Day 5 – Frankfurt

Frankfurt, Germany

This is the view out of the bedroom window on Saalburgstrasse 46, where I’m staying in Frankfurt, Germany, also known as Jutta’s apartment. The last few days, this view has been dark and wet due to the rain, but here we are starting a day in beautiful sunlight. Oh, and it’s Saturday, which in Frankfurt means everyone will be out.

Frankfurt, Germany

Okay, where is everyone? It’s not like I left a few minutes after I took that previous photo, as I had some writing chores to tend to, namely yesterday’s blog post. While I write here and there over the course of the day, some things aren’t written until I decide what photos will be posted.

Frankfurt, Germany

Ah, this is where everyone is. Well, not everyone who is someone, but a lot of those who are planning on being part of everyone. Huh? Crowds are lining up for their free COVID tests so they can go shopping, eat at outside tables, and otherwise find their social life. Once they have their results, provided they are negative, they’ll go line up to get in stores. Grocery stores don’t require negative tests, but almost everything else does. These test centers seem to be everywhere, from empty shops to tents, and again, I’d like to reiterate that this version of free is without any cost other than the patience to wait.

Frankfurt, Germany

Guess what mistake I made while considering Anal Fantasy VII – Remake? I didn’t scan the QR code to see where it takes me, but do I really want to end up with some Goat.se-inspired images? Well, I guess I don’t mind because next time I walk by, I’ll be sure to bring up my phone, and if something gripping is found, I’ll share it.

Frankfurt, Germany

I suppose this is as good a place to report on the fact that while I’ve spent five days in Frankfurt and a short while in Wiesbaden, I’ve not been able to find a single homeless encampment yet. As I criss-cross the city, I’m always on the lookout for obvious signs of homeless people, and although I’m confronted with beggars every day, I’ve not seen a single shopping cart of belongings, a car stuffed to the roof with what someone has left, a tent or makeshift shelter crafted from whatever trash can be scrounged from the area.

You have to remember that Frankfurt is like America’s New York City and Berlin like San Francisco, and yet, from my trip to Berlin two years ago or this visit to Frankfurt during a pandemic, there are no homeless shelters or, worse, homeless camps. This isn’t to say that I’ve not seen people who appear to be homeless based on certain physical aspects such as hygiene and clothing, but the visual signs planted across a city, such as in the United States, those I’ve not found yet.

Frankfurt, Germany

This old jail has been abandoned for more than ten years, according to a couple of guys nearby who also told me that new condos are supposed to replace it, but nothing else could be found about its usage or origins. Strange that I only found one other photo on the internet of it.

Frankfurt, Germany

Back when I was living here in Frankfurt, I felt that the markets were a kind of festive celebration of food and socializing as people came out to celebrate the sun and good weather. These open-air markets are experiential explorations on the way to culinary enlightenment, allowing shoppers to sample things that might not be at their local grocery. While out here at the public square, a glass of wine and some hot food likely help erase the blues that can be a part of a city that is often cold and wet and, in winter, has short days and long evenings. Maybe my relationship with food has an unhealthy, obsessive quality, and I need to idealize life around our gastronomical adventures, but it is such a large part of our existence that I think it deserves a pedestal.

Frankfurt, Germany

This photo is for Caroline to share with her boss; she’ll understand the humor.

Frankfurt, Germany

I’m sitting on Töngesgasse while Stephanie talks with Jutta. Prior to this, we were in an amazing vinegar shop called Frankfurter Fass, where at normal times, I’d be able to sample their offerings, but we are not in normal times. This is only a fraction of the vinegar they have on hand and doesn’t include the olive oils and liquors.

It took Stephanie and I a good long while to reach Jutta’s as Stephanie first grabbed some lunch, and we talked for a while. and then we walked on and took another break to talk some more. Finally, we arrived at a happy mother-in-law smiling at the sight of the two of us showing up at her door together. For the next three hours, we talked; well, we did take a few minutes to explain and then showed her some cat videos, you know, those ones with cucumbers, and then we shared Denver The Guilty Dog with her, too. The small egg custard sweet Stephanie gave to Jutta and I, didn’t carry me very long, and shortly before 6:00, I told the ladies I had to go eat because I had found a restaurant on Römer that was not only open but was serving German food. Not just any German food either; I needed Grüne Sosse, and that’s exactly what I had.

Frankfurt, Germany

I was able to get a table under the awnings on the left at Zum Standesämtchen. I might have to mix things up sooner or later, but right now, I’m far away from growing tired of this Frankfurt special green sauce (Grüne Sosse) and Handkäse mit Musik. While I’ve described it before, I’ll share again: Handkäse (Hand Cheese) is called such because it’s formed by hand as opposed to scraping a cheese-like substance from between people’s fingers.

