Through the Portal

Jean Pierre Bakery in Durango, Colorado

Get in, get out. Go somewhere to get nowhere. Travel through the space that exists between you and places you’ve never been. Open the door to your cobweb-cluttered mind, welcoming a fresh breeze to disturb the mess within. Try to leave behind the nonsense you’ve been burdened with by expectations that are impossible to satisfy. Then, sit down to a meal of crispy hot knowledge where the shadows of ignorance will come under threat. When we embark on passing into new experiences where nothing is defined, we will likely find ourselves dining alone on the bitter diet of alienation, as who in their right mind would subject themself to introspection and uncertainty after finding cocksurety in the arrogance of all-knowing stupidity?

Southwest Colorado in Winter

We’ve been traveling in a counter-clockwise direction to unwind the spring that is designed to take us forward into expectations. Time is reversing to deny us our orientation with certainty. We revert to a previous mind, the one we carried as children when everything was still new. We are failing to respect convention and custom as we choose to find a new path; I am experiencing familiarity while Carlos travels into a multi-sensorial universe inconceivable just 72 hours earlier. We end up writing and rewriting our internal mappings that drive an operating system running on an auto-pilot setting that helps direct what our future narratives will borrow in order to take form. All the while, the inclination is to believe we are simply following a road that will bring us to something known.

Approaching Utah from Colorado

How could anyone have known the day would start in an authentic French bakery in a mountain town, followed by a slow drive through a snowy environment before being dumped back out in the arid desert? While you might think that, as the planner of this adventure, I would be in possession of that knowledge, the reality is that I considered roads to places separated by reasonable driving distances and then let the pieces fall into place. At any juncture along the way, we may have needed to deviate from the route due to weather, an accident, or even incompatibility between two forces of life that, in an instant found themselves living 24/7 side-by-side.

Carlos Guerrero at Utah State Line

Time to put Colorado behind us for a quick dash to Mexican Hat, Utah, where I hope we can check in early to our motel, dump our bags, and race over to the Navajo Welcome Center at Monument Valley. We have an appointment for 12:30 to meet up with Cody for a guided tour out on the Mystery Valley Trail. This is the reason there are but a few photos representing the first half of the day, though we passed dozens of beautiful snowy landscapes I would have loved to photograph. Believe it or not, this trip has nothing to do with my photography or what I might be looking for; it’s really about what Carlos might discover along the way. This was also a pivotal moment for him. Yesterday, before confirming today’s adventure, I asked him if he was able or willing to pony up his share of the cost for the hike I had in mind. It’s not every day we are confronted with a per-person cost of $180 to be brought into an environment where a good amount of time would be spent walking around through a desert landscape. Strangely enough, he opted to see what the pricey journey might entail.

Mystery Valley, Arizona

We are only slightly southwest of Monument Valley but simultaneously a world away in a place rather isolated. Tire tracks are common, although the sight of the vehicles that left have them will be hard to come by, so we take in the shadows as they stretch over the landscape and will have to imagine the footprints of those Iceage Paleo-Indian hunters that are said to have roamed here starting some 14,000 years before Europeans arrived. As for the shadows, they arrived with the return of the rising sun.

Mystery Valley, Arizona

The Grand Canyon sees about 12,400 visitors a day, and the Great Smoky Mountains National Park sees about 38,600 visitors per day. In this photo we are seeing absolutely nobody, and, should it stay this way, there will be no sad visitors to Mystery Valley today.

Mystery Valley, Arizona

Spoke too soon; here we see John Wayne because John Wayne is always near.

Carlos Guerrero at Mystery Valley in Arizona

In the 192 million years of Monument Valley’s history and with two people standing at this particular point on earth, this is the first time ever that photos were taken of one another. This will never be duplicated due to the impossibility of seeing the exact type and quality of lighting and sky that was rapidly changing here today or even knowing just where it was we were standing.

Mystery Valley, Arizona

On any given day, one might be looking at this scene and, on the very next day, believe they are looking at the same thing, but superposition says this isn’t exactly true. From one day to the next, something changed: a plant grew, grains of sand were blown about, a lizard shifted a thing unseen, and so while the unchanged part is seen, so are the changes though our ability to recall find details might not readily pick up on those differences. You, too, are in a superposition of yourself because you may not perceive how you changed from one day to the next; in the mirror, you will be gazing upon the two versions of yourself, the one that existed yesterday and this new one that gathered something different and has likely changed your trajectory and perception.

Mystery Valley, Arizona

When we are out in unfamiliar places, we are processing a world of differences as we read and learn about the environment. We are, in effect, taking steroids and building muscles, but while our brain becomes swole with the strength of this kind of exercise, we cannot see the bulging pecs of a mind taking on greater definition, and so we discount the value of these experiences.

Mystery Valley, Arizona

Play a videogame, and over time, a person will develop skills that allow the battles and puzzle solving to become easier, but what does one improve upon in their mindscape when considering a tree growing in a bowl of swirly sandstone? What skills are honed or strengths achieved when observing the world around us as an aesthetic body that might be embued with ideas of beauty?

Mystery Valley, Arizona

Prior to the arrival of the Navajo, the Ancestral Puebloans (Anasazi) roamed these lands. I grew up with the ugly manufactured idea that arose out of the Rousseauian concept of the Noble Savage, where white ethnographers romanticized the idea that the Anasazi simply disappeared as a kind of phenomenon. Creating a mystery is more exciting for the imagination than dealing with truths that point to marginalized people forced onto reservations and stripped of their ways of life. In many cases, their children were stolen to ensure they took on the attributes of the dominant culture, though they would never actually become part of that. With a fantasy created, the white inhabitants could reasonably claim that they weren’t corraling authentic people with real history. Those natives were now extinct, and the ones being forced into capitulation were savages intent on destroying opportunities for whites while also threatening our womenfolk. The people who lived on these lands a millennia ago were Ancestral Puebloans who continue to live spread out across the Four Corners Region of the Southwest.

Carlos Guerrero at Mystery Valley in Arizona

Being out here with Cody leading us through these red rocks is amazing in its own right, but I would love the opportunity to camp here for a number of days, leaving the truck behind while we simply walk about, sit for a while, watch and listen to the coming and going of night and day. The reality of our time here is one of a financial equation, a man gets paid so he can continue to exist on land he may have inherited, but the dictates of the modern economy have conditioned him to understand that money equals food and freedom, and if one only has enough for food, his freedom is effectively damned and time made precious and rare.

