Polarization

Shadows in the Coffee Shop

Polarization, using categorization that amounts to name-calling or as a bludgeoning affront to someone’s intelligence, has become our preferred and maybe most sophisticated current means of engaging in a dialectic.

Just that one sentence is longer than your average tweet and exceeds 85% of the U.S. population’s ability to decipher it.

From our political leadership to many in the popular media, we are pandering to our worst tendencies and apparently have given up on trying to elevate our society. While we ask for increased skills, we are failing to nurture a dialog beyond the utterly inane.

Take this old tweet from our president: “Terrible! Just found out that Obama had my “wires tapped” in Trump Tower just before the victory. Nothing found. This is McCarthyism!”

This missive can be understood by the majority of those considered functionally illiterate as their reading comprehension level is that of a 4th grader, while my first sentence required 19 years of education (according to various readability tests). This is not an exercise in writing obtusely for the sake of lording my version of complexity over anyone. The larger point is that if you are over 30 years old and are relating to the words of 10-year-olds and cannot comprehend the words of a 55-year-old high school dropout, then maybe the problem is not your perception of me being obtuse or arrogant but that you have neglected the responsibility to yourself.

Bikinis and Bibles

Bikini Beans Coffee Stand in Phoenix, Arizona

After dropping Caroline off at her Sunday meeting on the corner of Camelback and Central I walked three miles to a coffee shop on 7th Street, south of Thomas Avenue, called Bikini Beans. Along the way, I passed a tavern that was packed before lunch (there was no hint of brunch specials, just booze). I passed a church and a strip club and Cruisin’ 7th, claiming to have “The Best Drag Show In Town.” Of course, I came across a number of other coffee shops but I was heading to the place featuring bikinis.

So was it worth the extra miles? Well if it’s a cold day you won’t be seeing much in the way of a bikini, though I was assured they were on and it was even proven. Sadly, there is no indoor service but they do have wifi and four small tables outside so I had a spot to jot down this brief blog entry.

There are a lot of people looking to catch a glance of a bikini-clad young woman on a Sunday morning because their drive-thru stays busy. Next door is the Bible Baptist Church promising bible studies which make for the perfect contrast of Bikinis and Bibles. Across the street, the Urbancookies Bakeshop beckons, but I have an ounce of willpower left.

I wasn’t going to be here very long as I have three miles to walk back and in any case, there’s no gawking without being a creeper. This though raises the question of my dilemma by straddling a generation that was raised on titillation and having become a person who would like to be beyond the juvenile antics of copping a glance. Then again would anyone judge me for ogling some drag queens up the street or praying fervently in front of Jesus nailed to a cross?

My walk back will take me through some residential streets in order to avoid some of the homeless people I passed on the way here and to keep me a distance from the heavy traffic on the main thoroughfare. Being outside on this pleasant day while news reports talk of heavy snows in the Pacific Northwest and sporadic snow in the Northeast reminds me of how lucky we are to live in Phoenix, Arizona, where I can enjoy an iced coffee while wearing shorts and having my sleeves rolled up.

Hoop Dance at the Heard Museum in Phoenix, Arizona

Walking through the side streets I heard drums in the distance and those could only mean one thing: the annual Heard Museum World Championship Hoop Dance Contest. I stopped in for a short while to reminisce about a previous visit and realized that Caroline and I should have made time yesterday to sit in on the competition. I couldn’t stay long as Caroline would be done with her meeting around 3:00 pm and I still had a couple of miles to walk back to our car.

We learned about No Festival Required from Lisa Takata, a local group dedicated to bringing interesting films to the Valley. Today they were showing the documentary Keep Talking about saving the Kodiak Alutiiq language spoken on a tiny island where only 40 people can still speak in their native tongue. Sadly we weren’t able to attend but hopefully, the organizers will have some other inspired titles coming up. And that’s how we spent a good portion of our Sunday.

Alone in my Knowledge

Shadows in the Coffee Shop

Why should I feel so alone in my knowledge? Is it a fringe belief system that hinges on delusions and conspiracy theories? No, while I find some of those entertaining, they are mere fodder for distraction that needs to remain where they emerged from: on the fringe.

On the contrary, I’m in love with history, philosophy, and sociology, the glue of culture. From out of the sciences we learn of the building blocks of the very nature of the universe to the emergent organic beings we are.

Meshed together, we form a society that is disparate and grossly unequal. Our shared existence is fracturing as we seem intent on stratifying those who might vaguely understand things from those who are oblivious though self-righteousness while they falsely believe they are the true holders of knowledge.

