Christmas Day

JWise Photo of the Day, Travels

Dawn over Monterey Bay in Pacific Grove, California

Drats, we stayed at a place without a chimney, so Santa couldn’t deliver the goods; probably a good thing because just as I don’t need any new synth modules, Caroline has enough yarn. What we can never have enough of are beautiful sunrises and great breakfasts. Lucky us, the Old Monterey Cafe was open for breakfast today, only not at 6:45 as the busser told us the day before, more like 8:00. So we took a walk across the street to a bagel shop for a cup of coffee as we were willing to wait.

Point Lobos State Natural Reserve in Carmel, California

We’ve been up here on the central coast countless times, but we’ve never stopped at Point Lobos State Natural Reserve due to a gazillion cars parked roadside, as the parking lot is always full. At 9:00 on Christmas Day, it turns out that we are some of the first people in the reserve. This was the first view that opened up on the trail.

Surf spilling into a shallow basin in Point Lobos State Natural Reserve

Not but a few more steps up the trail, and the power of the ocean is on display a few hundred feet below us. While the ocean was calm when we arrived a couple of days before, it’s churning today. Today is also the beginning of my sense of vertigo kicking in as we encounter more than our fair share of precipitous drops and sheer cliffs that rouse the electrifying sense of deleterious swirling going on in my derriere; well that’s just where it happens!

View while at Point Lobos State Natural Reserve

The plan is to have no real plan; as we were driving down Highway 1 with the idea we’d go south, that was about as far as we’d gotten with having a plan. When Caroline saw the sign for Point Lobos, she suggested that maybe today was a good day to visit, turns out she was right. Now that we’re here, we’ll see where the trail takes us.

Lichen on a tree at Point Lobos State Natural Reserve

So a plan has developed, and it dictates we go slow, real slow. Our inspiration comes from this algae (Trentepohlia) that grows slowly and does not sway in the wind, migrate, or retreat in the rain. They just hang on to the surface they are attached to and imperceptibly spread out and thicken. While I could easily look it up while I’m here writing this, I’m leaving a note to my future self reminding me that I didn’t search for an answer and that I may still want to know what purpose these algae and the lichen they often live with symbiotically serve?

Sedimentary rocks layers reminiscent of similar formations in Grand Canyon National Park

Dear Geologists, when might this rock have been uplifted? Its creases are perpendicular to the rock itself instead of the ocean, and if I’m not mistaken, aren’t those creases caused by water running over the rock surface?

Breaking wave at Point Lobos State Natural Reserve

The waves roll in with a swell that, in some respects, appears relatively slow until it is compressed into something unmovable, and then its true force becomes apparent. As the water reacts to not having enough space within the volume it occupies, it moves in an unobstructed direction, and in this case, that means going straight up. Air is simultaneously displaced, often with a whoosh, and water escapes as mist and spray in whichever direction the physics of the environment and moment allows. We are left with a beautiful explosion and thunderous clap of water; the rocks are left with just a little less material as erosion acts on them to rearrange their structure into something different, and memories are built and changed with nature’s infinite unfolding.

Caroline Wise and John Wise at Point Lobos State Natural Reserve

Occasionally, we, too, are part of the landscape.

Cormorants at Point Lobos State Natural Reserve

We’ve reached Bird Island near the end of the trail here at Point Lobos State Natural Reserve. The birds we are looking at are cormorants, except for those three seagulls having identity issues. For a moment, I think about their freedom, certain they don’t have opposable thumbs and that their food is always cold, but they get to warm up on an island not fit for humans without deploying a serious amount of dynamite. Their home is found wherever they happen to land. Their buffet is bountiful and free, only requiring them to spot it and then fall out of the sky into the water to retrieve it. So as long as they avoid the hawk, eagle, and us humans, they are free to fly, walk, swim, and eat without systems where the exchange of time, taxes, and mental turmoil impinge on the freedom of us humans without the means to afford some of the freedoms the more fortunate can play with.

Caroline Wise at the southern end of Point Lobos State Natural Reserve

Caroline is pointing to the place where our trail will take a final turn inland and back to our car. It’s been a great walkout here as we stroll along the ocean, lost in the beauty of it all and entertained by our thoughts or lack thereof.