Frankfurt, Germany

What do potatoes and bread have to do with this photo? Other than everything in Germany being built by people who live on these German staples, it was my consumption of these forbidden food items that, for me, the diabetic, requires immediate exercise to exorcise the demons of carb-rich, sugar-creating molecules that want to kill me. Walking helps keep them at bay, while people-watching has its own benefits, though I can’t make a claim of just how that helps me.

Frankfurt, Germany

Then there’s the part of Frankfurt I love, the diversity. Sadly, most of the ethnic groups are just that, grouping. Rarely and usually only among young people do I see mixed ethnicities chatting and hanging out. Like America, Germany needs immigrants to fill the jobs that young Germans don’t want, but sadly, these new growing communities among their ranks are viewed with dismay and suspicion.

The cutest women here are experimenting with fashion, trying to find their own style. They are eclectic and often unique in their own way. How that’s squashed out of them is a function of this culture that I don’t understand. Is it their job requirements, their parents, or some genetic programming that quickly kills their curiosity? Of course, I can only compare this with my wife, who has managed to keep alive her sense of not meeting anyone else’s requirements but her own. With clothes from Sweden, Germany, America, Japan, India, and Croatia, she blends things with her old standards that also allow her a laziness that would see her also happy in a Gopnik style: Adidas and sunflower seeds, it’s a Slav thing.

Frankfurt, Germany

Conformity by playing age roles here in Germany as opposed to America where, as people age, they try their hardest to play the role of appearing perpetually younger. On one side is the tragedy of people giving up the semblance of originality, and on the other are those who appear silly as they give up their middle-aged appearance for a more youthful version. [Photo of Turkish Gopniks]

Frankfurt, Germany

After just five days back in Germany and for the first time in 26 years, I’m walking around studying Frankfurt with an eye towards examining what life is like here now. I mentioned earlier that older people are playing roles; when I arrived back in 1985, those who are currently 70 were only 34, and I saw them all around me every day. At concerts, restaurants, grocery stores, and generally out and about, they were not wearing such practical clothing. Like all of my generalizations, this is not a rule, but it is a thing. Maybe they are just trying to fit in with their elderly peers.

Frankfurt, Germany

My day on the streets of Frankfurt is about done with the continuing effects of jet lag still being felt. I need to make a note to myself to return to the end of Zeil, not far from the old jail, as there are three restaurants next to one another that are extremely popular with the Turkish crowd, the wealthy Turks or at least those that appear so on a Saturday night.

This reminds me that I wanted to share one other observation about life in Frankfurt today: there’s nowhere to go out and party. This hasn’t stopped people’s need to socialize and, if lucky, find someone of potential romantic interest to talk with, so to that end, they are out en masse in the main shopping area here known as Zeil. From the packed Turkish restaurants near Konstablerwache to the square at Hauptwache, thousands of mostly young people meandered about. I was wondering if this was normal here every Saturday now or if this is a response to not being able to go clubbing later and staying out all night.

Well, I’m not looking for a club, nor a bar, just a bed and a good night of rest so I can get going in the morning to visit Worms.

Day 4 – Germany Under The Sun

Bornheim Mitte U-Bahn Station Frankfurt, Germany

Even before leaving Arizona last Monday, I had planned that today (Friday) I’d head out to Wiesbaden and that this is exactly what I’ll do. Since I only slept less than 5 hours last night, I have an abundance of time. I wonder when this all catches up with me. Hopefully, I won’t fall asleep on the train. Time to go.

The rust is showing in my train-catching skills as I walked right up to one leaving for Wiesbaden and failed to pay enough attention to details to get on board. Good thing the next train was only 15 minutes away, and I’m in no hurry. After a short while on the S9 – Richtung Wiesbaden, I was getting quite the shock; the next stop was Gateway Gardens, the old U.S. Military housing area outside the Frankfurt Airport.

Frankfurt, Germany

My original plan was to spend the entire day out in Wiesbaden, but with the combination of poor weather still threatening rain and how much Jutta appears to enjoy my visits, I’m more than likely going to cut my time short so I can visit my mother-in-law before her dinner time.

Near Wiesbaden, Germany

While I’m inclined to put on my headphones and listen to music, I’m also enjoying the sound of the train accelerating, the doors beeping when they are about to shut, and the soothing voice of the person announcing stops along the route. Once we leave the airport station it’s nice to see that there are still woods next to the track, at least for a stretch until we reach Kelsterbach. Oh, I almost forgot to mention the sound of backpacks being taken off and set down.

