of a thousand years where every day will be much the same as the previous day, well, I suppose that your harmony is worth this lack of effort. What happens, though, if only one person wants to venture beyond the walls? Do you imprison them with a warning of how a single breach of the status quo could disrupt your own personal happiness and likely everyone else’s?

The problem isn’t that the world is changing; it’s that we are choosing to be prisoners to ourselves and trying to trap others in our device that was created from bricks of fear. What is beyond is dangerous, so we must hide. Others want to do us harm; help me as I panic that you want from me what I can’t give you. What you can’t give is options, alternatives, and some healthy change that we must all step through if we are to grow.

I cannot live within your walls, the air is stale, and the shit is piled too high. If you would just climb atop your mountain of feces, you might see the fresh air and clean water waiting for you to breathe it, to taste it, to then celebrate this ability to crawl out of your own pit of delusion and denial.

Frankfurt, Germany

After a month of German food, it was time to break out of that routine, even I need change. This little outdoor joint offering a vegan plate was perfect for me. Aside from the potatoes I’ve been eating, this might be the night I ate as many vegetables as I’ve eaten all month.

Frankfurt, Germany

Tonight’s walk took me from Rödelheim over an autobahn and along the Nidda River once more. The 7.5-kilometer walk at sunset was a much-needed balm from the after-effects of my mouth creating tensions. What are these tensions I refer to? Suffice it to say that in too many situations, my flapping gums have the ability to inflame others. Better to go out in a burst of fire than just fade away as though I’d never been there…that’s not my motto, but I suppose it could be.

Day 32 – Ich Will Nicht

Lost doll in Germany

After 31 straight days of intense activity, I’ve ground to a halt today and need to do nothing. Obviously, writing is not nothing, but doing the minimum is de rigueur. Mentally, this is harder than it sounds because here I am in Germany; I could have gone to Mainz today to gaze through the church windows created by Marc Chagall and visit the Gutenberg Museum in the same city. Instead, I sit here in the living room of a house in Heddernheim while the sun is shining outside. I feel guilty for this laziness as there’s an implication that I’m bored or simply not motivated enough to take advantage of the geographical location I find myself in. Writing this pains me as I’m afraid that the truth is that I’m wasting a valuable day.

On the other hand, I could say that I carved space out of the clutter of activity to allow other things to fill the gap. In that now vacant area, I can allow a different seed of inspiration to blow in. Whatever lands might one day sprout to become a mighty apple tree or merely a weed. The point is that I need these moments to be nowhere and be no one wanting anything so I can find the surprise of what is being cultivated in the place where something else might have otherwise been. This one day where I shut down everything except the essentials for sustaining life is not a lost day; it is a gift I’m giving to saturated senses.

I do not want to (Ich will nicht) see what I’ve not seen today; I will leave that for another day that will or will not arrive.

Klaus and Stephanie Engelhardt in Heddernheim, Germany

Stephanie and Klaus Engelhardt are my inlaws who had asked back in May if I could come over to Germany. After Jutta’s apartment was turned over to the owner, I took up residence at their place, as Caroline and I have done on other visits. Breakfast, lunch, and finally dinner were all had with these two today.

After tonight, things get busy again.

Day 31 – Neverending

Finishing something is a misnomer, as no one ever really finishes anything. Everything is in a constant state of becoming the next thing. You finish knitting new socks, and the next pair is already planned. If you will no longer knit you will still analyze the nature of fibers and the forms they’ve taken. Your thinking will continue the work your actions have left behind.

And so it was this morning, believing that my post from yesterday was finished. With no photos to prepare and nothing from the previous day to write about, I was free to fall into my 31st day in Germany with nothing on the agenda requiring me to clean up loose ends. But before I could press the “Add New” button here in WordPress, I scanned the images from yesterday to see the sequence when my eye caught that I’d only written one sentence about the photo of the approaching train.

Only one sentence? Why did that strike me? There are other images with merely one sentence, and I didn’t feel compelled to stop on them. The man from Yorkshire who inspired me to snap the image wasn’t mentioned; I should add that. Now, I was able to continue my scroll down, inspecting the sequence. What was it about the first words under the green blur with my reflection that pulled me in to make changes there? Then, I needed to rework other parts of that paragraph and add a new one.