Garrapata Beach near Big Sur, California

Too late to return north as we’d figured we would likely be somewhere on the road stuck in traffic in Carmel instead of enjoying the sunset, so we went further south to Garrapata Beach. This is our favorite beach if one could have a favorite beach as it seems that all beaches to some degree are our favorite. What makes this one unique is the quick break of the waves close to shore after welling up to heights that are taller than we are and then some tall cliffs behind us that must capture the sound of the crashing waves because it sounds like a freight train rumbling through here. In our travels from the coast of Alaska and Hawaii, the North Sea to the Atlantic, and the Gulf of Mexico to the Pacific, this beach has stood up as having the loudest, most thunderous waves, and for that reason, it is exhilarating. For size, volume, and speed the North Shore of Oahu wins that contest.

Garrapata Beach north of Big Sur, California

So this was our Christmas day: a slow walk in the universe of infinite coastal beauty without the emotional and consumer drama that seems to bog people down in obligations instead of true celebration.

Coastal Dreams

JWise Photo of the Day, Travels

Three seals and a seagull in Monterey Bay, California

Yesterday’s 12-hour drive from Phoenix, Arizona, to Monterey Bay, California, was meant to bring us to this: the ocean. Before we stepped out for a long walk along the shore, we’d stopped at our favorite cafe in these parts, known as Old Monterey Cafe. We’ll likely eat breakfast there every day we’re here. Once back near the Lovers Point Inn, where we’re staying in Pacific Grove, it was time to take off for a leisurely four-hour, four-mile walk along the ocean.

Some coastal winter color in the form of Torch Aloe

We have no set schedule, nor are we moving our lodging. This is uncommon for us and may just be a sign of getting older; that, or it’s a testament to how much we love this part of the California coast. Our love of the coast starts in San Luis Obispo and stretches to Pt. Reyes and Mendocino before we pick up again near the Redwoods before hitting Oregon. Today, though, we’ll stay within a few miles of just where we are now; there was enough driving yesterday, so I’d like a break and have a slow day.

Coastal rocks in Pacific Grove, California

I cannot recall how many times we may have walked past this exact spot. Was it stormy or calm on previous visits? Overcast or sunny? High or low tide? It doesn’t matter because, in some respects, it’s the first time we’ve ever walked past this, as it is as beautiful a detail as one has ever seen and adds to the overall experience that brings delight to our coastal sojourn.

Ice plant in Pacific Grove, California

Winter on the California coast might be more akin to the same season down in Florida, but the spectacle of the rocky coast, whales, and pelicans are unique to this side of the country. While others may revel in the snow of a white Christmas, we’ll take sun and ocean any day; see our Christmas trip to Hawaii for confirmation of this claim.

The seagull

This fine specimen of seagull is the most ubiquitous of wildlife one will see here on the coast; the most endearing trait of these feathered friends is their raucous squawk that lets you know that you are near the sea. While some think of them as flying rats, they hold a special place in Caroline’s and my heart for their enthusiastic and flamboyant lifestyles.

Fluke of a humpback whale in Monterey Bay, California

More mysterious and typically unseen is the whale. We’d traveled to the Pacific Ocean dozens of times before we ever saw a hint of whale, and now it seems like we spot a few on every trip. Once you first see a spout, you are forever familiar with and know what to look for, and that’s how we eyed today’s pod. This fluke belongs to the humpback variety. Our day was made upon seeing this sight.

Mission San Carlos Borroméo del río Carmelo also known as Carmel Mission

This is the basilica of the Carmel Mission and the resting place of Saint Junipero Serra. It’s the second time we’ve had the opportunity to visit, and the first time over Christmas. If it weren’t for the large crowds expected for Mass and our exceptionally tired feet, we may have returned, but that will have to be left for a subsequent visit. From here, we required a coffee followed by some dinner that turned out a little harder to obtain, seeing most places were booked solid due to it being Christmas Eve. The evening ended with yet another walk before we passed out by an early-for-us 9:30.

