Los Angeles – Day 1

Speedometer driving to California

You might notice something or other about this image that should be signaling a warning, not just the speed of driving over 100 mph across the Arizona desert, but the angle of the image lets you know I’m the one who took the photo and look at the odometer. This car is two years into a lease agreement where we thought 36,000 miles was plenty adequate for us. But then we got carried away with driving, and with the lease not finished yet we are at 82,093 miles already. That’s probably going to be expensive, but if so – oh well, as it’s been well worth the price of the adventure.

Sunset approaching Los Angeles, California

Where are we going in such a hurry? Into the sunset, which can only mean Southern California. But why?

Nuart Theatre in Los Angeles, California

We were trying to get to the last showing of Das Experiment here at the Nuart in Los Angeles, California. I figured if we could get this in on Friday, then we’d have a ton of time for all kinds of other stuff; plus, tomorrow night, we have an event already scheduled, so to avoid the conflict, we just needed to arrive in L.A. ASAP, and we did.

Mount Rushmore Trip – Day 4

Toto, we’re not in Nebraska anymore. That’s right dude, we’re in Colorado racing towards home.

But don’t think for one minute that the sightseeing is done yet. That’s the mighty Colorado River behind us, although, at this juncture in its travels, it’s not all that enormous. By the time it roars through the Grand Canyon, though, it can get out of control, but then further south in Mexico, they are lucky to see a few tablespoons of water a day trickle into their side of the bargain.

Well, the views of mountains, trees, some desert, and a big green river from here just suck. Btw, I am that person who struggles to not beep the horn all the way through the tunnel.

Caroline Wise and John Wise at the Colorado National Monument in Colorado

And BLAM! The tunnel teleported us right here to the Colorado National Monument, not really but that sounded a lot more interesting than we left Interstate 70 near Grand Junction, Colorado, to add another notch to the belt of collected National Parks and Monuments.

Colorado National Monument in Colorado

Into the sandstone as we travel back in geological time.

Colorado National Monument in Colorado

Here’s a modern-day public works project for America: build standalone bike paths through our national parks that are well away from the streets cars use. And while you’re at it build a transcontinental bike path with solar-warmed paths to automatically clear snow and ice so that on days it’s not freezing cold, people can still ride along. Of course, then we’d have to give people enough vacation time to go out and slowly explore their country, so the chances of this happening are about as great as America electing its first black president.

Is it just me, or does this river look bigger?

If we’re in canyons, we must be back in Utah or Arizona. Hmmm, this looks like Utah to me.

Somewhere between the Colorado/Utah state line and Moab.

Can you guess which nearby river is used to irrigate this lush green field?

Now south of Moab and having just passed the World-Famous Hole N” The Rock (which we have to come back to someday), we are well on our way to Arizona.

Natural Bridges National Monument in Utah

But first, we’re going to make another stop because one can never visit enough National Parks and Monuments on one trip, so we’re dropping in on Natural Bridges National Monument.

Natural Bridges National Monument in Utah

Like a scene out of Frankenstein, the ravens perched upon the dead tree in front of the gray sky observed us, slowly turning their heads as if to follow us before letting off a squawk warning us there be monsters in these parts. Yeah, this is right there with the teleportation story from earlier.

Natural Bridges National Monument in Utah

What’s the worst thing about digital photography? Taking too many photos and having more than one turn out so good that you want to go crazy and post ten views of the same thing.

Caroline Wise and John Wise at Natural Bridges National Monument in Utah

I know what you are thinking, “Weren’t you nervous that the multi-ton stone bridge over your head might fall right while you were under it?” I wasn’t worried because I went up there and jumped up and down on it about 25 times, and it didn’t break, so I figured if I couldn’t make it fall, why would it happen while we were underneath it? For the record, do not be so gullible as to believe for one moment I would do anything to damage or bring any kind of harm to any feature within 10 miles of one of our natural treasures.