Wiesbaden, Germany

I recognize nearly nothing at the Wiesbaden main train station. Again, the attempt to return to the familiar and celebrate nostalgia has been foiled. With that realization coming on so fast, the idea jumps into my head that maybe I should jump back on a train and beat a retreat, but I walk on.

Wiesbaden, Germany

I do love the sights here in Germany, and what’s better than red stone contrasting with deep blue skies? This is a corner of Wiesbaden’s main train station.

Wiesbaden, Germany

There’s nothing left in my memory of how I once navigated these streets, so I have to bring up a map and ask for a location that I know still exists, the Wartburg Theater and concert hall. When I see the street name Schwalbachstrasse, a ping of recognition rings loudly. I now try to recollect if there was a particular path I walked to the shops and clubs I’d visit out this way, but nothing looks like it used to. As I walk by this old church, I draw a blank and wonder if I’ve ever seen it before. With plenty of time, I figure I’ll walk back on a different route, and maybe that will kick my memory into recollecting where I’d been.

Wartburg in Wiesbaden, Germany

Now, on Schwalbachstrasse, I’m looking for a hint of an old club I used to love. Its name was Dschungel, a.k.a. the Jungle. A small place that was underground with more progressive/aggressive music compared to the Batschkapp or Cookies over in Frankfurt. I think I found the door with a sign about something to do with music now called The Basement; it kind of fits in the place my memory says it should, just down the street from the Wartburg! It sure seemed further away back then.

A mere few doors down is the Wartburg, where I saw my first two concerts in West Germany, Einsturzende Neubauten and Psychic TV. Those shows were quickly followed by Test Department and Front 242 in the same place. Formative memories for sure, but the experience of seeing the Wartburg again brings me nothing at all.

Wiesbaden, Germany

Seeing that I’m in town, I may as well follow my nose. I’m looking for a Döner shop, and I think I might know where it used to be. The neighborhood it’s in appears to be a kind of Middle East Quarter, and the shop is called Berlin Döner, but is it the one? I talked with the current owner, and he says it’s been here for 50 years, and he’s owned it for the past 13. It’s a good thing he doesn’t open until 10:00, giving me the chance to not ruin what, at one time, I thought was the best Döner I’d ever had. Now, it gets to remain that way.

Since I mentioned that this area had become a predominantly Middle East-influenced neighborhood: I’m reminded why immigration is such a great thing. If it wasn’t for Europe accepting so many immigrants, the diversity of culture here would not be developing the way it is. Yes, there are problems with integrating peoples of other countries, but what it ultimately offers is indispensable. There must be a good dozen small Middle Eastern groceries in the area, while the Harput and Günay families have opened a serious number of businesses along these streets.

Wiesbaden, Germany

What kind of neighborhood has a dozen barbershops? Apparently, this one. My experiences years ago remind me not to be so quick taking photos in places where a bunch of men with black hair and leather jackets are outside smoking and drinking coffee. I had learned pretty quickly after being run off a couple of times by angry people hollering at me. So, I made sure that those around me could see I wasn’t trying to take anyone’s photo. Just what original French tacos are I have no idea, but the logo suggests it’s ice cream. If they were open, I’d walk right in and ask for a carne asada taco and see how far I get.

Wiesbaden, Germany

After a brief couple of hours here, I feel that I’m ready to leave. While the architecture is different than that of Frankfurt, the rest of the businesses are nearly identical. Not much is open and I can’t imagine what else might be found if I continued exploring the city center, which is actually quite small.

By the time I reach the Hauptbahnhof, I’m hungry, but before I find food, I spot a man I’d seen earlier not far from the Wartburg screaming at someone. I figured it was a racial insult at the time, but seeing this guy here, I thought I would get confirmation. Getting his attention, it was apparent he was still a bit agitated, but realizing I had a real question, he asked if he could help me. So I asked him what happened back at the heavy confrontation and he told me that his issue was the man who asked him for money. He also explained that this is one of the young men who are part of the Beggar Mafia that fans out from Frankfurt to beg in the surrounding towns. He sees these people at parties all the time, arriving in expensive Audis doing loads of cocaine. Well, now I know.

Wiesbaden, Germany

Regarding my hunger, a Döner & Pizza shop was close at hand, so I nabbed a chicken Döner as that seems to be the popular choice these days. I’m guessing the meat is cheaper and so they go with that. I should have gone for a traditional Döner while I was in the Middle Eastern Quarter. My stomach is full; I’m on my way to Frankfurt a lot earlier than I could have guessed. The sun is shining, and now I’m overdressed. Here’s to hoping it’s not raining and cold back in Frankfurt.

Frankfurt, Germany

Whoa, it’s beautiful in Frankfurt, and it’s drawing people out.