Difficulty and Ego

JWise Moments

Calibrating the Ornament & Crime Eurorack Module

The pain of learning something complex is exacerbated by the risk of exposing oneself to the perceived notion that ridicule could be an outcome of accomplishing anything less than perfection. This dilemma and fear of allowing others to see your incompetence as you struggle forward are real and unfortunate.

I have endeavored for more than a year to learn about making electronic music on an incredibly deep and complex machine where I’m confronted with difficulty every time I turn it on. For example, just last night, I spent a couple of hours trying to calibrate my Ornament & Crime modules. While I’ve had these for quite some time, it has not been necessary prior to now to have them properly calibrated.

As a matter of fact, it was not my intention to even start that process last night; I was simply looking for the instructions on how to change the time until the screensaver kicked in because one of the units was set to 15 seconds, and the other 25 seconds(?). So I set them both to 30 seconds, but while I was on the instruction page, I saw the information regarding calibration. I didn’t build these modules (they are DIY units), so I figured the two guys who built them surely calibrated them before they shipped them to me. They may have, but as I would come to learn, other factors can interfere with how accurately they are calibrated.

On my first pass, I had to contend with the fact that my Mordax Data Oscilloscope only reads out two decimals of accuracy, and the instructions were telling me to take it to four decimals. I started the process and decided to get as close as possible. After finishing the second unit, I glanced over the instructions again, but this time, I saw that it clearly says that as you go from, say, 3.99 to 4.00 volts, there could be a flicker of the numbers; rotate the dial just until the flicker stops, and you’ll probably be extremely close to 4.0000V, and so I started over and readjusted my calibration. For the calibration point around 0.0000V, as soon as I got to -0.00, I adjusted the encoder until I had a solid -0.00V without flicker.

Mostly done with the second unit and my eyes straining in the poor light, I turned on two LED USB lamps that are mounted directly in my Eurorack case. They each have 10 LEDs, so I get some great bright light on my instrument. There’s a problem, though: as I turned on the lights, the calibrated voltage shifted. I turned off the lights, and the voltage returned to near-perfect calibration. Turned them back on, and sure enough, I was seeing a shift in voltage that would have a small, maybe imperceptible impact on the notes being sent out of this module.

Lucky me, I was also starting to think about that -0.00V reading and got to wondering if there wasn’t a point between the negative zero and positive zero. Seeing I was going to start over again anyway, I sent directly to the zero reading, and sure enough, there were quite a few turns of the encoder before I got to the point where the readout was flickering between -0.00V and 0.00V. Once the minus sign stopped flickering on and off, I figured that I had a near-perfect zero voltage point. With that, I had to calibrate these units one more time.

This issue arose because I finally took time to look for something in the manual, and upon finding one thing, I casually and not very accurately read another and because I didn’t even try to be meticulous in the slightest, I moved forward without enough information to do things right the first or second time.

Now, finally, we get to the gist of why I started this blog entry. Eurorack synths, foreign languages, electrical engineering, coding for things like deep learning and complex network systems, and a host of other non-intuitive endeavors/hobbies can tax our faculties and make us scratch our heads about why we sought out something that at times feels impossible to excel at.

Our egos at these weak points ravage us with uncertainty and can make us not only angry with ourselves, but with others around us. Case in point: forums!

How many of us want to be mad at a thing and its creator because the version we bought is obviously broken? Most often, it is not broken; on the contrary, it is us that is broken. We have been set up by a system that doesn’t have much room for mistakes and failure. You have one chance to win, one chance to get good grades, one chance to get things right, or risk getting fired from your job.

We then apply this to the things that should bring us a sense of personal accomplishment, but our conditioning from a relentless march into incremental, often meaningless rewards is then applied to our passions. From the inability to master difficult situations and complex learning scenarios, we don’t want to risk our egos and allow shame to hammer away at us, so we lash out and blame something or someone else. We are not adulting when this happens. Instead, we go to a forum and rant as a poor exercise in a catharsis that only works to alienate the hostile blowhard who is likely feeding the anxiety of those who would like to help but are put off by the toxic volatility of the poster.