The Mokee Dugway is an exciting dirt road that I can’t wait to drive when it’s wet, and we have bald tires. Seriously, what flipping idiot thought this was a good idea? Truth is, I’m mostly okay with these kinds of roads. Heck, I do drive them as we have today, but my fear that someone else might need me to back up or get close to the outside edge is a butthole-puckering moment I’d prefer to avoid.

This, though, is the payoff for taking some of these out-of-the-way roads.

Monument Valley from Utah

That’s Monument Valley out there, and on the other side of it is Arizona.

Burger King in Kayenta, Arizona

The irony that is lost on these cows is that as they graze on the Burger King grass, they are fattening themselves up to one day end up on the menu. I don’t know of anywhere else in America besides the Navajo reservation where the open range means just that: animals are free to move about anywhere. Here in Kayenta, we have seen donkeys, cows, wild dogs, and horses, just as we’ve seen in many other cities across the reservation. There’s something nice about seeing animals coexisting with us people as we all make way for each other.

Mount Rushmore Trip – Day 3

Sunrise in Wyoming

The night and day are punctuated by the beauty of the sun, turning the sky into gorgeous shades of the spectrum that strike our eyes in just a way that makes us ooh and aah. We love these travel days when we are motivated to rise early and witness these moments of dawn where the stillness and quiet are about to give way to the world reanimated.

John Wise getting a ticket in Wyoming

“I swear I did not see the speed limit sign or you hiding wherever it was that allowed you to come out of nowhere to give me this ticket.” Come on; we are out on the Great Plains where I can see for 100 miles; this state trooper must have been in an underground camouflaged bunker using a periscope radar to see that I was “kind of” going over the speed limit. He was a great sport in letting Caroline take his photo while he was giving me my ticket; all officers should be as nice as Wyoming troopers.

Bison in Wyoming

See, I told you that I couldn’t see the speed limit sign; it was behind all those bison milling around it. Come to think about this was probably some intricate speed trap, but how they trained an entire herd of bison to participate in these shenanigans is beyond my comprehension.

Devils Tower National Monument in Wyoming

I’d like to know the statistics of how many people who visit Devils Tower National Monument have that iconic 1980s music from Close Encounters of the Third Kind in their ears.

Devils Tower National Monument in Wyoming

Another one of those wildlife signs that will prove disappointing because, just like the ones that warn of elk ahead or deer crossing, there obviously will not be any prairie dogs seen today that might be ready for some potato chips.

Devils Tower National Monument in Wyoming

Okay, well, it looks like this one has already had his fill of potato chips. And no, Mr. Prairie Dog, it’s not the photo that makes you look bottom-heavy; you are that fat, did some kid give you their entire pizza?

Caroline Wise in Wyoming

Somebody built their lucky kid the greatest lemonade stand ever! Unfortunately, there was nobody else here who had some lemonade to sell us, so we commandeered it for our photo-taking purposes.

Tipple in Wyoming

This is the Aladdin Coal Tipple, built in 1898, and when it was in use, it transferred coal to rail cars. That coal was sent through Belle Fourche, South Dakota, to gold smelters at nearby Lead and Deadwood. If you ever dreamt of visiting a tipple, I’d recommend you get busy, as this is one of the last remaining of its kind in the western United States.

Aladdin, Wyoming

The town of Aladdin has shrunk from its coal mining days of having a population of about 200 to just 15 today. The old general store is now over 100 years old. A nice little place to stop for a drink and a treat on Wyoming Route 24.

Caroline Wise and John Wise entering South Dakota

Entering South Dakota for the first time from the west because this is the “Western Edge” trip to Mount Rushmore.

Black Hills of South Dakota

Into the Black Hills of South Dakota because this place is known for the Black Hills, and we have a deep desire to know all of these iconic places throughout America.

Caroline Wise in the Black Hills of South Dakota

And, of course, Caroline has a deep desire to stand in as many waterways, lakes, rivers, streams, oceans, and bodies of water across America as she can.

