Rare Sights

The common sparrow

This is not a rare sight; on the contrary, it is the common sparrow. So why post it? Because I don’t often see common sparrows next to the Pacific Ocean with a perfect blue sky and red flowering torch aloe for a backdrop, so it’s kind of rare.

Two harbor seals in Monterey Bay, California

Two common harbor seals on a rock. Again, not something I’m likely to encounter in the desert of Arizona, nor will the people of Minnesota around this time of year when they are hitting -37 degrees of coldness.

Caroline Wise buying yarn at Monarch Knitting in Pacific Grove, California

Okay, this is pretty common, as in way too common a sight for me. This is what every fiber artist MUST do on vacation: search and visit every yarn shop on your travel route! Today, we made the pilgrimage to Monarch Knitting in Pacific Grove, but I should cut the wife some slack because the yarn she’s holding is the yarn I chose. When we walked in and were greeted by the staff, I immediately asked for the fingering weight yarn (as I’m oft to do) so I could scope some yarn suitable for socks. Those colors will end up as a pair on my feet sometime in 2018. They represent the sunset and color of the ocean for me. Caroline also picked up about $8000 in yarn for herself because that’s what these junkies do. Well, maybe it was only 4 or 5 skeins for about a hundred bucks; I’m getting old, and my powers of observation have only become more refined in how self-serving they are. There, wife – you happy that I finally admitted it in print?

The Point Sur Light Station

This is not a rare sight, but the perspective is about to change to one that is rare. It just so happens that after 20 years of passing this rock in the distance, we have arrived on the right day at the right time to be able to visit it. This is the Point Sur Light Station and is open for three scheduled visits per week: one on Saturday, one on Sunday, and one at 1:00 p.m. on Wednesdays (check the hours as these are for Winter).

Point Sur Light Station welcome sign and meeting point

The three tours are only offered on a first-come-first-serve basis. We arrived over an hour early but still, there were two cars in front of us. By the time the gate was opened, there were certainly more people wanting in than are allowed. The tours are limited to 40 visitors, and there are NO reservations. After driving down the single-lane road to the base of the volcanic rock, we collect and divide into two groups that make the walk up the even narrower road without guard rails that fall off to a steep drop to the ocean where death awaits the person who steps in the wrong direction or driver whose brakes are less than stellar. My vertigo is about to go crazy.

Point Sur Naval Facility

This is the Point Sur Naval Facility, which was once part of a worldwide network of defensive listening stations that tracked the movement of Soviet submarines. The Point Sur NAVFAC is one of the remaining Sound Surveillance System (SOSUS) facilities and the only one remaining on the West Coast (according to the California Parks website). It is rumored that the site will open to the public at some point in the future.

Walking up the paved trail to the Point Sur Light Station

Pausing as we climb the 371-foot tall rock to the lighthouse that was first lit on August 1, 1889, and finally automated in 1974 as it became too expensive to employ humans to guarantee the functionality of the light and horn that warned ships for almost 100 years. As we walked up the rock, our docent Melissa shared stories about the facility and some history. Ricky was the other docent who was just behind us.

A bridge on the final leg to reach the Point Sur lighthouse

This little bridge nearly stopped me from seeing the lighthouse. Do you see the gap on the right side? That gap and the larger one on the ocean side drop into oblivion, a.k.a. DEATH. My knees were wobbling, and my lower intestines were knotting into vibrating, wracked contortions of squeamishness, sending their horrific energy straight out my pooper; sorry, but that’s where the center of anxiety driven by vertigo dwells in my body. Knowing there were children in the group that had been walking near the edge of the trail and hadn’t shown a care in the world, there was no way the old dude was going to belly-crawl this bridge or turn around I mustered some strength and aimed for the third GAPING crack from the right (hoping it didn’t open as I passed) and tried to follow its line. Once on the other side, the wood rail that was acting as a barrier ended, and the asphalt gave way to the sky and probably more death – oh, how I hate that I have vertigo. On the other side of all of this, Melissa assured me that we weren’t returning the same way. Hopefully, this would be a relief, but I still didn’t know if other hairy corners awaited me.