Frankfurt, Germany

This was my view in the opposite direction.

Busker in Frankfurt, Germany

Needing a coffee and a sweet, I revisited Kleinmarkthalle, picking up a couple of hundred grams of cherries and an oat milk latte. Exiting, I saw the Cuban busker I ran into the other day while it was raining; we nodded hello to each other.  I threw him a few Euros and sat nearby, sipping my coffee and eating cherries. Life is good.

Frankfurt, Germany

A solar halo touching the cross of the Frankfurt Cathedral; I can’t say I’ve ever seen a solar halo or sun dog in Frankfurt. I’ll take this as being a first and that it portends good things.

Museum für Moderne Kunst in Frankfurt, Germany

I want to photograph everything in the city on my way to Jutta’s, as who knows if I’ll get another sunny day in Frankfurt? Just kidding, as bad as the weather is here, I know there will be many more beautiful days as we move into June.

Römer in Frankfurt, Germany

Half-timbered old buildings, socially distanced people, and blue skies, what more could be wished for?

Jutta Engelhardt and John Wise in Frankfurt, Germany

A photo of two not-socially distanced people enjoying it all is what could be wished for and realized.

Jutta Engelhardt in Frankfurt, Germany

I spent the rest of the afternoon with Jutta along the Main River. We just finished crossing Eiserner Steg (Iron Bridge), with Jutta telling me it’s been a long time since she had last been on this side of the river. Well, we need proof then that you made it over here. I know; let’s take your photo with those two cherubs so others might know of the day that One-Eyed Jutta crossed the Main River. Why she felt the need to grope its butt is a mystery.

By the way, as my mother-in-law tells it in her thick German pirate accent, “The river was churning dark and cold back during the winter of ’42 when my parrot attempted to pluck my eye from its socket. I pulled that still-connected eye from the beak of what would soon be a dead bird and shoved it back in my skull; I am a doctor, after all, but damned if I’d ever see from it again. That’s how I went blind in my left eye, and it’s the tale as I know it.”

On the Main River in Frankfurt, Germany

Okay, that’s not what Jutta told me, nor is it how she lost sight in that eye, but so what? We were out here to laugh and have fun.

Jutta Engelhardt in Frankfurt, Germany

Buying Jutta an ice cream is a surefire way to have fun. I had a coffee and sparkling water as we just continued to sit in the sun. The day has turned out beautiful but I’m starting to melt. From freezing cold to hot from one day to the next. People watching was working out well with all the Frankfurters needing to leave their caves to soak up all of this vitamin D. After nearly four hours with my mother-in-law, it was time to take her back home and for me to head back to my side of town.

But first, I needed to get food out of the way. Going to dinner proved a bit difficult as I’d originally planned on dropping in on Sachsenhausen for an outdoor seating establishment serving good old traditional German fare, but nope, not tonight; they are all still closed. Back across the river, I was hungry enough not to be too choosy and looked in on a place called Naïv, which has lots of beer, Handkäse, and burgers. Well, at least they have “Hand Cheese”.

Pulling out my computer to write some of this down is super awkward as everyone else here is having beers and meeting with friends, while I’m the single solo visitor and the only one with a giant digital device open. Spoke too soon as another English speaker across from me just opened hers. Then, in a flash, my dinner is delivered, and so it turns out I have no time to write anyway. I’ll definitely feel better putting this thing away.

Returned to Saalburgstrasse early tonight as I’m exhausted. Didn’t sort much other than books, and I spotted Jutta’s driver’s license from 1957. She was only 22 years old in this image and ten years away from giving birth to her second daughter, my wife, Caroline. Jutta had already lived through ten years of war and 12 years of recovery and rebuilding following the conclusion of World War II. Her mom was bitter at her losses, including her cherished son, and marriage to someone she didn’t really love was on the horizon.

On one hand, the woman in the image above is just another random human being, but more importantly, she was becoming the person who would most influence my best friend. Even after ten visits to America and the over 30 years I’ve known Jutta, I can’t ever really know her from the formative years she struggled to try and make sense of a chaotic society that was forced into broad sweeping changes that would alter the culture of Germany and have the Germans looking deep within.

Schulatlas from 1927 with U.S. Map - Printed in Germany

From her books, I found The Book of Mormon, gifted to her by a friend named Marianna back in 1988. An old book about San Francisco and a couple about various Native American tribes were buried in her collection. They all appear to pre-date her trips to America unless she bought yellowed old copies from a used book store at some time, but based on her other books, it looks like Jutta always bought new copies of what she was interested in. Stranger yet is an old “School Atlas” from 1927 with markings on the map of the United States. Notes on the edges of the map point to things about the Ozarks, tides, and islands, things a student might write as reminders from their lessons, but the markings that draw a line between Denver and Phoenix are the most curious.