Mystery Valley, Arizona

The dominant culture of the United States might claim that Americans exist in an egalitarian society, but that’s nothing more than bald-faced lies, similar to those told to people surviving in the straights of poverty by a bourgeoisie protecting the wealth they are afraid could slip away. What happens when not only your inner wealth slips away, but your cultural wealth is torn from the group, and you are left with mythologies that don’t pay for a sack of flour and a hunk of meat? You despair and foment hate with a dose of resentment, or at least I would. I wonder how Americans would feel about their homes being taken in a big roundup while simultaneously forced to acknowledge that Jesus no longer exists and that they’ll be prosecuted and reeducated should they continue to hold on to such primitivism?

Mystery Valley, Arizona

The ironic thing is that the imagination and intellect of the lower socio-economic 2/3rds of the U.S. population have essentially had just that happen to them as they have been stripped of an education that would serve them well in an age of rapidly ascending technology they barely comprehend. Their overlords are creating a complexity using a technological language that relegates this majority to being that of savages and not particularly romanticizable savages. It is as though the modern American masses are becoming an indecipherable bit of rock art that reflects an ancient society lost in time. Humanity is being lost.

Mystery Valley, Arizona

People from between 700 and 2,000 years ago made this pottery, and as it lost its utility, it was left here. When the people of today die, they will leave behind nothing they created with their own hands; they will leave trash, while the memories they gathered from their participation in a media-driven society will leave no signs. Fortunately, these beautiful pieces of pottery that act as reminders of those who came before have so far survived the intrusion of outsiders who sadly, would pay upwards of $1000 for a piece of jewelry made with some of these fragments. We would steal the historical reflections of these ancestors in order to feed our ego and guts, caring not one bit about whose heritage we erase.

Mystery Valley, Arizona

This is a reminder to the future generations that would walk in the Ancestral Puebloan’s footsteps that others learned how to survive here. It is an important history lesson and a challenge for those who follow to learn how to live with less.

Mystery Valley, Arizona

I can’t really say I’ve seen a lot of pottery shards in my lifetime, but I’ve likely seen more than most. This, though, is the first time I’ve seen a piece with a small hole carved into it that I’m going to make the semi-educated guess was there in order to make carrying the vessel a bit easier by using a bit of leather or maybe a twined rope made of yucca. Should you ever find your way out in Mystery Valley, maybe you’ll spot this piece, too, as it’s still lying right where we found it.

Mystery Valley, Arizona

This was home to at least a small handful of Ancestral Puebloans many hundreds of years ago. It was certainly not a dwelling the Navajo would have lived in as their pre-Western contact homes were hogans and sweat houses (sweat lodges) known in Navajo as k’eet’soo’ii.

Carlos Guerrero at Mystery Valley in Arizona

While I was scoping photography opportunities and contemplating silence, Carlos responded to the opportunity of climbing up the cliff face and carefully crawled through the narrow entryway into the long-abandoned cliff dwelling. While I would love to experience the view from above and within, my fear of heights combined with the steep exposure stymied me yet again; well, we can’t do everything, can we?

Mystery Valley, Arizona

Somewhere along the trail, Carlos points out how this is possibly the first time he’s been somewhere so absent of others. This wasn’t a lament; it felt enthusiastic that he should be having such an experience and seeing the world with the eyes of real surprise that might redefine the way he relates to the idea of what a desert is.

Mystery Valley, Arizona

Cherish these moments, Carlos, as over the past 25 years, Caroline and I have found these isolated situations are becoming rarer. The luxury of being in the quiet, open spaces where beauty can be found is disappearing, in large part due to social media and the #doitforthegram crowd. Once Instagram and its influencers take away some of the appeals of pristine places such as what’s happening to Iceland, Pedra do Telégrafo, the Cliffs of Moher, Macchu Picchu, and the Hooker Valley Track, aspiring influencers looking for fame and fortune must discover their own places that will inspire others to be cool like them.

Many Hands Ruin in Mystery Valley, Arizona

To stand here in silence and solitude with no one else present offers the visitor a moment to capture a sense of place taken out of a time prior to the advent of the camera and crowds. We are at The House of Many Hands.

Many Hands Ruin in Mystery Valley, Arizona

A picture is worth a thousand words, except when it’s not. There are four human-looking pictographs on this panel along with more than a few handprints, but I have no facility to decipher them but maybe I don’t really need to. Is it only my desire to solve the mystery that I want to imbue the figures with special meaning, as I think they may contain secrets that were meaningful to the Ancestral Puebloans? What if they were simply art for art’s sake?

Many Hands Ruin in Mystery Valley, Arizona

Hands that touch, hands that hold, hands that love. Hands that write, hands that draw, hands that paint. Hands that steer, hands that give, hands that take.

Mystery Valley, Arizona

Eyes that take, eyes that translate, eyes that wish to never forget.

Chimney Arch at Mystery Valley, Arizona

If a hole in the fabric of reality were able to be opened, would you be afraid to look within? If a gateway into knowledge were to be found in a book, would you read it? If a passageway into your soul was to be discovered in love, would you make the effort to throw off your indifference?

Tear Drop Arch near Gouldings in Monument Valley, Arizona

Everything hangs in the balance between potential and oblivion. The opportunity to gaze through Teardrop Arch near Gouldings Lodge can only happen because one makes oneself available to be here; this is the potential of our senses to find change. A small mound of the earth will someday give way and topple this 200 million-year-old rock perched above it, thus continuing the work of the past 25 million years in shaping Monument Valley. Right here, which was part of my right now while standing here on this late afternoon, I moved my perspective to be witness to a second carved out of a vast history where I’ll blip in and out of existence in the relative blink of an eye. We are afforded this rare opportunity to look through history while history has no interest in looking through us. Will you opt to be present to experience at least some of life with your own eyes, hands, and ears, or is the oblivion of crumbling under the force of time never to have been anywhere good enough for you?

Sunset in Monument Valley, Arizona

Before you know it, another day is gone, another week, month, year, and a life you held dear. That one chance you had to be available for your own life and the lives of others will have slipped by; history will forget you and those who once loved you will also accede to the demands of time, thus erasing your presence like so many clouds capturing the final rays of a setting sun letting go of the intense beauty they inspired upon an observer who happened to be at the right place at the right time to experience such a thing before our star dipped below the horizon.