The Point Sur Lighthouse

The Point Sur Lighthouse is seen in most of its glory. I say most because the original Fresnel lens was removed years ago, though the preparations for its return are being made, and maybe on a subsequent visit, we’ll visit at night and be able to see the beam reaching out to sea. This is a milestone in our travel as we have looked out upon this rock and longed to visit but could never quite coordinate our time of arrival; today will be a day to stand out. Not only have we finally made it out here, but according to Melissa, we are extraordinarily lucky with the weather, as it is a rare day in winter when blue skies and relatively warm temperatures greet visitors.

Inside the Point Sur Lighthouse

It’s a pretty tight fit for 20 people to stand in this room to listen to the docent tell of the history held in this facility; no wonder we break up into two groups. Upstairs, the squeeze is on until Melissa invites one of the other guests to open a side door so we can step outside.

Caroline Wise and John Wise atop the Point Sur Lighthouse on a windy day

Once outside, things were wide open and cool compared to the stuffy little room under the glass enclosure of the lighthouse. Then we walked around the northeast corner, where the wind was blowing so hard that Caroline and I removed our glasses for fear of having them blown off our faces as we turned around for a selfie. Other versions have Caroline’s hair standing almost straight up while my short-cropped helmet of brittle gray hair sits nearly shellacked to my big redhead. In this photo, the hump on my left shoulder can be seen; I’m usually pretty good about hiding that side of my anatomy, as being a hunchback comes with some stigma. Being out here and having all of our senses stimulated is a win of epic proportions that tickles both of us to a delight that other mortals might only dream of experiencing. We attribute this sense of adventure to love, knowledge, and being nerds.

The Point Sur Lighthouse

This is the money shot for me. The path leads us up a steep stairway that climbs the rest of the distance to the top of the rock, which is the Point Sur Light Station. It is from those stairs that I stopped to snap this photo. It sure would be amazing to return someday to see the Fresnel lens back in there.

The carpentry and blacksmith shop at Point Sur Light Station

This is the carpentry and blacksmith shop that sits in front of the lighthouse; behind me are the living quarters called the Triplex, where the assistants to the lighthouse keeper lived. That facility is currently being renovated, while this shop is freshly finished with a great display inside this still-working building. Maybe you noticed from the photos that this has been a beautiful day so far.

A doll inside one of the renovated houses at Point Sur Light Station

Next door to the Triplex is the freshly renovated living quarters of the lighthouse keeper and his family. The decor is straight out of the late 1950’s Americana. There was no TV on display as back in the day; there would not have been any signal that would reach out here. There was, however, an old-fashioned cabinet-style record player with a 45rpm record on it: “Four Walls” by Jim Lowe, which was made into a hit that same year by Jim Reeves – Click here to listen to the song.

There is a gift shop up here that is only accessible during these docent-led tours, so be sure to pick something up to commemorate your visit or enjoy a cup of coffee or hot chocolate. They accept credit cards, and this is also where you’ll pay your $12 per person entry fee at the end of the tour.

The view on the walk down from the Point Sur Light Station

Our three-hour tour is over, but we are still accompanied by our docent for the final descent down the 371-foot volcanic rock that holds this 100-year-old relic that’s on the National Register of Historic Places.

A seashell at Garrapata Beach

This seashell is about to return to the ocean. This shell, along with a couple of hundred others collected over the years along the coast are being returned to the sea as we feel they belong there more than in our living room. Part of us feels guilty as to the casual observer; there are two people here at Garrapata Beach throwing stuff wildly into the ocean. We’ve been meaning to do this for some time but have forgotten our bag of shells more times than we care to remember. It’s as though a circle has been closed.

Kelp from just off shore at Garrapata Beach

We walked back to the stairway leading up to a short path and roadside, where we parked the car. We rarely get to visit Garrapata Beach more than once on a trip up and down this part of the coast, and no matter how many times we visit, it’s always with a heavy feeling that we agree that it’s time to leave. We probably wouldn’t have stopped here again had we not remembered back on Christmas day to grab the bag of shells, but having this opportunity is a treasure and marks a perfect ending to another perfect day, which, when we are traveling, is seldom rare.