I cannot believe that Jutta would mark up an heirloom that might have belonged to her father in order to remind herself of her last trip to America when she flew into Denver, and I picked her up for the drive to Phoenix. Maybe she did, but I like the mystery of believing that someone out of her past was foreshadowing a page out of Jutta’s future.

No longer able to keep my eyes open and brain reeling from exhaustion I was able to fall asleep at 10:30 and sleep all the way through to morning when I picked up again to finish this post.

Day 3 – Frankfurt

Jutta's bed in Frankfurt, Germany

After almost six consecutive hours of sleep, I woke at a more reasonable time of 6:15 a.m. I had to rip some paragraphs out of my Day Zero blog entry that Caroline found challenging to post and so it finally was pushed to being published. I can’t recommend reading its remaining voluminous 3,300 words that emerged from the transition zone between leaving America and arriving in Europe as it’s so much rehash of me saying blah blah blah, but then again, I feel that way about most all I share here. At least some of the photos are nice.

Then it was on to Day 2 in order to finish writing what I couldn’t put down last night because I was so tired. Between sentences, I was able to get in my ablutions and began to feel like a routine of normal life was starting to settle in. Well, as normal as things can be while adopting a new (albeit temporary) routine thousands of miles away from my wife and home.

Jutta's desk in Frankfurt, Germany

Distracted by a fit of inspiration, I started writing about my mother-in-law in another document that may or may not be published here, but that’s beside the point other than to excuse myself for the lack of blogging here. Before I go much further, I’ll explain these two photos. The first is the bed I’m sleeping in, which was Jutta’s, and before her, it was her brother’s. She believes the mattress had once been her father’s but can’t be certain if it’s been replaced in the intervening 100 or so years. I’ll confirm with Stephanie (my sister-in-law) if she had it replaced in the past (let’s hope). The second photo is of Jutta’s desk which was the desk of her ex-husband Hanns’ father. For the time being, this desk is where I’m writing, as well as preparing the photos I’m posting, in the late evening and early morning.

All of us humans need beautiful things to catch our eye and bask in the good fortune that we might have been able to decorate our dwelling in some way that appeals to our sense of the aesthetic. We grow older, and yet these objects tell us stories whose full depth no one else can really fathom how we see others and how they might make our hearts smile.

Heaven, children, home, and the art of life have decorated the walls of Jutta’s apartment, but now these things must all go somewhere. Her new place is quite tiny and will only hold a fraction of the things held so meaningfully by my mother-in-law. How to decide what is parted with when so much is deeply embued with memories?

I do not know the story of the image on the left, but I do know that the man in the middle is Wilhelm Linnenkohl, Jutta’s father. My mother-in-law has never been able to speak highly enough about her terrific father, and it’s obvious she felt incredibly close to this man. Sadly, the same can’t be said about her mother, who doesn’t warrant even a single photo to be found anywhere in this large collection of mementos.

The cake plate from a local Konditorei was painted by a very young Caroline when she was in elementary school. If her memory serves her right, that’s her mom in the middle and Caroline in the back. Of all the times I’ve been in this apartment, I somehow have never really seen this picture, and if I did, I never considered its provenance or how my mother-in-law connects to the memory of her then 7 – or 8-year-old child.

Things brought home from Jutta’s many journeys to America were never very far from her heart. As a matter of fact, they were beside her during those times she sat at this desk I’m sitting at tonight. While I write on my computer, she wrote by hand her entire life in the chicken scratch appropriate for a doctor.

Speaking of provenance, there are no markings on these treasures which makes it nearly impossible to try selling them as what is the story behind them? Stephanie doesn’t believe anything in her cabinets was used, not even once.

I’m thinking that I need to use some of these so their function might extend beyond decoration.

The one thing from Jutta’s effects Caroline and I both love is this clock. How it’ll get to Arizona, if we even ship it there, is in question, but one thing is certain: we’d like to get it repaired and listen to its chimes into the future.

Now, on with the day. When I finally broke away from the apartment, I took an hour-long walk down some random streets, trying to follow my dysfunctional inner map to Jutta’s new place. When I reached the zoo, I started getting the idea that I might be heading in the wrong direction, so I checked a map, and sure enough, I had to do a little backtracking and alter my route. My pace was slow as I was just as interested in finding what I didn’t know I was interested in yet as getting to my destination.

It’s easy to have the impression that Frankfurt is a shiny modern city filled with glass and steel and high rents exclusively for the wealthy, but you can also find many old buildings in varying states of disrepair.