Those who claim the power of knowledge but are relying on politics to sway a corruptible underclass into becoming their mob are betraying the very values that are supposed to be indicative of their intellect: professional education and proclaimed religious affiliation.

We are not lifting up the masses; we are merely making their poverty comfortable. Poverty is not only about the goods or capital one possesses or fails to attain, but it is also about the intellectual tools that help form decision-making rigor, which leads to better life choices.

I cannot claim to have a professional university education; I dropped out of high school. I cannot be certain that drug use hasn’t fogged my perception. So, what knowledge I might have can easily be dismissed as a perfunctory superficial education that was acquired willy-nilly. All the same, I have to scratch my head in disbelief at what we, as a citizenry allow to pass as being credible from our leadership and even from one another.

Basic logic is lost in hyperbole and an attention span dictated by threes. Some thirty years ago, my idea was as follows: large issues could remain in the public’s mind for upwards of three months, such as political issues, serial killers, and freedom movements such as apartheid. The next block was three-day attention, and it pertained to movies, sports, and larger local issues. Finally, there was the three-hour attention that might see people talking about a TV show, a celebrity drama, or a local sporting event at the high school.

Today, I have to revise this to three hours, three minutes, and three seconds. While it could be argued that a relatively recent event, such as the Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, spent more than three hours in the news cycle, I’m suggesting that the majority of people didn’t spend even three hours in consideration of or contemplating the impact of the process that was unfolding. On the contrary, I’d suggest that the average person only needed three seconds to make up their mind. There doesn’t seem to be much of anything that can raise the ire of a person enough to get them engaged for more than about a few minutes.

There’s an inherent problem here in that none of us will ever know anything of any value if we can only ever afford three seconds of decision-making after three minutes of information gathering. We cannot learn languages in three minutes, three hours, three days, or even three weeks. To that end, we are collectively being manipulated by broadcast and social media-driven political establishments that are able to distract the uneducated with a superfluous dusting of titillating fragments that delude their adherents into believing they are well-informed.

Aldous Huxley in Brave New World, Marshall McLuhan in The Medium is the Message, and Neil Postman in Amusing Ourselves to Death all foresaw the dangers of our passivity but were powerless to curb a population bent on self-destruction and having already turned away from the written word. Now, amplify their prognostications by taking the internet and reducing the dialog to six-second videos found in what became known as vines and speech that is reduced to a tweet, and the recipe for stupefaction is well in place.

Let’s return to my opening statement: why do I feel so alone in my knowledge? At any given moment in my day, I cannot be surrounded by people who care or are able to consider ideas that their intransigence isn’t able to engage. Their memes, which have become their mentors, fit nicely for a minute or two and only work to reinforce their sense of certainty that plays to their continued ignorance, masquerading as a kind of knowledge but one without depth.

I don’t necessarily see a refuge where I can turn to be in a community that cherishes or at least respects the age of knowledge that is quickly fading if it’s not already dead. Populism easily escalates into nationalism, and this is especially so when able to lob these idiocies on a disenfranchised, poorly educated populace, which is exactly what we’ve cultivated for the past 40 years.

Maybe the better question for myself should be, why have I been cursed with this sense of awareness that impinges on my well-being?

Walking

Fitbit counting my steps on a winter day

Eating a healthy, diabetic-friendly diet is not enough. I have to walk. There is a direct correlation between my blood glucose level and the amount of physical activity I get. I don’t need to run or do Zumba. I’m not sure yoga would offer any benefit, but I know that walking lowers my levels every time I make a serious effort to get out.

Walking, though, sometimes feels like a full-time job, as it takes me roughly two hours to get my six miles in. Luckily, this situation with my elevated readings occurred in the Arizona winter when the mornings are still quite cool and the days are not much warmer than about 70. In the summer, the need to walk in a depressing mall is disheartening. The idea of walking a couple of miles under the 110-degree sun is a non-starter.

It was 34 degrees this morning when I first stepped outside, two hours later and I needed somewhere else to get another mile in. I could choose a trail, but even after things had warmed to 39 degrees, the shadows were still a bit icy. So I drove over to Costco (which was still closed), and after my walk, I sat down at a coffee shop in the same plaza to start this blog entry while having an iced drink. The problem with walking around the vast Costco parking lot is that the morning crew is in there making cinnamon rolls before the doors open to the public, and in a large part of the lot, I’m being seduced by the wafting smell.