Sunset at Garrapata Beach

The sun is low in the sky as we bid the Big Sur coast farewell for another bit of time between visits. There are still a thousand things to see and do along this stretch of ocean, and hopefully, the next time we return, it will feel as new and exciting as it has on this adventure.

Moving Leisurely

Somewhere on Highway 1 between Big Sur and Carmel, California

Over the years, Caroline and I have made dozens of journeys up and down the California coast. Along the way, we have tried to stop everywhere we encounter a sight we’d like to remember forever. After so many spots, it starts to feel like we’ve seen it all, and then we pull over and wonder if we’ve ever stopped here before. Ten percent of the 150,000 digital photos we’ve shot since late 1999 are tagged “California,” though I don’t know if I’ve been completely thorough with that process. Maybe in the near future, I’ll be able to run our entire catalog of images through an algorithm that will match my images with other people’s that were better at tagging and we can find out where some of them were exactly taken. I cannot lament being in the moment and ignoring the mile marker or not having a camera with GPS, as romance and happiness in those times take precedence. I guess it’s only when drifting through memories and finding nostalgia that we want more details to enliven our previous experiences, making them more vivid. As we stood on this overlook, we were enchanted by the layers in the rock and the contrasting colors of brown, tan, white, green, and blue. We likely kissed as we are apt to do when recognizing the beauty of a place, and as slow as we were traveling, we still couldn’t afford to just stay here all day watching the crashing surf; it was time to move further south.

The barn at Andrew Molera State Park

Today’s destination is the Andrew Molera State Park. Over in the shadows are a couple of deer; while I got a couple of photos, they were quite unspectacular compared to the fall colors hugging this barn. Just around the corner from the barn was a small creek that required us to take our shoes off and roll up our pants to cross as, in some sections, it was almost knee-high. The trick to crossing the creek is to stay to the right if you are on your way to the beach trail or ride piggyback with a good friend. Caroline had to walk in the cold water because that’s the way it is.

Coastal mountain view from Andrew Molera State Park

Walking to the beach trail we had about a mile walk that offered views that we never tire of.

A spotted towhee bird in the tree at Andrew Molera State Park

A huddling, rather chunky male spotted towhee glanced at us as we walked by but couldn’t be bothered with flying off, not even as I approached to get a closeup of this bird from the sparrow family.

The Coast Live Oak in Andrew Molera State Park

It’s not just ocean vistas and wildlife that gather our attention but the plants, geology, and history, too. The coast live oak is one of the trees found in California’s rolling hills that help define the character of the state along with the coastal cypress and redwoods. If we were wealthy, we’d have a geologist, botanist, historian, biologist, chemist, physicist, and astrophysicist traveling with us.

Looking south on Andrew Molera State Park beach

Out on the beach, there are maybe 4 or 5 other people and three surfers in the water; everyone is on the north end. We head south.

A cairn held high atop a piece of drift wood at Andrew Molera State Park

The wind is to our backs, and the temperature is nice enough that we don’t need sweaters here at the end of December. The cliff on our left would require some serious hard work to make our way up one of the drainages and effectively lock us in between it and the ocean. And yet, there is a cairn here sitting atop a piece of driftwood. As it’s hardly necessary here to show us the direction of the trail, it must have been set up for its more aesthetic qualities. At about this point, we run out of footprints in the sand and realize that we may be the first humans to ever walk this stretch of beach.