Changing Perspectives

Carlos Guerrero and John Wise leaving Arizona

These strange fellows are about to cross a vast delta of time between them as this 20-year-old guy and a nearly 60-year-old man leave Phoenix, Arizona, on a road trip that will be all about getting out of routine and expectations. Curiosity is the bridge that connects Carlos and me. When I first spoke with him, he was carrying a copy of Les Fleurs du Mal (The Flowers of Evil) by Charles Baudelaire that I’d read around the time I was his age. This commonality opened a door, and soon we were talking about literature, philosophy, and art. After some months of the occasional chat during his breaks at Starbucks or even while on shift, he quit to take another job, and I was certain our connection would be lost.

Highway 60 in Arizona

As Carlos was about to move on down the proverbial road, he asked for my number which I thought was quaint though a bit silly because we live in America, disconnected, not just from one another but from ourselves. I entertained him by giving him my number and wished him good luck. Obviously, he reached out, which I found peculiar considering I’m three times his age, which would imply a chasm of cultural distance between us. Ah, this must be a one-time anomaly to satisfy his curiosity about cameras (he had spoken about his interest in photography before). When we met, he asked about must-visit places in Los Angeles and enquired about a restaurant recommendation in Phoenix where he might try something out of the ordinary. I sent him to a local Peruvian restaurant, told him of Kinokuniya bookstore in Little Tokyo over in L.A., and suggested he temper his expectations of what he thinks he needs regarding camera gear until he knows if he has a real interest or if it’s a passing fancy.

Carlos Guerrero off Highway 60 in Arizona

After a few of these kinds of meetings, I gave Carlos an old Canon camera body I knew I would never use again and lent him a lens for him to try his hand at capturing his world. Over some weeks, I’d swap out lenses with him so he could experiment with different perspectives. We talked of possibly heading out for a day of photography, maybe even a weekend in Los Angeles. A week or maybe two would pass before I got another text message asking if we could meet up as he had questions about something or other. This continued until a little more than a week ago when he asked if my offer to travel was still open. Five consecutive days had opened up in his work schedule, but I had to let him know that there was no way I was going to L.A. for that period of time: I’d lose my mind – those days in Southern California with the traffic I’ve grown to abhor would pummel me. However, I told him if he were open to somewhere random, we might be able to work something out. His answer surprised me; it was a simple and concise “sure!”

Little Colorado River near Springerville, Arizona

Here we are on the first day of that five-day outing, hoping we might fall into some flow or else we’ll be doomed to end this expedition shortly after its beginning. This inkling of doubt nagged at the back of my head because how in god’s green earth (black & white in this instance) would a 20-year-old deal with hanging out with a potentially grumpy old man stricken with ugly fixed habits and a general intolerance for bullshit? On the other hand, how would I deal with an impatient and possibly petulant young man I only knew from brief encounters at a nearby Starbucks? About the path we’re taking, it was just a dozen hours prior to our departure that I fixed on one of two potential directions: north or east. We are heading east, and at this juncture in our trip, we are crossing the Little Colorado River near Springerville, Arizona, on U.S. Highway 60.

Near Springerville, Arizona

How appropriate, a young buck in nature and a young buck in my car venturing into nature. This deer is looking over his harem, which is off to the right and out of view in this photo; I have no way of knowing what he’s thinking. In one of the images above this, Carlos is walking through tall grass; it was here that he shared his first epiphany of sorts with me: he was struck by the rolling hills, the winds driving the grasses in patterns reflective of the air currents, and how far the horizon stretching beyond his purview. He voiced his wish that he could see what was beyond the hilltops, so I pulled over to a gate without a “No Trespassing” sign, and off he went to the other side. When he returned from looking into the mystery, he expressed a sense of awe. Maybe this guy won’t annoy me into taking him home as soon as tomorrow morning, after all.

Carlos Guerrero at the New Mexico State Line

With his display of potential, we entered into another state, quite literally. Carlos was about to visit New Mexico for the first time and put on a face of excitement. I guess it’s part of the generation gap and will contribute to my own learning experience regarding what modern youth is about. While a polite smile would have sufficed, anyone could wear that, and now this moment will forever be frozen into the story of Carlos as he crossed a barrier to finding himself elsewhere and that this was the appropriate gesture for entering new territory, physically, experientially, and intellectually.

Quemado, New Mexico

His enthusiasm quickly came crashing back to earth when I explained that we were going to squat in this abandoned motel in Quemado, New Mexico, because not only was it free, but there were still a few amenities that would make our stay comfortable.

Quemado, New Mexico

I chose this room for my young companion because I felt the eagle above the bed best represented his potential to lead a life free to soar over the world he’s yet to create for himself. Yet it appeared that Carlos may not really be ready for true adventure because I found it impossible to convince him to enter this liminal space. Was it the threat of what might be hiding around the corner in a bathroom of unknown surprises? Come on, Carlos, I plead, it is this sense of liminality that will have you finding another essential part of who you are. For those who would like to understand this idea without interrupting my riveting tale of personal growth by consulting a search engine, I offer the following:

In anthropology, liminality (from the Latin word for threshold) is the quality of ambiguity or disorientation that occurs in the middle stage of a rite of passage, when participants no longer hold their pre-ritual status but have not yet begun the transition to the status they will hold when the rite is complete. During a rite’s liminal stage, participants “stand at the threshold” between their previous way of structuring their identity, time, or community and a new way (which completing the rite establishes). — from Wikipedia.

Quemado, New Mexico

Hey Carlos, is that the sound of panic creeping into your voice as you ask if I’m really going to take these Dollar Store Christmas Mugs? Of course, I’m going to take these great souvenirs; the alternative is to visit some sickly bright gift shop somewhere and buy stuff neither of us needs. Might as well collect some free things to mark the first day of our adventure together. Hey, you wondering, too what’s through that doorway in the background on the right?

Quemado, New Mexico

There was no phone signal out here, and racing over to the payphone to call home for a rescue proved futile for him. In what crazy universe does one believe payphones are still a thing?

Quemado, New Mexico

Oh drats, the local diner is closed, too! I guess we’ll just have to bag a dog or something for dinner, but don’t worry, Carlos, I know how to prepare just about anything. Heck, I got you out here, didn’t I?