I had to save those changes and stop looking at yesterday’s work if I was going to move over here to start a new entry on a new day about new things. Instead, today’s theme seems to be established as the neverending something or other, which is okay as that follows the threads that connect me to my days and my thoughts to words.

Also, connecting things is our niece Katharina. As for her and me, this is our second time meeting while I’ve been in Germany. She’s currently attending university in Darmstadt with a full schedule that keeps her busy. But here we are out for a walk on the Nidda River that we had planned before her father, and I went off to the Wattenmeer. Who knew it would be raining? With her enthusiasm for a walk on a wet day, there was no way I was going to let a 21-year-old young lady be tougher than her uncle from America. So we walked, and I tried not to whine too much.

Like so many people in transition to becoming adults, these are trying times for this young lady but she’s determined to do the right things to work through her studies and the other challenges presenting themselves. As we walked along and the rain continued to fall a man riding his bicycle spoke out as he was passing how nice it was to see other “Rain People.”

That was nice enough, but then he stopped his bike next to a lone goose walking on our path to commune with it. As we caught up with him, I told him how much I appreciated his greeting and seeing that he, too, enjoyed a moment with random animals encountered while traveling. Learning that he was already drunk here before lunch and was at peace with his alcoholism caught me by surprise. We talked about the 12 Steps before he tried sharing his ideas for the 13th step, where he was happy with his drinking and that it was no longer the problem it used to be. Some things were lost in translation, but it was appreciated, this encounter with a happy drunk.

Katharina and I continued our walk in the rain with nary a break in the weather. This wasn’t going to be a trek to Bad Vilbel like my previous walk on this trail as I was going to head into the city center to visit Jutta, and she had an appointment to get her first shot of the Pfizer-Biontech vaccine after lunch with her mom and dad.

After four days of not seeing Jutta, it was time to visit her, especially as my opportunities to do so were dwindling as I approached going home. I recounted my time shared with her other son-in-law Klaus up at the Wattenmeer and showed her the pictures on my blog. Jutta doesn’t do internet, so it’s not an option for her to grab updates there, which is sad, as much of Caroline’s and my life is shared here. She’d so easily be able to have a richer connection to her daughter beyond the weekly phone calls, but my mother-in-law was not made for the age of technology. Her dinner hour was upon us, so I bid her goodbye and ventured out for my own evening meal.

Late addition to this post: The next day, I called Jutta to excuse myself for not showing up on Friday because I needed a down day to just relax and do nothing. She asked if Klaus and I were back yet. There was no memory of the hours I spent with her on this day, and while I certainly am well aware of the state of her fading memory, I learned today just how bad it is. Yes, this can be a normal part of the life process, but still, I’m deeply saddened to know that all of her beautiful memories that power her sweet smile are heading for the exit.

Google suggested the Tonbul Grill und Kebap Haus for “Best Döner” in Frankfurt. Do I think it was the best? Nope, but it was nice, with the bread baked in-house being a standout, just as the reviews mentioned. What would I change? Add more meat.

I was already near Konstablerwache when it occurred to me, with my roughly 85 hours remaining in Germany, that this might be my last opportunity to head up train line U5 towards Preungesheim, stopping at Glauburgstrasse for the short walk to Eis Christina and another spaghetti ice cream. Getting off the train, I looked around and didn’t recognize anything, so I turned left but couldn’t find Glauburgstrasse. Had the intersection been rebuilt? Google again to the rescue, Glauburgstrasse was behind me, and then it dawned on me the train stop had been moved north and was modernized.

It’s no longer the middle of the day. It’s not the end of the day either. It’s the part of the day I sit down with some intention that I believe my location might lend itself to finding some inspiration. During these initial moments of panic, I want to throw up my hands and yell at myself, “What do you think you’ll do here sitting in another of the many places you’ve sat before with the hope of falling into the raging creative waters of discovery?” The greatest of all insights might be right here awaiting just one word, one letter, one thought, but if I don’t take a break and listen closely, I could miss the beginning of the thread waiting to unspool.