Maybe returning to the earth is just a natural part of life that plays its role, taking back all that it has given. Even the cars are being pulled into the camouflage, so we might not see them disappearing.

There are 12,000 markers on this old Jewish cemetery on Battonnstrasse next to the Museum Judengasse here in Frankfurt. Twelve thousand people, whose names are impossible to remember, with lives unfulfilled with the satisfaction of dying of natural causes surrounded by loved ones. These souls were exterminated by hate, and they had no avenue or wall to post their grievances as the world turned its back on a harsh reality. It’s somber to slowly walk by and try reading birthdays and names while everyone else walking by, apparently tuning out what this memorial represents.

Who were you, little Robert Goldschmidt, when you died in a concentration camp before you ever reached the age of 8? Not only were you dragged from home and shipped almost 1,000 km to die with your family, but you also missed any kind of real childhood and fun that all people should know. An anonymous marker that is effectively hidden among the thousands of others on this wall will never really tell anything about you or your dreams. All we know of your existence is that you were born Jewish and died in the heinous manmade hell known as Auschwitz by the hand of monsters.

Getting to Jutta’s just as she finished lunch worked out for us, sitting a good long while talking about her fears, inspirations, guilt, and what comes next. We were able to have a coffee delivered, which was great as, once again, the heavy rain kept us in. Maybe I need to try visiting early in the morning or late in the day, as the rain seems to be held at bay during those hours.

It’s 4:00 p.m. when I’m able to grab a table at Hauptwache Cafe to sit down for an early dinner, or is this a late lunch? I’ve never eaten a meal here, only Apfelstrudel. I started with an order of Handkäse mit Musik, naturally, of course, followed by Wiener Schnitzel with Grüne Sosse because that’s the way it has to be for the universe to function.

The pleasure of being ignored for a meal and having to gain the attention of the server is a luxury. I finished my lunch over 20 minutes ago, and my plate continues to sit on my table. In a moment, I’ll order dessert, though I hate admitting this here where Caroline is going to learn that I had another sweet, so it goes; she knew I’d be indulging myself. Oh my GOD! Hauptwache Cafe does not have Apfelstrudel on the menu. The menu was changed due to the pandemic, and while the server sold me an apple pie she insisted was great, I was seriously disappointed.

Gray skies are not very motivating to wander far as the chance of rain remains ever-present. Not that I’m leaving anytime soon from this normally packed establishment, but I am aware that I need to do something or other within the next 4 or 5 hours. I have a sense of needing to do important things that use my time wisely and that I don’t waste a valuable moment from this amazing opportunity. Yet, maybe being present can be enough.

I’m an experience glutton with an inner voice that yells at me: do not relent; go out and find something new! Hah, so what am I doing at Hauptwache Cafe enjoying a two-hour lazy meal? Well, I fooled you; I snarfed most of my dessert and decided to play it safe by calling it quits so I could get out and walk this off. So, with no time to waste, I’m taking a pause on this side of my journey to see where I end up.

Drawn to the main train station, which always has had a pull on me, and so through the high rises, I walked into the rotten funk between the heavens and a nearly defunct red-light district filled with sketchy types that seem to be eyeballing passersby looking for victims. Sure, I’m a bit paranoid, but I think when we are in seedy areas of downtown, it is smart to move with purpose while not making eye contact with a soul.

I’m in love with these ground-based rocketships. They speed effortlessly over the European landscape, cutting the journey time by car from 6 hours from here to Paris, France, to only 3 hours. Someday, you should be so lucky to have a full cup of coffee or a beer brought to you in first class and watch as not a drop is spilled in the quiet of the cabin, hauling you at 300 km/h (186 mph) across Europe.

Those things that can’t move might grow moss on them in this damp climate. but the same happening to the population here is a strange phenomenon to witness. There’s a tragedy to covering so much of the city in just a few days with a constant reminder that so few people are here and even fewer visiting from anywhere else. Germany is a land of many cultural traditions that bring people together for music, talks, coffee, cake, shopping, long dinners, many festivals, and historic destinations. It’s incredible to think that my fellow countrymen were bursting at the seams due to the most minor pandemic-related restrictions based primarily around masks while Europe has had to put on hold the heart of their society.

I remain incredulous that I’m actually in the city of Frankfurt am Main, living in memories that should be being shared with Caroline, whose connection to this place is far, far greater than mine. Yes, I feel guilty for the luxury of exploring her birthplace in a way I never had the mind for when I was younger, and I’m guessing the same would go for her. I’m lucky that communication tools are what they are and that she and I can chat all day, that I can share a video call with her and her mom as I did again today, and that I can capture and write all this stuff that may not matter to anyone else but for her, a surrogate experience with the man she loves is better than nothing.