Andrew Molera State Park beach looking south

Into the unknown as we walk into an unexplored setting that could be right out of one of the Planet of the Apes sequels. Around any of these rocks at any moment, I half expect Charlton Heston to come into view mounted on his horse sporting the beard he’d worn as Moses in the Ten Commandments. Then, waving his NRA-sanctioned rifle, he has a million apes part the Pacific Ocean, but the president, learning of this treason, threatens to build a wall so illegal immigrants don’t just walk into the U.S. to steal more jobs. In a plot twist, Dick Cheney comes out of retirement to take the helm of SG Enterprises, a division of Haliburton that is making a protein-based food supplement that some say is people. Our bearded hero (updated with a man-bun to make him more appealing to the younger generation) is given superpowers to conquer this evil with an A.I. called the Benevolent Heuristic Machine, or Ben Hur for short, that allows the same machine that fixes global warming to close the gap made in the ocean though this, in turn, pisses off god who was actually behind the parting of the sea but that’s another story to be continued in a sequel.

Caroline Wise in the cave she originally came from

This is Caroline Wise, about to explore a rebirthing experience.

Looking north at Andrew Molera State Park

At the end of the trail near the mini-cave, we look back to the north for our walk into the wind and the trail that will return us to our car. The sky should be the giveaway that this was a beautiful day.

Looking south on Highway 1 on the way through Big Sur

This looks familiar, as though I’ve taken this photo before, but was it as sunny, was the ocean as blue? Was it morning or late afternoon? Someday, I might go through the nearly 20,000 photos I’ve taken of California and see which sights I’ve shot on more than one occasion, or maybe I’ll just keep returning so I can take the same old photo all over again. Before snapping this pic, we had made a pit stop at another favorite haunt, the Big Sur Bakery & Restaurant. Somehow I missed the opportunity to grab a selfie of Caroline and me enjoying yet another coffee sitting outside and in front of the bakery. We shared an amazing ginger scone that was the best scone ever (at least as far as scones go during 2017). While at the bakery I took some time to do some writing so not everything would be lost to forgotten memories as our vacation comes to a finish in a few days.

Looking north on Highway 1 on the way through Big Sur

This image I’m certain I’ve shot before just as 29 million others have who stop to photograph the famous bridges found along Highway 1. I’m pretty sure that I’ve never taken a picture before with the ocean this exact hue of turquoise, though, so there’s that.

Lucia, California

This cabin is on the grounds of Lucia Lodge and is our last stop on our southerly journey down Highway 1 today. The road continues for another 10 miles to Gorda but is closed after that while road repairs are completed on a severely damaged stretch of this iconic highway. We stopped at the Lucia gift shop as Caroline was hunting for some eucalyptus soap that she’d bought here on a previous trip sadly, they no longer carried it. On the way back up north, we stopped at the Nepenthe gift shop, but they, too, were out of it, though one of the salespeople told us to try the Fernwood General Store, and sure enough, they had plenty of it. The soap brand is Big Sur Country Soap, and the scents we stocked up on are as follows: Eucalyptus (x3), Lavender, Eucalyptus Lime, Cedar Lemon, and Patchouli because we are hippies at heart.

Highway 1 travelling north from Lucia to Big Sur

You don’t need spectacular cliffs, iconic bridges, tremendous vistas, sunsets, or the parade of Teslas (wow, there were a lot of Teslas on this road today!) to find beauty around every corner. This is just one of many average bends in the road where gorgeousness leaps out of the landscape and clobbers your senses with awe.

Sunset over the Pacific Ocean as seen from Highway 1 near Big Sur, California

And then, just like that, the sun says adios way too early on a winter day, and you are left to drive back to your ocean-front motel in the dark. On a scale of 1 to 10 regarding perfection found on this particular day, you can guess this was probably an 11.

Christmas Day

Dawn over Monterey Bay in Pacific Grove, California

Drats, we stayed at a place without a chimney, so Santa couldn’t deliver the goods; probably a good thing because just as I don’t need any new synth modules, Caroline has enough yarn. What we can never have enough of are beautiful sunrises and great breakfasts. Lucky us, the Old Monterey Cafe was open for breakfast today, only not at 6:45 as the busser told us the day before, more like 8:00. So we took a walk across the street to a bagel shop for a cup of coffee as we were willing to wait.