After coffee, with Costco now open, I walk over for some shopping with the aim of gathering another 1,000 steps before dropping the groceries at home and going out for another couple thousand. At that point, I should have a solid three miles on my Fitbit, and I can start tending to lunch.

Fitbit counting my steps on a winter day

In this race to correct my sugar imbalance, I have to be rigorous in my effort, and lunch, in particular, is a struggle. All restaurants with a drive-thru are automatically disqualified as carbs are the primary and often only option on the menu. Mexican food, which is abundant here in the Southwest, is off the list as I have zero discipline to stay away from the tortilla chips. I could go out for a salad, but either I’ll be forced into something like an iceberg dinner salad that will leave me hungry in one hour, or I’ll be sitting in front of a 1,000-calorie monster.

An hour after eating whatever protein-heavy lunch I cook up, I have to force myself to break the lethargy and go out for at least another 2,000 steps.

Before dinner, I aim for another couple of miles, so I finally reach my 6 miles/ 12,000 step goal. Anything over that, and I’m thrilled and hopefully working towards weight loss.

Fitbit counting my steps on a winter day

Initially following this routine, I start shedding weight quickly, but just as quickly, it plateaus, sapping a bit of my enthusiasm. This time around, though, I’m jotting down these notes to myself in order to remind me of my recognition of this imperative. Getting complacent in the past did not serve me well, and this time around, I have to force myself to get my weight down to a more reasonable 200 pounds. I’m weighing in at 241, which is 5 pounds heavier than I was about a year ago. I hate publishing this here, as it makes it more real than the self-delusional fantasy I like to entertain.

Cultivate Your Potential

Shadows in the Coffee Shop

What are you doing to cultivate your potential? How often do you practice literacy? When was the last time you tried something that wasn’t necessarily physically demanding but had you questioning if your mind was up to the task?

Every day, I ask myself why it appears that so many are comfortable in lazy banalities. What’s wrong with digging into our minds whose currency and lifeblood are words? Our imaginations have become muscles atrophied through the neglect brought by existential angst. Don’t worry about those things outside yourself; dig into the things within that are vast landscapes awaiting your exploration.

Where do you begin such an enormous task? Maybe right there on your smartphone. Go ahead and ask it to tell you about the Frankfurt School of Critical Theory or lookup Burmese Laphet Salad. Stop listening to your favorite songs and tune in to some music you think you hate. Don’t make it easy. Go way out of your comfort zone and try some Merzbow. You could make a commitment to watch an entire Bollywood film that would certainly feature at least half a dozen hit songs, which would give you some idea of the music nearly 2 billion people on earth enjoy.

Other avenues await you, such as recording some video on that phone, installing Adobe’s Creative Cloud of applications on a computer, and learning video editing and storytelling. Or open up Photoshop to learn that tool. Indesign is another one of Adobe’s tools, and with it, you can collect your thoughts and photos and publish your own book.

Video, photography, and writing are not your cup of tea. Grab a DAW (Digital Audio Workstation) and start watching tutorials on how to make music. Download some free VSTs (instruments and effects) and just playmaking sounds until you develop some skills.

Like drawing or sculpting as a kid? Krita for drawing is free, and Blender offers sculpting as part of their suite of 3D tools and it too is free.

Feel like you already have too much screen time with your connected devices? Turn off the TV and reclaim that time so you can set your attention to productivity tools that actually reflect who you are instead of passively continuing the diet of useless nonsense. Pick up a bunch of knitting needles and make a pair of socks, or buy some clay and sculpt a blob of nothing in particular.

Still not ready for challenging your brain with learning stuff you “think” is too hard? Go to a museum, a concert of music you typically don’t listen to, a play, the opera, or go volunteer at a hospice, halfway house, or other services that help your community.

The thing is that you have to break out of your routine because your routine is potential already realized. You own the repetition of fully knowing how you do the same thing day in and day out; there is no surprise or growth with standing in place. To get somewhere, you must take a step forward. Do not take steps backward or trace the ones you’ve already walked in; where do you think they’ll get you?

In effect, you must walk on the hot coals of discomfort and over the edge of certainty. Only through the continued effort of exploring where you might fail to enjoy the chore or fail to master something will you achieve the skills you need to wear down the calluses of your own stubbornness against change.

Fuck You, Diabetes!