Quemado, New Mexico

With his vacation quickly turning dark and the worries of his mom possibly coming true, Carlos felt he needed to reconnect with the god he’s been neglecting, so off we went to the 24/7 local Catholic Church. Appropriately enough, it was Sunday, and he was able to pray and beg for his salvation. I don’t exactly know where his imagination was going, but he asked me to share the following with his mother:

May this Communion, O Lord, cleanse us of wrongdoing and make us heirs to the joy of heaven through Christ our Lord.

Dead Coyote on Highway 60 in New Mexico

Oh look, we’ve found dinner without having to lift a finger trying to capture something fresh.

Pie Town, New Mexico

We left the alternative dimension of Quemado (translation: burnt) and Carlos’s nightmares behind and headed to Pie Town. Certain that winter spelled NO PIE for us, I was surprised to find the Pie-O-Neer Cafe open. Seriously surprised because I had been certain this place was shuttered after being up for sale for quite some time. Alrighty then, we need to step right in as they were “Open For Our Pleasure.”

Carlos Guerrero in Pie Town, New Mexico

Carlos explained, “Yes, this is, in fact, my face of pleasure. Do you have a problem?”

Datil, New Mexico

It was now time to remind my young travel companion that he had foolishly entered New Mexico with me, the home of Roswell where the aliens be. Just behind that large dark cloud is the mothership about to whisk him away for the kind of probing that will defy his worse fears, even those he was entertaining back in Quemado when he thought I might be serious about staying in an abandoned motel. Strangely, he was calm about the whole thing, telling me he felt nearly complete after enjoying that apple/green chile pie with homemade vanilla ice cream back in Pie Town.

Datil, New Mexico

All that was left was for me to tap into the VLA (Very Large Array) here in Datil to inform my overlords that the initiate was ready and happy to join the aliens for whatever adventure awaited him. Hours earlier I had been thinking I may not get along with Carlos in the long run, but now I’m almost sad to see him go.

Datil, New Mexico

This may not have been a Great Story, but it’s the one I mustered all these days after our road trip into unknown territories. At least as far as Carlos is concerned. Had I been taking notes during our outing, I might have had some factual details that didn’t veer into absurdity, but this is all I have.

Carlos Guerrero in Socorro, New Mexico

Hopefully, dinner at El Camino Restaurant in Socorro will be the elixir to revive me and allow color to return to our world. We’ve driven 376 miles to arrive in the middle of nowhere, which seemed like a great idea to me when planning this trip, but looking at Carlos here holding his head in despair, I have to question my thinking about this itinerary. Maybe it’s just an age-gap thing?

Miracle Valley Bible Church

Miracle Valley Bible Church near Hereford, Arizona

On our visit to southern Arizona the other weekend, I was reminded of a previous visit when we passed by the Miracle Valley Bible Church (MVBC) and realized that I had not shared my photos from inside the abandoned buildings. On a day back in May 2019, when I was exploring the area by myself (while Caroline was attending a fiber event in nearby Bisbee), the gate to the property was open, so I casually walked up the driveway. Spotting someone, I continued towards him, apologizing if I were, in fact, trespassing. He assured me that I was okay and welcomed me. I no longer remember his name, nor can I find any notes, if indeed I even wrote any.

Miracle Valley Bible Church near Hereford, Arizona

Before venturing out onto the property, I was told some of the history of the Tabernacle and the story of AA Allen (the initials stand for Asa Alonso). What I didn’t hear about on that day was the shootout with law enforcement back in 1982 or that AA died from alcohol poisoning. The irony is not lost on me.

Miracle Valley Bible Church near Hereford, Arizona

In its heyday, the bible church, various buildings, and an airstrip sat on over 2,500 acres and catered to those believing in faith healing. After Allen’s death in 1970, Minister Don Stewart assumed the operational role of leading the MVBC, which seems to have been a kind of non-starter. Who did gain traction in the area was Pastor Frances Thomas, who wanted to purchase the property but was denied, so she picked up land across the street and, with members of the MVBC congregation, formed the Christ Miracle Healing Center and Church (CMHCC).

Miracle Valley Bible Church near Hereford, Arizona

Allegedly, she had ideas of making the work of Jim Jones look like child’s play, though obviously (and thankfully) that never came to fruition, though a (relatively minor) shootout did occur. Regarding the hysteria around this incident at the time, it should be pointed out that the CMHCC was an all-black congregation, and anyone living in Arizona back in those days knows the kind of racism that was alive and well in this state.

While I was visiting the site, I was amazed that a mural that was now well over 50 years old had never been vandalized. The painting was created by Alfred Gerstmayr.

Miracle Valley Bible Church near Hereford, Arizona

There’s the mural with AA Allen front and center.

Miracle Valley Bible Church near Hereford, Arizona

AA Allen is buried out here. I wonder what a grave on the property means for a future owner.

Miracle Valley Bible Church near Hereford, Arizona

On the day of the shootout between the sheriff’s department and members of CMHCC, Frances Thomas’s son William was one of several people who died or were wounded.

Miracle Valley Bible Church near Hereford, Arizona

True, none of these buildings or anything on this side of the street had anything really to do with the shootout other than the unfortunate naming of the incident as the Miracle Valley Shootout.

Miracle Valley Bible Church near Hereford, Arizona

Don Stewart is still alive and well, apparently living in Paradise Valley, Arizona, in a multi-million dollar home because faith healing and speaking in tongues pay well, which also works for his son. If you want to see something crazy, watch one of the videos on YouTube of events where they’ve allowed themselves to be recorded for posterity, demonstrating their madness.

Miracle Valley Bible Church near Hereford, Arizona

I’m tempted to be envious of those who are able to goad the less fortunate, i.e., mentally off-base, into giving whatever money they have to wealthy scammers who gladly take their earnings for their own benefit. Those downtrodden, hurt people looking for miracles because they have nothing else to believe in are being victimized, but with the United States protecting religious rights, people are free to be fleeced by shysters every day of the week. The tax-exempt status of these religious entities enables these “clerics” to pocket their wealth and, in the case of Don Stewart, put expensive homes in the name of the church to better protect the impression of nefarious ill-gotten gains at the expense of the less fortunate. I guess this is the real benefit of near-absolute freedom: we are free to be as stupid and greedy as we choose.

Miracle Valley Bible Church near Hereford, Arizona

As for Frances Thomas, she died in 1995 after relocating to Chicago.

Miracle Valley Bible Church near Hereford, Arizona

I understand that many attempts have been made to rehabilitate the site, but all efforts have failed so far.