Point Lobos State Natural Reserve in Carmel, California

We’ve been up here on the central coast countless times, but we’ve never stopped at Point Lobos State Natural Reserve due to a gazillion cars parked roadside, as the parking lot is always full. At 9:00 on Christmas Day, it turns out that we are some of the first people in the reserve. This was the first view that opened up on the trail.

Surf spilling into a shallow basin in Point Lobos State Natural Reserve

Not but a few more steps up the trail, and the power of the ocean is on display a few hundred feet below us. While the ocean was calm when we arrived a couple of days before, it’s churning today. Today is also the beginning of my sense of vertigo kicking in as we encounter more than our fair share of precipitous drops and sheer cliffs that rouse the electrifying sense of deleterious swirling going on in my derriere; well that’s just where it happens!

View while at Point Lobos State Natural Reserve

The plan is to have no real plan; as we were driving down Highway 1 with the idea we’d go south, that was about as far as we’d gotten with having a plan. When Caroline saw the sign for Point Lobos, she suggested that maybe today was a good day to visit, turns out she was right. Now that we’re here, we’ll see where the trail takes us.

Lichen on a tree at Point Lobos State Natural Reserve

So a plan has developed, and it dictates we go slow, real slow. Our inspiration comes from this algae (Trentepohlia) that grows slowly and does not sway in the wind, migrate, or retreat in the rain. They just hang on to the surface they are attached to and imperceptibly spread out and thicken. While I could easily look it up while I’m here writing this, I’m leaving a note to my future self reminding me that I didn’t search for an answer and that I may still want to know what purpose these algae and the lichen they often live with symbiotically serve?

Sedimentary rocks layers reminiscent of similar formations in Grand Canyon National Park

Dear Geologists, when might this rock have been uplifted? Its creases are perpendicular to the rock itself instead of the ocean, and if I’m not mistaken, aren’t those creases caused by water running over the rock surface?

Breaking wave at Point Lobos State Natural Reserve

The waves roll in with a swell that, in some respects, appears relatively slow until it is compressed into something unmovable, and then its true force becomes apparent. As the water reacts to not having enough space within the volume it occupies, it moves in an unobstructed direction, and in this case, that means going straight up. Air is simultaneously displaced, often with a whoosh, and water escapes as mist and spray in whichever direction the physics of the environment and moment allows. We are left with a beautiful explosion and thunderous clap of water; the rocks are left with just a little less material as erosion acts on them to rearrange their structure into something different, and memories are built and changed with nature’s infinite unfolding.

Caroline Wise and John Wise at Point Lobos State Natural Reserve

Occasionally, we, too, are part of the landscape.

Cormorants at Point Lobos State Natural Reserve

We’ve reached Bird Island near the end of the trail here at Point Lobos State Natural Reserve. The birds we are looking at are cormorants, except for those three seagulls having identity issues. For a moment, I think about their freedom, certain they don’t have opposable thumbs and that their food is always cold, but they get to warm up on an island not fit for humans without deploying a serious amount of dynamite. Their home is found wherever they happen to land. Their buffet is bountiful and free, only requiring them to spot it and then fall out of the sky into the water to retrieve it. So as long as they avoid the hawk, eagle, and us humans, they are free to fly, walk, swim, and eat without systems where the exchange of time, taxes, and mental turmoil impinge on the freedom of us humans without the means to afford some of the freedoms the more fortunate can play with.

Caroline Wise at the southern end of Point Lobos State Natural Reserve

Caroline is pointing to the place where our trail will take a final turn inland and back to our car. It’s been a great walkout here as we stroll along the ocean, lost in the beauty of it all and entertained by our thoughts or lack thereof.

Garrapata Beach near Big Sur, California

Too late to return north as we’d figured we would likely be somewhere on the road stuck in traffic in Carmel instead of enjoying the sunset, so we went further south to Garrapata Beach. This is our favorite beach if one could have a favorite beach as it seems that all beaches to some degree are our favorite. What makes this one unique is the quick break of the waves close to shore after welling up to heights that are taller than we are and then some tall cliffs behind us that must capture the sound of the crashing waves because it sounds like a freight train rumbling through here. In our travels from the coast of Alaska and Hawaii, the North Sea to the Atlantic, and the Gulf of Mexico to the Pacific, this beach has stood up as having the loudest, most thunderous waves, and for that reason, it is exhilarating. For size, volume, and speed the North Shore of Oahu wins that contest.

