Visiting My Father

John Michael Wise Sr about 1996 in Ontario, California

Starting in 1995, after we moved to the States, we were making multiple trips a year out to Ontario, California, in the Los Angeles area to visit my father, John M. Wise Sr. My father opted for a pained life and absolute denial that saw him commit a slow suicide, which took him from his first heart attack in 1986 until his death on February 1, 2003. Over that time, he would have at least one more heart attack and develop diabetes, which led to multiple amputations that would leave him with crippling phantom pain until the day he died. Seen here, my father was 52 years old.

Caroline Wise, John Wise Sr., and John Wise in Ontario, California

My father was a bitter and difficult man harboring so much anger that violence was often his means of expressing himself. As he grew older, he became mentally frail and forgetful. His belligerence kept him smoking for another decade after the first heart attack. His diet never changed as he seemed to challenge the universe to strike him down as he downed a plate of pancakes laden with syrup or popped Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups as if they lowered his blood glucose. The first time we visited him in 1995, my trauma with him nearly had me turning away from the exit we needed to use if we were going to his home. Caroline encouraged me to do it as she’d seen in our previous encounter back in 1994 when we were in Los Angeles on our way to Vegas to get married, that my father seriously enjoyed seeing me. So we went. Reluctantly, for the next nearly eight years, we made frequent visits. My father is 53 years old in this photo.

Caroline Wise in Long Beach, California

The saving grace of those 350-mile drives west was that Caroline could read to me across the long haul, and we were always able to get out into Los Angeles at some point to find time for ourselves. Sometimes, we’d just take a photo or make note of a place, such as here at the Queen Mary, that was supposed to remind us to come back for a proper visit. Sometimes, we’d stop in Disneyland for 6 or 7 hours, eat at various places that had foods we couldn’t have in Phoenix, or drive to 3rd Street Promenade in Santa Monica to visit a great book store or walk along the ocean. So it wasn’t all bad, but it also wasn’t all great.

Jutta’s First Time Visiting America

Jutta Engelhardt and Caroline Wise in Santa Barbara, California

This is another one of those two decades after the fact I’m trying to post whatever bit of information I have about a trip where we have very little to go on. The itinerary is long gone; there are no emails from 1996 still existing that I might have been able to refer to, just our memories. What we do know is that we started in Santa Barbara, California, and have this giant 120-year-old fig tree with Caroline and Jutta to prove it. This was my mother-in-law’s first-ever visit to America, just as she was transitioning into retirement back in Frankfurt, Germany. We never heard the rest of this “mistake” from our great aunt and uncle Ann and Woody Burns as they felt slighted that we were so close but didn’t stop in to visit them. Well, not that this is a good excuse, but I do remember how awkward Caroline felt on her first visit, and I tried considering how difficult this entire trip might have been for Jutta. Thrusting her into social situations with others could have proven uncomfortable for her, so I opted to forego introducing her to family.

Jutta Engelhardt and Caroline Wise in Solvang, California

From Santa Barbara, we headed north for a quick stop in Solvang as though some fakey “old-world” part of Europe that got dropped into California might have the same impact it had on me when I was six years old. Regarding the previous comment about socializing, you might need to understand that my mother-in-law and I, at this point, had a tenuous relationship due to my bringing her daughter to America. I don’t believe she ever liked me while in Germany as she saw me as some hamburger-eating cowboy who played with computers, and how could that in any way be a serious enough man for her wonderful youngest child?

Jutta Engelhardt at Pismo Beach, California

Continuing our trek north, we stopped at Pismo Beach so she could dip her toes into the Pacific Ocean with Caroline for the first time in her life. Seeing I could drive our rental car onto the beach, that’s just what I did. What’s that lady yelling at us who’s driven up next to us? Can you make it out? As we stopped, we realized she was yelling, “Don’t stop!” We were stuck in the sand. Good thing this ranger was right here to help get us out and back on our way. Great start to the adventure aspect of this epic journey.