Caroline Wise and John Wise at Mount Rushmore in South Dakota

Maybe there’s a bit of cheesy factor going on here, but it’s still impressive. Caroline and I, being who we are, had to learn about the controversy of using Native American sacred lands for celebrating white Americans when we, as a country, have done little to nothing in gratitude for their sacrifices. You wouldn’t think it all that hard to offer at least an apology and an expression of gratitude to the many diverse peoples of our country in trying to modernize our magnanimity.

Custer State Park in South Dakota

Custer State Park is as beautiful a place as one could hope for, but I do have to scratch my head that there is not one park in America named after Crazy Horse, Sitting Bull, Chief Joseph, or Geronimo. While we do have Pontiac, Michigan, the honor of those whose lands were taken for our nation remains sadly neglected.

Custer State Park in South Dakota

From the old wooden corkscrew bridges to tiny tunnels carved through boulders instead of being blasted to smithereens that would have allowed RV’s and small airplanes to navigate these roads, the designers and engineers responsible for the layout of Custer State Park did a great job.

Custer State Park in South Dakota

We ran into a couple of bison jams on the road, but this solitary one grazing in the shade won the “Bison of the Day” award.

The snail was named “State of Maine” because we bought it while in Belfast, Maine, at the Purple Baboon back on our first cross-country road trip. The otter travels with us from the Monterey Bay Aquarium in Monterey, California, and if I’m not mistaken, the Kodama from the movie Princess Mononoke was picked up at Kinokuniya bookstore in Los Angeles, California.

Caroline Wise and John Wise entering Nebraska

Out collecting states, making sure we see as much of America as possible. That’s our motto, and I believe we’re doing pretty good living up to it.

Nebraska

Cattle on the windswept Great Plains. By the time we get home, we’ll order “The Great Plains” by Ian Frazier after falling in love with these sights and the idea that, at one time, there were seas of bison out here that painted the landscape black with their numbers. Hopefully, we’ll get a chance to read Steinbeck’s “Grapes of Wrath” before our next visit.

Nebraska

What would a visit to Nebraska be without sunflowers at sunset?

Caroline Wise and a giant sunflower in Nebraska

It would be nothing if I couldn’t beat that with the largest sunflower I’ve ever seen, along with my wife’s smiling face.

Nebraska

The metallic clang of the windmill spinning at dusk against the purple and red sky makes for a perfect close to an extraordinary day where it felt like we experienced three or four days all smushed into one.

Mount Rushmore Trip – Day 2

Albuquerque, New Mexico

We’re running late. It’s already 6:15 a.m. when we are getting back on the freeway. Why the rush? We are trying to get to Mount Rushmore in South Dakota, which is about 1,200 miles (2,000 km) from home. Our first stop this morning is 383 miles (616 km) from this overpass. Time to move quickly.

Garden of the Gods in Colorado

The trip of the “Western Edge” appears to be a theme here as we are just to the west of Colorado Springs, Colorado, when we arrive at Garden of the Gods, our first stop. This free-to-visit park was designated a National Natural Landmark in 1971, and should you find yourself driving up the middle of Colorado one day, you should drop in.

Garden of the Gods in Colorado

If we had the time, we’d be out there on that wagon for a hayride.

Garden of the Gods in Colorado

Our visit to Garden of the Gods was brief, but we did get a great impression of the place.

Caroline Wise and John Wise at Rocky Mountain National Park in Colorado

Anybody who knows us knows that there was no way we were going to pass up on the opportunity to visit a national park, even if it meant we’d have to drive through midnight. To dip our toe into Rocky Mountain National Park was only going to add about 100 miles (160 km) of driving, which sounded easy peasy to us, too, and so up the mountain, we strode.

