Monterey, California – Day 1

Caroline Wise and John Wise driving to California

Do those look like the questioning faces of doubt? Well, if you don’t think so, it’s because it’s well hidden. Every time we head up the California coast, we wonder out loud if this will be the time that we find ourselves bored. Yet the moment we are underway, the excitement about our return blossoms.

An ice chest is on the seat behind us, two dozen mix CDs are ready to be our soundtrack, we have the camera, and we are holding hands as we drive over the Arizona desert. This four-day weekend is being noted in recognition of our 10th Anniversary that happened this past Tuesday. Tonight, we’ll be staying in Santa Barbara with our aunt Ann and uncle Woody after our 510-mile drive out.

Jessica on Last Day

Eleanor Burke (formerly Kurchoff) and Jessica Wise in Phoenix, Arizona

With Auntie being 91 years old, there was no denying the fact that no one knows how much longer she’ll be with us, and so with her being the kindest, gentlest person I’ve ever known, it was important for Jessica to spend every moment she could with her.

Karen Goff (formerly Kurchoff) and Jessica Wise in Phoenix, Arizona

With henna from the Garba still on her hands, Jessica’s visit to Arizona was coming to an end. I was about to bring her to the airport for her flight back to Florence, Texas, and a special kind of misery she was desperately trying to escape.

I should explain here my unkind words regarding her situation in Texas. Back in 1999, she called asking to come live with us in Scottsdale; I had to tell her to stick it out and finish her education (as it was) right there where she’d grown up. Moving from the sticks to one of the snootiest uptight communities in America would open her up to bullying ridicule for her Texan drawl, and she’d be disadvantaged by parents who wouldn’t pacify a need to compete with the snobs we were living among. While we don’t like elitism, we also don’t like the depravity that often accompanies poverty and so Caroline and I were still trying to reconcile this dichotomy in our own situation here in America. Now that she’s nearly finished with school, as much as I’d like to invite her to stay, she’s too close to graduating. While her mom is a dear person, her choice of men has been questionable. Such is my mea culpa.

Hindu Reception

Alka and Hitesh at their wedding reception in Phoenix, Arizona

Cake, speeches, performances, and dance are all part of the evening reception and the end of the marriage ceremony.

Jay Patel, Sonal Patel, and Caroline Wise at the wedding reception for Alka and Hitesh in Phoenix, Arizona

As we walked into the reception, we were greeted with the images and inspirational messages I made a couple of months ago that are reminders to Alka and Hitesh of what’s important in the days of their lives going forward. Caroline and I didn’t stay very long this evening as having Jessica in town, we didn’t want to leave her for too long, nor was she alone as she was spending more time with her great grandfather, grandmother, great aunt, and cousin.

Hindu Marriage

Anju and Suru Patel bringing the groom to a wedding of their daughter Alka in Phoenix, Arizona

The big day is here, with Alka and Hitesh at the center of it all. Hitesh arrived on a horse-drawn carriage and is being brought forward by his in-laws Anju and Suru.

Alka about to marry Hitesh in Phoenix, Arizona

Meanwhile, the ladies, who are all friends and family, pose with the bride one more time before she’s brought out into the ceremony.

Alka on her way to marry Hitesh in Phoenix, Arizona

Alka arrived the old-fashioned way, in a palanquin.

Alka and Hitesh marrying in Phoenix, Arizona

And thus started a process steeped in tradition, ceremony, prayers, and offerings.

Jay Patel and Caroline Wise at the wedding of Alka and Hitesh in Phoenix, Arizona

While Caroline loves the opportunity to don formal wear, I have a nearly allergic reaction to needing to wear a dress shirt, tie, and proper slacks, but we wouldn’t have missed this possible once-in-a-lifetime chance to attend a Hindu wedding.

Alka and Hitesh marrying in Phoenix, Arizona

Everything about this wedding is ornate and beautiful.

Sonal Patel at the wedding of Alka and Hitesh in Phoenix, Arizona

The attendees have all ensured they arrive at each event over the many days of the wedding in a dress that hasn’t been used recently, and in many cases, they’ve bought at least one new dress for the most important dates.

Alka and Hitesh with Sonal and Hemu after the wedding in Phoenix, Arizona

After nearly a year of preparation and an exhausting sprint to the actual ceremony, the day is a long one before Alka and Hitesh are done with their role in the day’s events. The couple must pose with nearly every conceivable combination of guests and family, many of whom have traveled from the other side of Earth to be here for them. Tomorrow is the reception, and we are told it will be a small affair compared to similar functions in India that can draw upwards of a thousand people who are all friends and family.