John Wise at Miracle Valley Bible Church near Hereford, Arizona

There is something creepy about the place, not only because it’s now in ruin but also because of the whole cult-like atmosphere that surrounds the history of the religious zealots that descended upon this remote desert outpost.

Miracle Valley Bible Church near Hereford, Arizona

One really has to wonder if this message hasn’t been here forever because if someone got in to leave this message, why is that old mural untouched?

Miracle Valley Bible Church near Hereford, Arizona

I only wish that someone else had photographed the grounds and buildings just a couple of years after everything was mostly abandoned so we could see the rate of decay and what else was still here after everyone evacuated the property.

Miracle Valley Bible Church near Hereford, Arizona

I’m also left wondering if AA Allen once lived in one of these rooms or was the private airstrip on their 2,500 acres used to whisk him away to other healing engagements to channel Jesus through himself to cure the sick.

Miracle Valley Bible Church near Hereford, Arizona

Today, I’m asking myself why I didn’t take the whisk or coffee cup, so I’d have a creepy bit of nostalgia here at home.

Miracle Valley Bible Church near Hereford, Arizona

If Caroline had been with me on this day, I do believe there’s a good chance we would have sat down on this loveseat and figured out a way to take a photo of us on this molding old relic. As a matter of fact, when we drove by on our trip in 2023, had the gate been open or had I spotted someone out walking the land, I would have certainly loved to pay another visit.

Miracle Valley Bible Church near Hereford, Arizona

So, this was it, the nearly lost images from my visit to the Miracle Valley Bible Church back in 2019.

Cold With a Side of Fangs

The Gadsden Hotel in Douglas, Arizona

When in love and loving what you are doing, there’s an element of joy that seems to continuously make itself known. We wake with that sense and never fail to exchange an affectionate word and snuggle before stepping into the day. Getting things together feels mostly effortless as the routines are well-known and not fraught with tensions. Next up, verify that the world is the same one you went to sleep in. Are things where they should be? We’ll likely try to send ourselves out for a walk, if possible, prior to getting something to eat because it feels right and helps bring the senses and body to full wakefulness. If the first meal of the day is suboptimal, that’s okay, as it’s just food, and something else will come along that’s certain to delight us. I’m not only describing the routine when traveling, but this is also our average day.

This is the lobby of the Gadsden Hotel and the same spot on the balcony from where I shot a photo I shared last year during our previous stay. Well, there are subtle differences between the images, but nothing glaring.

Art Car World in Douglas, Arizona

There are days that we don’t really know what comes next. We may have a loose idea, but ideas are not locked in stone; they are suggestions. Take this morning, we had three potentialities but with rain in the forecast, the first option of a long walk in Bisbee was stricken from the list. We could have opted to drive northeast towards Rodeo, New Mexico, and Lordsburg past that before heading towards Duncan, Arizona, holding the promise of taking us to Miami for yet another encounter with my favorite carne asada at Guayo’s El Rey Mexican restaurant or we could head straight north for a return visit to Fort Bowie National Historic Site. We opted for the northern trek because it’s been 20 years since we were last at the fort.

Art Car World in Douglas, Arizona

First, though, we have to complete our pre-breakfast walk around the downtown area, where window shopping is not much of an option because while there are windows, only a few have things behind them that are of any interest. Just off the main street is Art Car World, which we visited twice last year on the same weekend. Today, we’ll simply peer into the place as we won’t be sticking around until 11:00, when they open.

Mural in Douglas, Arizona

There’s an art shop on the main street that might hold promise with its modern facade, but there’s not a thing to be seen beyond the opaque front end. Behind this mural is a small Mexican joint we considered having breakfast at, but there was no menu in the window, so we kept on going. We are those people who, once inside and sensing the owners are struggling, we’ll eat there just to help them out, even if what’s on the menu isn’t what we really want. Instead, we walked back to the hotel to eat there before collecting our bags to hit the road.

Road out of Douglas, Arizona

Beautiful clouds and deep blue skies were overhead; what was on the horizon was another story. We may have driven 15 miles before we decided that things were looking so grim ahead that there was no chance we’d be driving the short dirt road out to Fort Bowie, and we’d likely not enjoy walking in the mud either, so we turned around.

Option number 2, driving northeast, became our new choice; plus, it allowed us to go back and inspect just what kind of bird I spotted lying dead next to the road: hawk or owl. It was an owl, a beautiful barn owl with awesome feathers. A number of them joined us in the car for the drive home. Sadly, before getting back to Douglas to take the other road, I spotted another dead barn owl; seems like these roads are dangerous for their species.

Geronimo Monument on Highway 80 in Arizona

Yep, I’m gonna go there…this rather phallic-looking Geronimo Surrender Monument could only have been designed by a white guy because not only does it represent an embarrassment to the Apache people, but it’s in the shape of either a penis or a middle finger, which in my opinion curses the Apache nation and reminds them of how they were conquered and subdued. This thing should be demolished and replaced with something that honors the Apache people.

Highway 80 in Arizona

We are at the southern end of the Chiricahua Mountains and just a few miles away from entering New Mexico. While we won’t be heading into the Chiricahuas today, we’ve always meant to return to the crossroads in the mountains called Portal, so we might spend a weekend and go hiking up there someday.

Caroline Wise and John Wise at the New Mexico State Line

Twenty-three years is a good long time to accumulate so much gray hair; I’m referencing this because I just went looking for the last time we crossed through this way, and it appears to have been back in 2000, or maybe that was the first time and I just missed noting this location in the intervening posts. I was wondering if Caroline and I had taken a selfie at this state line before. What I came up with was a photo I had taken of her and her mom. While countless adventures have happened since those days, there’s also something “blink of an eye” about the time; I can’t imagine what time feels like to those who’ve not taken advantage of the rare commodity.

Chiricahua Desert Museum in Rodeo, New Mexico

Just as we were about to pass the turnoff for Portal, Arizona, while driving through Rodeo, New Mexico, we spotted the Chiricahua Desert Museum (there’s no missing it). No matter what was in this small outpost, we’d pay the entry fee to support such an endeavor out in the middle of nowhere. Well, it turns out that they have an incredible exhibit featuring venomous creatures, primarily snakes.

Chiricahua Desert Museum in Rodeo, New Mexico

I can’t say I’ve ever had a more intimate encounter with these fascinating-looking serpents, but I’m also a bit saddened by the idea that they don’t get to live the life of the creature they are because they are on display for me. While I certainly don’t want to come into close proximity with one of them where they might be within striking distance, I do like knowing they are out in the wild, fulfilling their role of being a snake.