Keep Entrance Clear Day and Night. These signs are ubiquitous across Frankfurt, as are the bicycle lane and one-way signs, stickers demanding that fascism doesn’t have a place in Frankfurt, and buttons to summon a change in signals so pedestrians can cross the many streets required to get around. I’ve done my fair share of walking this city today. I covered 16 kilometers (10 miles), which saved me $6 for a day pass for the train. I wonder what tomorrow brings?

Day 2 – Frankfurt

Frankfurt, Germany

Four hours of sleep wasn’t going to be enough, but waking at 2:30 in the morning was when the cock crowed in my head. By 5:30, I started feeling I’d finally be able to snag a couple more hours of shut-eye, but sleeping in until after 10:00 was not my plan. I was now running late and needed to call Jutta to let her know I wasn’t going to be showing up between 9:00 and five minutes ago. She told me not to worry and enjoy a nice breakfast along the way.

I was momentarily distracted by those things that were precisely the reason for my being in Germany, the effects left behind by Jutta as she went into assisted living. Strange how when she lived here, I never really gave a second thought to what she’d amassed over her lifetime, but looking over her artifacts now, I start to see part of her story arch based on literature she’s read, though I have no way of giving it a proper timeline. Already late; I have to save this for later and get going.

I’ll travel this path a few times during my stay, walk down Saalburgstrasse to Bergerstrasse, and get on the U-Bahn to areas further on. The bakery on the corner winked at me, telling me it had quick calories to jump-start my energy supply. Nothing like an Erdbeerplunder (strawberry Danish) to do just that. As I left the shop and noticed that the Wednesday open-air market was taking place, I had to at least check out some small corner of it. Good thing I did so as I was able to alleviate some of my guilt of indulging in those empty diabetic-unfriendly sugars by balancing it with a grilled Thuringer sausage.

Frankfurt, Germany

Standing there on Bergerstrasse, I got to thinking about how many people were just launching into German conversations with me. Thirty years ago, during the Cold War and with so many Americans in occupied West Germany, I felt that the population had developed a natural sense of who the Americans were, even when bearded with long hair as I had been during much of my time here. Today, that insight has faded and German is once again the only official language of this country.

People are patiently waiting outside shops where signs instruct shoppers that only one customer at a time is allowed in. While in line, they wear their masks. On the street, it’s a mixed bag of some people wearing masks and others not. I cannot find a pattern, as only those who’ve been vaccinated are allowed certain privileges, and  I’m not sure they eschew masks. The reason I’m struggling is that only those over a certain age have been able to get the vaccine, and mask-wearing does not align with people’s ages.

There are a lot of elderly people in this neighborhood which reminds me of the likelihood that someday I’ll need to stop driving a car and that living in Europe would be a possible good solution to that. But then you see these seniors shuffling by slowly with walkers and canes; how they also balance the bags of food, they are out collecting looks challenging. Something else seen but not certain is that they are alone, and my knowledge of Germany suggests they may very well be all living alone. Doubt looks to creep into my thoughts of being anywhere that will be easier on an old person. I’m considering this as I see the old person creeping out of me.

Frankfurt, Germany

Nobody is making eye contact with me; there are no silent nods acknowledging each other’s existence as in America. The beggars are out, and so are the permanently drunk who, strangely enough, still wear masks over their loud and aggressive conversations with the person walking next to them or simply talking to the universe in their lament about all that’s worthy to broadcast to everyone in earshot.

Not having to translate much of what I hear, I’m just an observer traveling with my own cultural baggage, able to concentrate on the details likely unseen by those living here. We grow a thick skin to filter out the intrusions and construct the life we want to have in an anonymous society while the visitor is often overwhelmed by all that is new to their senses, but this is not new to me. On the contrary, my moments here are quite familiar, though often far from my memories, as they don’t really need revisiting while living in Arizona.

As though I weren’t already late, I’ve been sitting in the U-Bahn station, maybe 15 meters underground writing the above as train after trains come and go. I note this just before hitting save to board the next train so I can finally drop in on Jutta. It’s noon, and the little things keep arriving in my mind.

Maybe it’s because I’m so late getting underway, but I’m not seeing many young people on the train, or maybe they are homeschooling? What I am picking up on is the idea that more people are looking directly at each other. Maybe their masks have them feeling like they are hidden behind a barrier that doesn’t allow others to notice their eyes observing them, but I’m noticing. An older lady with the squintiest of eyes and I are looking directly at each other while I hold her gaze somewhat astonished that a German is making eye contact. Funny how, on one of my last visits to Germany, I noticed how smartphones were used to lock riders’ views to staring at their device, thus easily avoiding finding somewhere else to look while on public transportation. What is it about the noonday crowd that is hardly using phones at all?