Jessica Dancing at Garba

Alka Patel at garba ceremony for her upcoming wedding in Phoenix, Arizona

It’s the night before Alka’s wedding, and it’s also Kushbu’s birthday, so a bunch of friends and family have come together for Garba. Garba is about the dance of life, with the word itself coming from a combination of “womb” and “light.” The little earthenware lights that Alka is lighting are part of the symbolism of the dance that celebrates life.

Sonal Patel at Garba in Phoenix, Arizona

Alka is Sonal’s niece, while Kushbu is her daughter. Thanks to Sonal for inviting us.

Jessica Wise, Caroline Wise, and Jay Patel at Garba in Phoenix, Arizona

I am so impressed with my daughter Jessica Wise, as she did not hesitate to put on traditional Indian clothing of salwar-kameez and dupatta. Of course, we feel a bit awkward being here as we have much uncertainty about how things work. Fortunately, Jay is sticking by our sides, and to be honest, everyone here would go out of their way to make us feel welcome.

Jessica Wise's hands with henna at Garba in Phoenix, Arizona

Rinku did a quick bit of henna artwork on Jessica’s hands for the dance tonight.

My daughter Jessica Wise dancing with Dandiya at a Garba held for a friend getting married here in Phoenix, Arizona

The dance moves in circles and often uses dandiya, the two sticks each participant is holding. While the Hindus move with grace and ease I can tell you from previous experiences Caroline feels like a donkey stumbling in a rose garden. Just when and on which step should a dandiya be tapped to the person in front of you is a bit of a mystery.

My daughter Jessica Wise, Sonal Patel, and Caroline Wise dancing with Dandiya at a Garba held for a friend getting married here in Phoenix, Arizona

Maybe thinking of this as a kind of Gujarati circular line dancing would help; then again, Caroline doesn’t know line dancing either.

I have to give credit to Jessica’s mom, Sheila Clark, now Clemens, as it has been primarily her influence and guidance since our divorce that has helped steer Jessica into being such an open-minded and interested young woman. I hope my daughter continues to strive to be intelligent enough to grab those experiences in life that take a person beyond the ordinary and lend memories to a life that couch potatoes and the creatures of habit will never experience or enjoy. I really am proud of my daughter for not going full Texas.

Anju Patel, Kushbu Patel, Hemu Patel, and Sonal Patel cutting a cake for Kushbu's Birthday in Phoenix, Arizona

Enough dance, not that I participate in any case, let’s have some cake. Kushbu is the youngest in the photo in the green dress. Her sister Hemu is on her left while her aunt Anju cuts the cake.

Kushbu Patel and her Grandmother at Garba and Kushbu's Birthday in Phoenix, Arizona

Kushbu’s grandmother, who I only know as Ba (the word for grandmother), offers her the first taste of the sweet. Over the next couple of minutes, those closest to her will all offer her a bite, as is tradition.

Sonal Patel and family at Garba in Phoenix, Arizona

Some of Sonal’s relatives she hasn’t seen in quite a long time have all traveled to Arizona to help celebrate Alka’s wedding.

Jessica on Christmas Day

Jessica Wise, Rinku Shah, Caroline Wise at Indo Euro Foods in Phoenix, Arizona

How do we spend Christmas day? Definitely not opening presents under a crispy, dry tree while drinking nutmeg spice anything. We look for Chinese and Indian restaurants that are not observant of this sappy day. We go out and enjoy places as the masses are at home, feigning excitement while trying to contain the horror of what this holiday cost them. Here we are at Indo Euro Foods with Rinku.

Jessica Wise and Jay Patel at Indo Euro Foods in Phoenix, Arizona

Jay is here too because someone needs to be on hand renting them Bollywood flicks to other heathens. I seriously do not mean that pejoratively as Caroline and I would gladly do anything this time of year than listen to another Xmas jingle that has been bombarding us for the past two months.

Karen Goff (formerly Kurchoff) and Jessica Wise in Phoenix, Arizona

So grandma wanted to see Jessica on Christmas day, and it’s hard to deny her this little pleasure. If you noticed that there was nothing posted on Christmas Eve, it’s because we needed a day to recover and did next to nothing yesterday. After we left grandma’s house this afternoon, we went out and smashed people’s Christmas displays in their front yards and sang death metal songs at their front doors in lieu of carols.