Garrapata Beach north of Big Sur, California

So this was our Christmas day: a slow walk in the universe of infinite coastal beauty without the emotional and consumer drama that seems to bog people down in obligations instead of true celebration.

Coastal Dreams

Three seals and a seagull in Monterey Bay, California

Yesterday’s 12-hour drive from Phoenix, Arizona, to Monterey Bay, California, was meant to bring us to this: the ocean. Before we stepped out for a long walk along the shore, we’d stopped at our favorite cafe in these parts, known as Old Monterey Cafe. We’ll likely eat breakfast there every day we’re here. Once back near the Lovers Point Inn, where we’re staying in Pacific Grove, it was time to take off for a leisurely four-hour, four-mile walk along the ocean.

Some coastal winter color in the form of Torch Aloe

We have no set schedule, nor are we moving our lodging. This is uncommon for us and may just be a sign of getting older; that, or it’s a testament to how much we love this part of the California coast. Our love of the coast starts in San Luis Obispo and stretches to Pt. Reyes and Mendocino before we pick up again near the Redwoods before hitting Oregon. Today, though, we’ll stay within a few miles of just where we are now; there was enough driving yesterday, so I’d like a break and have a slow day.

Coastal rocks in Pacific Grove, California

I cannot recall how many times we may have walked past this exact spot. Was it stormy or calm on previous visits? Overcast or sunny? High or low tide? It doesn’t matter because, in some respects, it’s the first time we’ve ever walked past this, as it is as beautiful a detail as one has ever seen and adds to the overall experience that brings delight to our coastal sojourn.

Ice plant in Pacific Grove, California

Winter on the California coast might be more akin to the same season down in Florida, but the spectacle of the rocky coast, whales, and pelicans are unique to this side of the country. While others may revel in the snow of a white Christmas, we’ll take sun and ocean any day; see our Christmas trip to Hawaii for confirmation of this claim.

The seagull

This fine specimen of seagull is the most ubiquitous of wildlife one will see here on the coast; the most endearing trait of these feathered friends is their raucous squawk that lets you know that you are near the sea. While some think of them as flying rats, they hold a special place in Caroline’s and my heart for their enthusiastic and flamboyant lifestyles.

Fluke of a humpback whale in Monterey Bay, California

More mysterious and typically unseen is the whale. We’d traveled to the Pacific Ocean dozens of times before we ever saw a hint of whale, and now it seems like we spot a few on every trip. Once you first see a spout, you are forever familiar with and know what to look for, and that’s how we eyed today’s pod. This fluke belongs to the humpback variety. Our day was made upon seeing this sight.

Mission San Carlos Borroméo del río Carmelo also known as Carmel Mission

This is the basilica of the Carmel Mission and the resting place of Saint Junipero Serra. It’s the second time we’ve had the opportunity to visit, and the first time over Christmas. If it weren’t for the large crowds expected for Mass and our exceptionally tired feet, we may have returned, but that will have to be left for a subsequent visit. From here, we required a coffee followed by some dinner that turned out a little harder to obtain, seeing most places were booked solid due to it being Christmas Eve. The evening ended with yet another walk before we passed out by an early-for-us 9:30.

Difficulty and Ego

Calibrating the Ornament & Crime Eurorack Module

The pain of learning something complex is exacerbated by the risk of exposing oneself to the perceived notion that ridicule could be an outcome of accomplishing anything less than perfection. This dilemma and fear of allowing others to see your incompetence as you struggle forward are real and unfortunate.

I have endeavored for more than a year to learn about making electronic music on an incredibly deep and complex machine where I’m confronted with difficulty every time I turn it on. For example, just last night, I spent a couple of hours trying to calibrate my Ornament & Crime modules. While I’ve had these for quite some time, it has not been necessary prior to now to have them properly calibrated.