A bit further up the road, we pulled into Morro Bay for an overnight stay. I have to admit to no small amount of travel naivety as this was Caroline’s and my first major road trip, and we were certainly greenhorns.

Jutta Engelhardt and Caroline Wise in San Simeon, California

Up Highway 1 we drove until we took a break at a small cafe and motel on the oceanside of the road. This place was at 16420 Pacific Coast Highway which would see us stop at many a time over the years. While at the gift shop, a person at the counter asked if we’d seen the elephant seals back down the road; we had not. We turned around and found the non-descript edge of the road where we could park (illegally) and head over to the beach to get up close and personal with the sunbathing pinnipeds. Our first few visits here were prior to the time when a parking lot and boardwalk that did not allow tourists to disturb these hulking giants was built.

Jutta Engelhardt and Caroline Wise in Monterey, California

Monterey Bay, California. Caroline and I needed this trip to return us to the place where, back in 1991, my girlfriend (at the time) and I visited Monterey after landing in San Francisco on her first visit to the United States. That girlfriend was obviously Caroline.

Jutta Engelhardt and Caroline Wise in Monterey, California

While it’s obvious we took a cruise around the bay, it’s difficult to recollect if we ventured into the aquarium but as Caroline points out, “How could we go to Monterey and NOT go to the aquarium?”

Jutta Engelhardt and Caroline Wise in Yosemite National Park, California

After a brief visit the next day to the San Juan Bautista Mission we continued east across California over for our first visit to Yosemite. The cabin we rented just south of the park had this “Bear Food Crockpot” that was busy boiling these softshell bear treats, or so we worried at the time. Our first impression of Yosemite National Park was not a good one as the place was overcrowded, and coming into such mayhem was a bit unnerving. It took years before Caroline and I would return.

Caroline Wise, Jutta Engelhardt, and John Wise at the Grand Canyon National Park, Arizona

Jutta’s first trip to America was a brief one at two weeks as no one had any idea about how we’d tolerate each other. Even though we’d been out on the road for 4 or 5 days after a few days of letting the jet lag settle after she landed, we still had to carve time out to bring her up to the Grand Canyon National Park. Who knew if she’d ever come back to the States? You can’t go to Arizona and not visit the Grand Canyon. Well, this turned out to be the biggest surprise and delight for my mother-in-law as she never dreamed that she’d see this with her own eyes. Because of that enthusiasm, we’d bring her back again and again until we now believe she’s been to the canyon at least a dozen times, and with each visit, she still swoons in the face of such grandeur.

Visitors from Germany – Ruby & Axel

Axel Rieke and Ruby Alvarez at Wupatki National Monument in Arizona

After Caroline and I had been living in America for a little more than a year, we had visitors from Germany come in for a few days. Thank you, Ruby and Axel, for honoring our friendship by absorbing the cost of stopping in Arizona while you are out traveling on vacation. It was a short trip but a great one; our first stop on a road trip north was at Wupatki National Monument.

Axel Rieke, Ruby Alvarez, Caroline Wise and John Wise at the Grand Canyon National Park in Arizona

Our next stop was up at the Grand Canyon National Park, where Caroline and I spent our honeymoon nearly two years earlier.

Caroline Wise and John Wise at the Grand Canyon National Park in Arizona

I’m so happy we have at least a few photos of ourselves from this time and that we’ve been so fortunate to visit the Grand Canyon again and again.

Axel Rieke, John Wise, and Ruby Alvarez in Sedona, Arizona

On another day during Ruby and Axel’s visit, we drove up to Sedona to sit on Bell Rock and take in the view.

Axel Rieke and Ruby Alvarez in Sedona, Arizona

While I dated this visit July 15th, I don’t know the exact date but had to guestimate based on the length of my hair and increasing weight, but it’s close enough. The next time we saw Ruby and Axel, he too would have cut off his hair just as I did the year before, and also, during that visit, these two would be getting married.