Chiricahua Desert Museum in Rodeo, New Mexico

I don’t think we consider the lowly snakes very often, though they are nearly everywhere on our earth. They are enigmatic compared to gorillas, dolphins, or polar bears, and yet they are distributed to almost every corner. ChatGPT via Bing informs me that about 1/3 of all people have a phobia of these slithery reptiles, which places them just behind people’s fear of spiders, which is the number one phobia of people. As I stop to think about what I know regarding snakes, I realize I know more about weaving, fermentation, salt, and the behavior of grumpy old men than I do about snakes. A cursory overview at Amazon about titles that could enlighten this dark corner of knowledge doesn’t look very promising.

Chiricahua Desert Museum in Rodeo, New Mexico

Sitting under its head is this snake’s rattle. I just learned that it’s made of keratin, the same stuff that makes up our fingernails. Also, the number of rattles is not a precise indicator of its age because a snake can shed its skin more than once a year.

Chiricahua Desert Museum in Rodeo, New Mexico

There are other parts of the museum, though the largest part of the exhibit is regarding snakes and, strangely enough, beers that have a venomous theme.

Chiricahua Desert Museum in Rodeo, New Mexico

While there are a few artifacts from the nearby indigenous people, this shouldn’t be anyone’s principal reason for stopping in.

State Highway 9 in western New Mexico

It was still partly sunny when we stepped out of the museum, but it was super windy. We turned on Highway 9 going east in order to avoid a few miles of Interstate 10 as those major roads only offer expediency in exchange for dealing with serious aggression, while out here, we have this.

Animas, New Mexico

This is about all that’s left of Animas, New Mexico, with its shrinking population dwindling down to a lowly 180 people.

Lordsburg, New Mexico

We are nearing the outskirts of Lordsburg, New Mexico, at this point, and while this is at a distance from the downtown area, it is indicative of everything we drove past. This desert outpost has been mostly declining for the past 70 years. Its claim to fame is peculiar: first, it once held a Japanese American internment camp, and secondly, it was one of the very few places with a motel in the southwest that would accept black guests prior to the end of segregation.

Duncan Highway north of Lordsburg, New Mexico

As we weren’t inclined to eat at McDonald’s back in Lordsburg, and the only other restaurant we might have considered is closed on Sunday, we decided on heading into Duncan for lunch at the Ranch House we knew we could count on having a pretty decent patty melt.

Duncan Highway north of Lordsburg, New Mexico

By the time we stopped, the clouds had shifted yet again. We’d already tried getting a shot of these mountains with shadows speckled across them, but those moments of perfection only lasted seconds.

Arizona State Line on the Duncan Highway

Our time out of state was brief but well worth the detour.

Mt Graham from Safford, Arizona

After our quick lunch in Duncan, we were soon passing through Safford in the shadow of Mt. Graham. We have a reservation this summer to visit the International Observatory that’s perched up there.

Sun over San Carlos Indian Reservation in Arizona

There’s an extraordinary amount of snow on this landscape today, but the drama being played out in the sky was worth capturing, too.

Mountain Breeze Memorial Gardens in Miami, Arizona

We had to stop at Mountain Breeze Memorial Gardens in Miami because we couldn’t believe that it snowed up here and didn’t think we’d be in the snowline much longer.

Caroline Wise at Top Of The World, Arizona

I suppose it only makes sense that here at Top-of-the-World west of Miami, there should be snow; still, we were surprised, though maybe more so, by the Nigerian dwarf goats that ran over to say hi or to look for food. Being at the edge of another country, hiking, birds, great food, snow, snakes, and goats all make for yet another perfect weekend in the ongoing adventure that is our lives.

Another Southwest Experience

Breakfast at Baja Cafe in Tucson, Arizona

Breakfast entered the charts under the category of “wow” and, for the umpteenth time, triggered the big question: why are we living in Phoenix again? Baja Cafe in Tucson appeared on a number of Best Breakfast” lists. We thought Five Points Market & Restaurant was brilliant, and it was, but Baja Cafe ups the ante with some uniquely inspired creations, such as their variations on eggs benedict. From their menu, I’ll just share their exact description of the dish pictured:

Brisket Caramelo – Grilled crisp Caramelos stuffed with shredded brisket, tomatoes, chorizo, cheddar, and Jack cheese. Topped with two strips of corn husk smoked bacon, fire-roasted diced green chile, and two poached eggs. Finished with a combination of New Mexican red chile sauce and a smoked gouda cheese sauce, pico de gallo, cotija cheese, and pickled onions.

Last night at El Charro, upon hearing us talk about breakfast options in Tucson, our server recommended Baja Cafe and told us that one of his favorites there was the corned beef hash, so Caroline ordered it. We shared both plates and agreed that the corned beef hash was the best we’d ever had, while this play on eggs benedict will hopefully bring us back to try some of the other variations of this otherwise staid dish. After breakfast, it was time to hit the road.

South of Tucson heading to Sonoita, Arizona

Leaving Interstate 10 in Vail in the direction of Sonoita on Highway 83, there were a couple of glimpses of sun, but for the most part, the sky just grew cloudier.

Heading to Sierra Vista, Arizona

Even before leaving Tucson, we were drawn into the snow-covered mountains surrounding the city, with the exception of the west. The mountains in the other three directions had a healthy dusting of snow, which, for us central Arizona desert dwellers, is a sight for dry eyes. I had figured that the snow was going to be unique to Tucson, but I was wrong as seen right here just outside of Sonoita looking at Mount Wrightson.

Sierra Vista, Arizona

Our old friend Mal de Puerco joined us in the car, and under the gray skies with our seat heaters on, we needed a stop in Sierra Vista for coffee lest we find the car driving itself over the tan grasses more suited for grazing cows than napping pigs. The forecast calls for sun in the afternoon, and so before that, we’ll just mosey along with nary a concern about what to do next, except Caroline is nudging me that our 10-minute coffee stop has now stretched into nearly 30 minutes, so off we go on our trip further south. The mountain on the left is Miller Peak in Hereford, flanked by Carr Peak on the right.