My Blood Glucose Level This Morning

Fighting diabetes is a serious struggle that requires vigilance that feels like an elusive moving target. Three years ago, when I was diagnosed, I was adamant that I would never go on insulin. The problem was that this was exactly what my doctor wanted me to do. On the exact day I was given the diagnosis, I did a hundred-and-eighty-degree turn and changed my behaviors.

Lucky me, I wasn’t supposed to start using those needles to inject myself until after I saw a dietitian who would discuss diet and the process of self-injection. My appointment wasn’t for two weeks, so I had time to attack the invader who was taking advantage of my genetic predisposition for this ugly disease. I fully understood that I’d brought this on myself with my overeating and obesity, but still, I had wished that before it ever happened to me, the healthcare industry would have invented the magic bullet that would save me the hassle.

When my date with the dietitian finally arrived, I’d reduced my fasting blood glucose from around 320 mg/dL to about 160 mg/dL. I was confident that I was moving in the right direction and that with just two more weeks, I could get this under control; I was right. In those early days and the ensuing ones, I changed my diet by eliminating any sugar, potatoes, pasta, and rice. I started looking at carbs and portion sizes. I bought a Fitbit for me and one for Caroline, which turned out great as we became competitive about step count.

The day after my appointment with the dietitian, we traveled to North Carolina for about a week, and while we were there, we took every opportunity to eat BBQ and walk. Proteins and green veggies were my new favorites. One month after my lifestyle changes, I had a follow-up appointment, and by then, my blood glucose tests were consistently within normal ranges

Four months after my original diagnosis, I had another appointment that again tested my A1C; this time, instead of the 11.2% I had back in April, I was at a healthy 6.2%. For all intents and purposes, I did not have diabetes. Of course, I was now taking the drug Metformin, but at least I wasn’t on insulin. Armed with my “clear” bill of health, I took it as a license to occasionally cheat on my diet. For the next two years, even though I had some serious fear that I’d pushed things too far, my A1C reading continued to come back in the range that gave me nothing to worry about.

Initially, I was extremely vigilant in testing my blood glucose, maybe to a fault, but I didn’t want to let this get away from me.

Now, here it is nearly three years later, and over the last six months, I grew lazy with testing; the matter of fact was that I simply stopped. I thought my diet was “mostly” under control, though I was aware that my portions had grown. There were no diabetes symptoms, so I grew arrogant.

Then, last night at 2:30 in the morning, I woke up needing to pee. Damn it. Two hours after breakfast this morning, I checked my blood glucose, and I was in the mid-200s; fuck you, diabetes. I felt panicky and a bit of despair as I had no idea how long I’d been out of control again. I’m trying to tell myself this is only temporary because I ate pineapple and raspberries last night, but I think that might be delusional.

I’m in a constant battle with my metabolism, genetics, and the convenience of eating out in a restaurant culture that rewards you with large portions.

Maybe this will prove to be a good thing because I’m seriously pissed off right now and feel like I need to be done with this. I lost nearly 40 pounds after learning I had this ailment; my hope is that if I can shed another 50 pounds, I could be done with it for good.

Until my numbers come down, I’ll have to deal with some anxiety, and I have to return to hyper-awareness of how insidious this monster known as diabetes is. Wishful thinking is not my best friend in keeping this life-destroying shit at bay. There are about 100 million of us with diabetes here in the United States, which is almost one-third of all Americans, and still, it is not a national discussion. The restaurants, grocery stores, and convenience foods cater to self-indulgence and are making a serious contribution to America’s ill-health.

It’s estimated that about 3 million people in the U.S. have a sensitivity to gluten, and everywhere we look, they are being catered to. Many people who likely do not have any sensitivity at all to wheat products imagine they have problems and have joined the bandwagon of self-diagnosed hypochondriacs who insist on a gluten-free meal. If you have diabetes and try to find carb-free meals, you are going to have to look far and wide and still come up empty-handed. So the “easy” fix is that those with diabetes should turn to cooking for themselves, but convenience is not part of that program, and as everyone knows, cooking for healthy eating is a seriously time-consuming job.

It was the threat of taking insulin that made me change my routine and try to take this disease seriously. I don’t want this to be a dilemma of choosing between an easy way and a longer life. Too many people don’t want to change their relationship to convenience and so will continue eating what they want while regulating their blood glucose with a jab in the stomach. The problem with this type of treatment is that I’ve seen too many others go through the ugliest of complications that are a part of diabetes. So in my frustration, I am left with the hope I can muster the fortitude to fight for my life and find a tiny amount of solace in screaming, “Fuck you, diabetes!” for making food so difficult to enjoy.