This then begs the question, “So what do we do as a society to correct this broken process?” The answer is too complex and would require another few thousand words to start to offer my thoughts on some of the structural and cultural issues that could be part of our dialog, but this blog entry is already too nerdy and long, so maybe that’s a topic for another day. It’s kind of like starting the calibration process only to recognize there’s more to know, and you’ll just have to do it again and again anyway, so persistence, at least, should be a large part of the key.

Stillson Hammer Time

JWise Moments, Photo of the Day

The past couple of weeks I was offered the opportunity to beta test a new firmware for the Stillson Hammer MKII from Industrial Music Electronics. The Stillson Hammer is a Eurorack format modular synthesizer piece of gear from Scott Jaeger out of the state of Washington.

I first learned of this device in the late spring of 2016, and by the summer, I was ready to place my order. The Stillson Hammer had a rocky start when it first shipped in March 2016, with more than a few bug reports and frustration getting it to play nice. By the time I made my order in July, the firmware had been updated to version 1.5, but it was still less than perfect. Hot on its heels was firmware version 1.666, which was poetically appropriate, seeing that the list price of the Stillson Hammer was $666.

Even with its share of wonky behaviors, this sequencer was building a dedicated fan base. In mid-September, I finally received notice that my unit was shipping; my enthusiasm had not been tarnished by the negative reports. I guess my many years of testing software braced me for dealing with a product that is evolving.

Stillson Hammer MKII from Industrial Music Electronics

What made the Stillson Hammer so desirable was its emphasis on live performance and modulation possibilities. While the MakeNoise Rene was arguably more popular that summer, it wasn’t suited for live shows. The other big point of differentiation was that this sequencer had four CV and four gate outputs. In addition to the 16 sliders for snappy adjustments of gate and CV values for each of the steps per track, it appeared that we were on the verge of a huge shift in sequencers for the modular market.

The ER-101 from Orthogonal Devices may have been more fully packed with features, and it was certainly out a lot longer than any of the competition, having been released in December 2013. The companion device known as the ER-102 followed a year later, but with the full system price at over $1000, it was out of reach for many. What it had going for it was deep programmability, four tracks, 99 steps, eight CVs, and four gates; with the ER-102, the capabilities skyrocketed. While this module remains a strong contender as the best sequencer for serious composers, it is a bit difficult to program on the fly during live performances. Colin Benders is certainly the exception to the rule regarding this last claim.

So, creating something that went beyond the one track, one CV, and one gate-dominant design that could be had for only $566 on sale was something the market was hungry for. Scott Jaeger hit on the right design at the right time. Keeping an impatient fan base happy while he nearly single-handedly dealt with the pressures of manufacturing, creating new products for the next big trade shows, maintaining existing products, dealing with customer service, and having a life may prove as difficult for him as it does for the majority of small companies operating with between 1 and 5 employees.

When my Stillson Hammer arrived, it may not have been perfect, but I was even less so. This was my first dedicated Eurorack sequencer, and I honestly didn’t understand the first thing about tracks, steps, gates, scales, ratchets, delays, and transposing. As I stumbled through some rudimentary tutorials in exploring this thing of complexity, I had plenty of other options within my rack to distract me from the other things I didn’t understand.

Around the same time all of this was happening, I was expanding my company that had just gone public and was taking my employee count from 20 to 30 people after raising another round of capital. I was busy. As the end of the year rolled around, I was mostly oblivious and unaffected by the issues I was reading about the Stillson Hammer in the forums, as the topics were mostly beyond my comprehension and fully in the domain of people who apparently knew what they were doing. I’ve since come to learn there are a lot of people new to Eurorack who also have no idea what they are doing.

January 2017 saw a lot of chatter about pending firmware updates. I took the opportunity to order a Picket 3 device for $20, so I’d be ready when it arrived. In April, firmware version 1.777 was delivered along with my skill set having to come to grips with updating my Stillson Hammer.

To someone already lost in the confusion of this modular synthesis entanglement of complexity, it is easy to feel updating your device is a near impossibility. First, I needed this strange little red electronic device known as a Pickit that I’d never used before. Next, I needed an application called MPLab IPE, that’s a 600MB download and, at first glance, is intimidating. The Stillson Hammer user manual offered nothing in the way of help. Fortunately, some friendly soul on the internet shared his story about how to update the firmware.