Rocky Mountain National Park in Colorado

Out in these mountains, the Colorado River is born, which makes possible the abundance of food, life, recreation, and prosperity that many people enjoy from around the globe. Without the snowfalls in the Rockies, our lives in Arizona, Nevada, and Southern California would be vastly different.

Rocky Mountain National Park in Colorado

How lucky are the people of Earth that America’s 18th President, Ulysses S. Grant, established Yellowstone National Park? He was followed by our 26th President Theodore Roosevelt, who was one of the park system’s greatest supporters in giving to all of us these pristine, undeveloped treasures that we can experience in the way nature has shaped them without the heavy hand of man who has often been less than kind on our environment.

To the west are mountains, mountains, some desert, more mountains, and the ocean, and to the east, the Great Plains for as far as you can go, sort of.

Caroline Wise and John Wise entering South Dakota

While to the north is Wyoming and beyond that are parts unknown to the two of us, though we are willing to go into that void to see for ourselves just what is there.

And what we find is the golden sunset of perfection and you need to know that we had to bask in this beauty as long as we could because these two travel cheapos are on the hunt for a motel and not just any motel.

Carpet in cheap motel, Wyoming

We scored with that vintage kind of flair that lets you know these rooms have not been renovated since 1974. The great thing about this carpet is that it doesn’t matter how many people before our arrival have bled, ejaculated, vomited, urinated, defecated, blew snots on, or rolled around with open sores on the carpet because that’s all lost in the pattern. No, we do not travel with a black light, as knowledge is not power when you are only interested in saving money.

Cheap motel in Wyoming

These types of bed covers are a kind of Russian roulette where you just want to close your eyes before pulling back the corner. Then you have to decide if you really want to count how many pubic hairs are on the sheets and pillows. Almost worse is when you realize there’s no blanket underneath it and that this thing is going to be lying right on top of you. Our favorite moments, though, are when we finally do lay down, and gravity pulls us into the developing black hole at the center of the mattress that hardly qualifies as being such, as it is more a membrane funneling us into the center of the universe known as the “pile of John and Caroline trying to not roll onto each other.”

Mount Rushmore Trip – Day 1

Caroline Wise and John Wise leaving Arizona

When leaving on a Labor Day weekend, make note that it is better to depart on Thursday, a day before everyone else is about to hit the road for the last long weekend of summer. It was already after 3:00 in the afternoon when we joined the barely moving cluster of holidaygoers that had us inching out of the city.

Bloody Basin Road sign in Arizona

What should have taken about 45 minutes to reach the Bloody Basin Road exit took about 90 minutes today, but once we got to this point on the highway we were moving fast and were well on our way.

Meteor City, Arizona

We passed through Flagstaff at 6:00 p.m. and drove east on the I-40 as sunset was approaching. Caroline was pointing out how long it had been since we last traveled this highway and how much she enjoyed seeing the Painted Desert, the various Trading Posts with their faux teepees, and the roadside dinosaurs that try to pull people into Holbrook for petrified tree souvenirs.

Toilet Mint at Motel in Albuquerque, New Mexico

It was 9:00 p.m. when we passed through Lupton, Arizona, and already 10:01 p.m. when we hit the New Mexico state line less than a mile later. Oh yeah, we changed time zones! By 11:30, we are checked into our $26-a-night Interstate Inn on the western edge of Albuquerque. At the time I took this photo, I was too tired and bleary-eyed to notice the urine stain carnage, but what does one expect for $26? I took the photo because of the toilet mint, which perfumed our room with its men’s room odor. No time to worry about these things as we’ll be back on the road in little more than six hours.

Giant Moth

Caroline Wise near Tucson, Arizona

Drove down earlier in the day to visit the Silvas in Tucson, and on the way home this evening, we pulled over needing gas and found this giant moth with some waterlogged wings that had it stuck to the ground. It is early August, we are still having monsoons and rather than let this beautiful specimen be run over by the next driver, Caroline got out and collected the moth, giving it the chance to dry its wings enough to return to mobility.