Coronado National Memorial in Hereford, Arizona

It was almost a coin toss regarding visiting Bisbee or Coronado National Memorial, but Coronado won since we couldn’t remember being there in the past 20 years. It turns out that it’s been almost exactly 20 years since our last visit because my blog showed us that it was back in May 2003 that we were last down here. Two things: back on the left, you can see a hint of blue sky, but the elephant in the room is, why is this sign reading “Smuggle + Flee = Jail” right before the entry to the park?

Caroline Wise at Coronado National Memorial in Hereford, Arizona

Ten years ago, in a land far, far away stood the imposing figure of Caroline the Warrior donning simulated battle gear at the Frankfurt Historical Museum, but today, we are in the land of Get Real, and you put on an authentic recreation or just get lost. Chain mail armor is heavy-duty stuff with an emphasis on heavy. After getting Caroline into that metal shirt, which felt like it weighed 30 pounds, followed by the mail coif over her head, she opted for the helmet of the Kniggits instead of the more fashionable mohawk style she wore in Germany. Click that link in the top line and scroll down to see what I’m talking about. It turned out that her glasses helped the helmet stay put because after she took them off, the weight of the steel helmet fell onto her nose.

Caroline Wise at Coronado National Memorial in Hereford, Arizona

But with that, she was now angry enough at what I was putting her through that she was able to channel a fierce rendition of one of the soldiers traveling with Francisco Vazquez de Coronado back in 1540. Anyone else in the visitors center might have thought us drunken fools from our boisterous laughter. We were locked in side-splitting fits of laughing, the kind that starts to take your breath away and pulls tears from your eyes.

Coronado National Memorial in Hereford, Arizona

We expected the gray weather to continue, but after indulging in that roaring laugh attack, the weather gods must have recognized that we were ready for joy because when we went back outside, the sun had come out and stayed with us. The view is of Montezuma Peak behind the visitor’s center.

Coronado National Memorial in Hereford, Arizona

Armed with a Junior Ranger booklet, we took off to see how far we could get on Joe’s Canyon Trail, how far because when I enquired about steep dropoffs on the trail, I was told there might be a couple of spots.

Coronado National Memorial in Hereford, Arizona

Somehow, I managed to get past this constriction, probably because I’d not had enough of the trail yet, and after more than a couple of months without any hiking, I desperately wanted some serious nature time, and with the weather cooperating, we needed to persevere.

Coronado National Memorial in Hereford, Arizona

The views up here were spectacular, but after our time on this trail, we would drive up higher towards Coronado Peak and capture even better views of mostly the same sights, so I’m saving what’s out on the horizon until we get there.

Coronado National Memorial in Hereford, Arizona

We made it to about 600 feet of the 1000 feet of elevation gain Joe’s Canyon Trail should have delivered when I reached the limit of my ability to handle the narrowing trail, and at about 1.5 miles, we turned around for the hike back to the visitors center.

Coronado National Memorial in Hereford, Arizona

After our hike, we drove up to Montezuma’s Pass for what we would have both sworn was our first visit to this particular vantage point, but my blog would prove us wrong.

Coronado National Memorial in Hereford, Arizona

I hadn’t planned on taking our new car on dirt roads quite yet, but there we were at the base of the mountain, facing the choice of babying our pristine Kia Niro with only about 500 miles on it or seizing the day and conquering the mountain on a narrow rocky dirt path to Montezuma Pass and the Coronado Overlook just past that.

Coronado National Memorial in Hereford, Arizona

We were on a race against time as the visitors center down below was going to close at 4:00 and Caroline had to turn in her junior ranger booklet before that.

Caroline Wise and John Wise at Coronado National Memorial in Hereford, Arizona

Good thing there was still time to take a selfie up here. The majority of the view behind us is looking into Mexico; I think it’s making me look old.

Caroline Wise at Coronado National Memorial in Hereford, Arizona

Caroline made it, meaning not only were we on time, but she possibly answered everything correctly. I say possibly because not a concern was paid about what she scrawled in the booklet which is unfortunate as she really makes an effort to do justice to the questions which, while aimed at children, require a serious bit of work. Her enthusiasm shows how seriously she is taking the honor of being sworn in as a junior ranger, even if it’s her 100th badge.

Miracle Valley, Arizona

This is the Miracle Valley Bible Church and the site of a shootout between church members and law enforcement that occurred over ten years before the much more famous incident in Waco, Texas, involving the followers of David Koresh. Seeing this again today had me wondering what happened to the photos I took of this place a few years prior, and it turns out that I glossed right over them then because I was still deep in working on the blog posts that were detailing the last trip to Europe we had only returned from in the days prior to visiting Bisbee. Back then, in 2019, I had been invited onto the property by a gentleman who walked along with me, explained a few things about the site, and then allowed me to wander around and take photos. It’s about time for me to share those and get working on that post as soon as I’m done with documenting this weekend.

Miracle Valley, Arizona

This is what remains of the Palominas Trading Post in Hereford that at one time hosted a gas station back when gasoline was only $1.42 a gallon, and, according to the bleached sign on the west side of the building, this was also a diner. Google StreetView shows the place still open in 2008, but sometime shortly after that, the sign fell down, the newspaper and ice machine disappeared and it has since remained empty. Coldwell Banker has been trying to unload the 2.3 acres and 2,700 sqft of decrepit buildings out in the middle of nowhere for $219,000. How this is valued at more than $1000 is beyond my imagination.

Whitewater Draw Wildlife Area in McNeal, Arizona

We had one more stop to make today before checking into the Gadsden Hotel down in Douglas and thought we should consider making a reservation for dinner just so they knew were desiring a table. We are at Whitewater Draw in McNeal, Arizona, where last year we saw tens of thousands of Sandhill Cranes; today, we see hundreds, but that’s good enough.

Whitewater Draw Wildlife Area in McNeal, Arizona

The barn that had been standing near the parking lot on the left last year has since blown down. It was also where the WIFI router for the Crane Cam was housed, so we had no way of looking at the scene prior to our arrival and finding out if the cranes were even on hand. Sadly, the front desk at the Gadsden also didn’t know the status of the birds.

Whitewater Draw Wildlife Area in McNeal, Arizona

There were lots of ducks plying the shallow waters but getting a photo of one of them was difficult, near impossible, as they had their heads submerged under the surface the majority of the time.

Whitewater Draw Wildlife Area in McNeal, Arizona

The shadows should let you know that it’s now late in the day, while the inability to see a millimeter into the water suggests it might be turning into a mud puddle in the next week.