Still being a green user of sequencers the advances from 1.666 to 1.777 were invisible to me. Then, in September, Scott started releasing a quick succession of updates, starting with 1.85 and culminating with 1.852. By this time, I had cultivated enough familiarity with the Stillson Hammer that the improvements earned quality of life points for me.

Just a month later, Scott reached out to me after he and I exchanged a couple of emails regarding an order I had made for a Plexiglas window replacement for the red film that shipped with early units. He asked if I’d be interested in testing firmware 2.0. My answer was an enthusiastic yes.

How Scott thought I’d be a good candidate to test his firmware is beyond me, but as I accepted, I was determined that I was going to give him some kind of feedback.

What was great about the next few weeks was that I had to methodically go through every single detail that I could explore to the best of my ability. My familiarity with the Stillson Hammer was going up exponentially. The previous year spent learning about the multitude of other things I needed to understand was starting to pay dividends in my overall understanding.

There were a lot of rough spots and inconsistencies still in the firmware prior to this push for 2.0. There were probably many things I reported to Scott that were not issues but design choices for things I wasn’t familiar with enough to understand why they worked the way they did. All the same, Scott took the time to read each of my short missives and, on occasion, explain why something was the way it was. As I progressed from beta 1 to 2, 3, 4, and finally released candidate 1, I saw more than a few things I’ve reported fixed and at least a couple of new additions. The capability and maturity of the Stillson Hammer is now rock solid, in my humble opinion. With the new firmware, it will be an interesting next couple of weeks as others start to dissect and push the boundaries of what this sequencer does; I hope to learn a lot more from these enthusiasts.

Through all of this, the tutorials from Robotopsy and a Japanese language tutorial from Clock Face Modular were watched more than a couple of times each. The user manual in its first incarnation didn’t help me that much, but it promises to get better with the final release of the 2.0 firmware. Giving yourself some dedicated time to methodically dig into a sequencer while reading and watching all that you can ultimately pay off, but it’s a tough slog when you come from knowing nothing about music composition prior to diving into the world of Eurorack.

The TimefireVR Crew

JWise Dreams, TimefireVR

TimefireVR Crew 2017

Diversity, camaraderie, dedication, commitment, loyalty, and an effort beyond anything I could have ever dreamed of. That is what best describes this group photo of the team that I had assembled.

The majority of these amazing people have had to go on to explore other opportunities, but I am forever grateful for what they gave to a dream that had been percolating in my imagination for over 25 years. This summer, just after the 4th of July holiday, I had to do something that was the single most isolating and distressing thing I’ve had to do as the founder of a company; I had to let them all go.

It has taken me more than 90 days to bring myself to look at these faces, and seeing them again simultaneously warms my heart and strikes me in the gut with how much I miss them. I can never fully explain the profound disappointment I felt and continue to feel that on the verge of trying to find our place in the world, we ran out of options and money and were no longer able to keep them employed. While we had all the growing pains one would expect from a startup that was simultaneously trying to invent and innovate, on the whole, we had an awesome team.

There are a few people not in the photo, notably my co-founder Jeffrey and myself. In the days this photo was taken, we were scrambling, looking for options to make payroll. The hoped-for bump in sales or attracting a partner with deep pockets never materialized. This was especially difficult for us, as we were in active conversations with some larger players following our favorable press, comparing us to being the “Virtual Minecraft meets Facebook.”

Doors started opening, but funds to meaningfully engage in those conversations were greatly inhibited. Over the course of the summer, we were able to maintain a skeleton crew that not only kept the platform alive but have revamped many things that have put us in the position to release our title anew, and we are now compatible with not only the HTC Vive but the Oculus Rift from Facebook too.

The old adage “A dollar short and a day late” certainly applies here, though that doesn’t absolve me of the guilt I feel in letting these people down.

I do not know how to repay them or even honor them. Along the way, I have felt a lot of gratitude and a fair share of outright hostility and hatred for how I chose to do things or how things were done due to the compromises that come with spending other people’s money, but life goes on, or at least it should.

My ambition was large, and enthusiasm great as a group of mostly amateurs strove to create something I hoped would be beneficial to society by not diving into the tropes of violence, misogyny, winners, and losers.