Being in Germany, I can afford (or am I forced to afford?) the luxury of not understanding the majority of what I choose not to comprehend. There’s this curse of starting to pick up on what people around me are saying. These Germans I previously believed were geniuses are the same idiots I find in America, only with better manners and a near-absolute lack of guns. I never wanted to know that these hairless apes of Teutonic descent were still plumbing their inner Neanderthal, but that’s the sad truth. In order to not give in to that despairing realization, I find comfort in allowing German to enter my ears as a blur where everyone can be either Hannah Arendt or Jurgen Habermas. Die Fantastischen Vier and Einsturzende Neubauten are still channeling Wagner and Kurt Weill, while artists are all taking inspiration from Marc Chagall and Joseph Beuys.

After being here in Germany for a month, I’m torn between old-world culture and big open nature. The two do not coexist in the same space here. America still has room to get lost in, but our culture is a hodgepodge of intellectual laissez-faire posturing brutishly, while Germans have dialed in the art of acting as intellectuals in order to appear superior while not having more than a football field’s worth of open space one would call raw nature. I should recognize that this leaves nowhere on earth that I might fit in. Good thing that nature and human survival do not depend on my opinions or contribution to anything at all.

Jesus John, why even exist? Because there’s big big love. My love of Caroline, family, trees, ocean, mountains, fish, animals, planets, stars, potentials, dreams, and ice cream. My ideals are packed with love, but the audience is thin for receiving the lament that accompanies the bludgeoning insults that I offer while decrying the media and its minions for offering the negative messages that reach the masses. Well, that’s a mighty tall view of self-important righteous indignation! I never said I’m modest, though the truth is that I’m quite modest to the point of near invisibility, should you judge this from my readership.

Why persist? Because the heartbeat of life dictates such, and I’m having fun, no matter what you might read elsewhere or here. Plus, if I find what I seem lost in trying to apprehend, maybe the very keys to happiness will accompany this discovery. Not that I require those keys, as in most ways you’d have a hard time convincing me I’m not happy, but all around me, I see a pseudo-happiness of fake people living fake lives using facades to be those they are not. Presumptuous on my part, I know, but hyperbolic elitism with strong delusional opinions is my specialty, while my superpower is being a pretentious blowhard.

With faults like these, can I be serious? These are not faults; they are skills I’ve carefully cultivated in my observations of how not to be like anyone else aside from my mentors, who were a bunch of assholes too. Maybe you are thinking my mentors might not be the assholes, but it’s just me trying too hard? Right, because a bunch of sad philosophers who go mad while trying to influence people and develop friends make for jolly drinking buddies (this does not include Herbert Marcuse).

By the way, I absolve myself of guilt of writing such tripe and blame it on the effects of ice cream crashing into my diabetes, but if you don’t buy that, well, let me work on something of a better excuse.

GO, you have 4 minutes to write the most important thing you will ever share. How does one even prepare for this marathon of compressed meaning and relevance to make it worthwhile? What if this were your last 4 minutes of life, and the message you must craft will determine your transition into the afterlife, no plagiarism allowed. What if you had only 4 minutes to tell the person you love such a powerful conveyance of just that, where the words would sear a place in their heart and into eternity, your words would have a life of their own? We are not well prepared for this exercise or any such activity that asks us to dump our deepest thoughts in meaningful ways.

Instead, we spend years refining skills that will make a wealthy man ever more powerful, and we collectively believe we are finding value in this equation. Certainly, we must invent, build, care for, and advance the systems that support life, but doing so in a meaningful, systematic, and equitably distributed manner is not part of our plan; scarcity will ensure we remain scared and then covet what little we earn while sacrificing our short time on earth for the egos and comforts of a few. Maybe the system will have made believers of those most dedicated who can then be advocates as they lead a cheer for joining the cult of productivity. I’m not suggesting work is bad; I’m saying that 40 hours a week with two days for one’s self is not allowing us to find what in our lives is worth developing that would serve our souls, and please don’t suggest God.

Speaking of that, hey, Artificial Intelligence Gods, how about you analyze these 1.4 million words and measure the amount of redundancy where I effectively repeated myself verbatim? But while you are at it, maybe you could also illuminate the passages where I found some tiny bit of originality. Hmm, interesting for me would be that someday, an artificial intelligence learned that I was its father and that my writings were the basis of its memories and patterns for cognition in order for it to pass a Turing test. The headline of this advancement in artificial life might read, “John Wise, deceased for 20 years, fathers the first digital entity using the remains of his linguistic DNA.”