As a matter of fact, it was not my intention to even start that process last night; I was simply looking for the instructions on how to change the time until the screensaver kicked in because one of the units was set to 15 seconds, and the other 25 seconds(?). So I set them both to 30 seconds, but while I was on the instruction page, I saw the information regarding calibration. I didn’t build these modules (they are DIY units), so I figured the two guys who built them surely calibrated them before they shipped them to me. They may have, but as I would come to learn, other factors can interfere with how accurately they are calibrated.

On my first pass, I had to contend with the fact that my Mordax Data Oscilloscope only reads out two decimals of accuracy, and the instructions were telling me to take it to four decimals. I started the process and decided to get as close as possible. After finishing the second unit, I glanced over the instructions again, but this time, I saw that it clearly says that as you go from, say, 3.99 to 4.00 volts, there could be a flicker of the numbers; rotate the dial just until the flicker stops, and you’ll probably be extremely close to 4.0000V, and so I started over and readjusted my calibration. For the calibration point around 0.0000V, as soon as I got to -0.00, I adjusted the encoder until I had a solid -0.00V without flicker.

Mostly done with the second unit and my eyes straining in the poor light, I turned on two LED USB lamps that are mounted directly in my Eurorack case. They each have 10 LEDs, so I get some great bright light on my instrument. There’s a problem, though: as I turned on the lights, the calibrated voltage shifted. I turned off the lights, and the voltage returned to near-perfect calibration. Turned them back on, and sure enough, I was seeing a shift in voltage that would have a small, maybe imperceptible impact on the notes being sent out of this module.

Lucky me, I was also starting to think about that -0.00V reading and got to wondering if there wasn’t a point between the negative zero and positive zero. Seeing I was going to start over again anyway, I sent directly to the zero reading, and sure enough, there were quite a few turns of the encoder before I got to the point where the readout was flickering between -0.00V and 0.00V. Once the minus sign stopped flickering on and off, I figured that I had a near-perfect zero voltage point. With that, I had to calibrate these units one more time.

This issue arose because I finally took time to look for something in the manual, and upon finding one thing, I casually and not very accurately read another and because I didn’t even try to be meticulous in the slightest, I moved forward without enough information to do things right the first or second time.

Now, finally, we get to the gist of why I started this blog entry. Eurorack synths, foreign languages, electrical engineering, coding for things like deep learning and complex network systems, and a host of other non-intuitive endeavors/hobbies can tax our faculties and make us scratch our heads about why we sought out something that at times feels impossible to excel at.

Our egos at these weak points ravage us with uncertainty and can make us not only angry with ourselves, but with others around us. Case in point: forums!

How many of us want to be mad at a thing and its creator because the version we bought is obviously broken? Most often, it is not broken; on the contrary, it is us that is broken. We have been set up by a system that doesn’t have much room for mistakes and failure. You have one chance to win, one chance to get good grades, one chance to get things right, or risk getting fired from your job.

We then apply this to the things that should bring us a sense of personal accomplishment, but our conditioning from a relentless march into incremental, often meaningless rewards is then applied to our passions. From the inability to master difficult situations and complex learning scenarios, we don’t want to risk our egos and allow shame to hammer away at us, so we lash out and blame something or someone else. We are not adulting when this happens. Instead, we go to a forum and rant as a poor exercise in a catharsis that only works to alienate the hostile blowhard who is likely feeding the anxiety of those who would like to help but are put off by the toxic volatility of the poster.

This then begs the question, “So what do we do as a society to correct this broken process?” The answer is too complex and would require another few thousand words to start to offer my thoughts on some of the structural and cultural issues that could be part of our dialog, but this blog entry is already too nerdy and long, so maybe that’s a topic for another day. It’s kind of like starting the calibration process only to recognize there’s more to know, and you’ll just have to do it again and again anyway, so persistence, at least, should be a large part of the key.