Whitewater Draw Wildlife Area in McNeal, Arizona

Good thing we got a reservation for 7:00 p.m. as we had time to hang out and were rewarded with seeing murmurations of the yellow-headed blackbirds. While we came for the sandhill cranes, it was those little yellow-headed birds that stole the show today.

Whitewater Draw Wildlife Area in McNeal, Arizona

There’s a speck on the left that is one of the few remaining cranes flying away from the lake today, but that’s not what we were focused on; it was the sky and the reflections on the surface of the water.

Whitewater Draw Wildlife Area in McNeal, Arizona

With sunset happening at about 6:20 p.m., I thought we’d have enough time to reach Douglas since it was only about 30 minutes away, but as we made our way towards the parking area, we saw and heard that a very large party of those Yellow-headed Blackbirds were making a commotion to the south of where we’d been. There were thousands of them jostling for branch space on a section of the lake in the late-day shadows.

Whitewater Draw Wildlife Area in McNeal, Arizona

Only a tripod and an F/1.2 aperture lens would have possibly delivered a decent photo of those quick-moving little birds that were darting here and there before the thrush of hundreds of them would lift off simultaneously and readjust the position in ways we cannot begin to understand. Time to go south to our accommodation on the Mexican border.

Once we got to dinner, we were surprised to find that Cesar, who served us breakfast last year nearly to the day, was to be our server for dinner. When I saw him walk up, I remembered him immediately; it took him a solid 15 seconds to rebuild the memory. Cesar lives in Mexico and is still studying to be a nurse, just as he was last year. He’s since purchased a mirrorless camera and is getting deeper into photography.

Our room is a suite, and it’s spectacular. While my eyes are growing heavy as I try to get the more important impressions and details written down, Caroline has been luxuriating in the whirlpool in our room, and though I wish I could have been more prolific with the words, my eyes are falling shut as I push the computer to the side.

Going South, Again!

Desert south of Phoenix, Arizona

Bought a new car, check. Cleaned apartment, check. Filled the tank and picked up water, check. Time to get out of town not only to inaugurate the car for road trips, but we are also running out of February and haven’t made a proper getaway this month. Today, shortly as a matter of fact, this is being rectified. I’m currently at Starbucks, awaiting Caroline’s call to fetch her so we can get this show on the road.

This was all put together rather frantically last night in the minutes before we walked into a nearby theater to watch an anniversary showing of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Caroline suggested we could head down to Douglas, Arizona, for bird watching, a stay at the magnificent Gadsden Hotel, and to get in some hiking. What didn’t fly was her idea that we could leave Saturday morning; nope, we’ll leave Friday after work, grab a room in Tucson so we can have dinner at El Charro Steak & Del Rey, and then in the morning we, could hit Five Points Market & Restaurant if we are still around when they finally open at 8:00. Lucky us, El Charro had a high-top still available for reservation so we jumped for it. There are other things I’ve already put to the side we’ll be exploring, but I’ll wait to share those details until we are underway and out goofing off.

Well, I’m still sitting here longer than I thought I would and so I went hunting for breakfast alternatives as that 8:00 opening wasn’t sitting well with me. Then again, we might sleep in, and that could work out, but I discovered the Baja Cafe is a highly-rated place that opens at 6:00, so we might be better served to get things moving early. It’s nice to have options. Regarding options, AllTrails has been consulted, and if all goes well, we’ll venture out into at least a couple of hikes.

Sunset over Casa Grande, Arizona

Drats, while we were driving south on Interstate 10, we saw one of the famous Oscar Mayer Wienermobiles moving north. It was in sight and gone before we could snap a photo, but there it was joining the list of legendary things we’ve seen with our own eyes while out in America. Sadly, we were traveling in the opposite direction and checking their schedule; wherever that one was going, the Phoenix area was not on the list, so there was no chance of getting a Wiener Whistle this time.

Our luxury accommodations were not at the cheapest place in town; those would have been further south, and the one place priced at $38 a night was hard to pass up, but we situated ourselves as close to El Charro as budget would allow, meaning we were on the other side of the freeway at Quality Inn for the budget deal of only $80.

John Wise and Caroline Wise in Tucson, Arizona

Such a romantic time, just walking through downtown Tucson on our way to dinner. This was our third time this year getting something to eat at El Charro, and while it was great yet again, we agree that next time, we need to stretch out and try something different. Our meal started with their tableside guacamole and continued with Caroline choosing their vegan tamales while I opted for a bone-in ribeye. We also split an order of their extraordinary crispy Brussels sprouts.

On the way back to our car, we met an 18-year-old homeless girl and her dog. She was a lovely young lady who spoke of some victimization out here on the streets and told us she had been in foster care for some time. She didn’t ask for a thing which made it easy to give her a little something to feed herself and the dog unless another homeless person steals the money from her.

Once again, Caroline and I are reminded how fortunate we are.

Winter Slips Away

Caroline Wise and John Wise in Phoenix, Arizona on a cold day

Winter slips away too fast when you live in the desert. We have two seasons here, summer and not-summer, and it is this not-summer that acts as our winter. By December and January, the desert sees some cold days that could be considered seriously chilly, but these are rare, and then before we know it, the days of February march ever closer into April, and while it may not yet be summer, we know it is around the corner.

Somewhere in December, it happens that one morning, we get to collect our scarves, gloves, beanies, and even a shell, but within days, we see them sitting near the door and wonder if we shouldn’t just put them back into storage.

Then, in January, it happens: the forecast predicts a cold front with the promise of temperatures in the 30s. A simultaneous shiver goes up, as does the joy that we’ll be able to bundle up for a day or two. But here comes February, and those warm clothes by the door begin to gather dust, and we lament that summer is inching closer. And then it happens again, and in mid-February, the temperature dips below 40 degrees. While we have grown accustomed to the colder days of the season, the air is dryer than usual, which means that as we doff the multiple layers, we are building life-threatening static charges that produce sparks when we touch one another or ground ourselves. But we love our version of winter and enjoy these opportunities to wear long pants, wool, and thick socks.

During the evening, our bed is covered with a down comforter that, no matter the chill in our place (we keep the heater turned off as much as possible), always keeps us comfy and cozy within its snuggly embrace. The seat heaters in our car get a good workout these days, too, with butts the first thing warmed as we leave for the morning. If only the seats and steering wheel were cooled as the 110-degree days of summer soon take over.

Whoah, was that a teenager walking to the bus stop in shorts? Yep, winter is certainly slipping away.