Frankfurt, Germany

In minutes, I’m getting off at Dom/Römer, where it’s now raining. Over at city hall, family and friends of about 15 people are in a celebratory mood as a couple was just married. Signed in at Lebenshaus and given an FFP2 mask this time, I was let into Jutta’s room while she finished lunch. She and I were supposed to go out for coffee today, but with the cold, wet weather, I’m opting to stay in for my two-hour visit. Right now, her room is sparse, though she’s supposed to get a piece of furniture delivered this Friday, where some of her belongings will continue to live with her.

Jutta Engelhardt in Frankfurt, Germany

The reason an attendant let me into Jutta’s room while she was at lunch was that I’m not allowed to sit with the other tenants, probably due to pandemic precautions or maybe also trying to get the others to socialize a few times a day, seeing they are all neighbors.

Jutta Engelhardt in Frankfurt, Germany

Only about a half-hour after I arrived, a message from Caroline chimed on my phone: what’s she doing up at 4:00 in the morning? She set an alarm so she could go out and see a lunar eclipse. This allowed the three of us to have another video chat and for me to see her beautiful face smiling at me. And while I finally had slept well, I’m yawning now, so Jutta and I are going to head around the corner to a nearby ice cream cafe for a coffee…and maybe a treat.

Jutta Engelhardt in Frankfurt, Germany

Nope, that didn’t happen. While there was a break in the poor weather that allowed the thought of going out, from the brief time we decided to go out until we got downstairs, the rain came on a bit heavy again. We dipped back inside, but it wasn’t relenting, so we were postponing until a sunny day came along. After a couple of hours of visiting, I was once again out in the city.

Frankfurt, Germany

Now in the rain by myself, I needed to find a bite to eat and a coffee. That was easy enough, but as is the case everywhere here, there’s nowhere to sit down, so you pop around the corner, pull your mask down, and eat once you decide just what you want.

Not yet satisfied, I remembered the sausages I’d seen at Kleinmarkthalle yesterday and grabbed one of them; it was a dried pork and paprika shriveled sausage of a thing. With the rain continuing, I lingered here at the market, paying a little more attention to each vendor than I did yesterday. It wasn’t far from there to Konstablerwache, where I knew I could find a seat underground so I could jot these things down and stay dry and warm. How strange this situation of being in Europe without a cafe, wifi, or restaurant to sit down and take a break.

Frankfurt, Germany

I emphasize being warm as I insisted when leaving Phoenix that it would be warm enough soon enough in the Frankfurt region. I knew that I could deal with a few days of rain and cold, so I could leave my bulky fleece at home. Now comes the mea culpa that Caroline was right; I should have brought it. Also, I brought a rain jacket, but I’m waiting until I really need it. It seems like I’ve really needed it both of these days, so I’m at a loss why it’s not with me. Damn, I hope my wife wasn’t also right about bringing sunblock [or your hat, maybe? – the wife].

In this cavernous underground train station, the subway is yet further below; I’m sitting next to the coming and going S-Bahns. These trains are the much longer ones that travel between regions such as between Frankfurt and Wiesbaden, Darmstadt, and Hanau. Normally, when I’ve been down here, I’m waiting for a specific train so I don’t really pay attention to the ones I’m not going to ride but instead count the minutes until mine shows up. Sitting here at 4:00 p.m., I’m watching trains pass through at a rate of what seems to be one every 60 to 90 seconds. By the way, not all subways of the U-Bahn system perform service strictly below ground but also find themselves out on streets, such as the U5 that used to bring Caroline and me home after visiting the downtown shopping area.

My coffee is not having the desired effect, or jet lag is simply chewing through my waking energy faster than I can muster it. Judging by people’s jackets who are walking past me, it’s still raining up there, and while I have an umbrella, there’s really nowhere else to park myself…unless I catch a train over to Hauptbahnhof that could promise more people watching and maybe somewhere to sit that’s not so far under the surface of the earth.

I’m also likely in danger of dehydrating as, with limited toilet facilities available to the public, I’m reluctant to drink. I’m guessing that for Germans, the idea is to get out to pick up what you need and go right home. I’m not giving in to that, as it’s far more interesting out here where beggars can go by asking for coins or smokes.

Pandemic Shopping in Frankfurt, Germany

Wandering around upstairs, still at Konstablerwache contemplating walking to the Hauptbahnhof, I spotted some open, and importantly, free toilets, which means I now have a goto location for that necessity. With the rain taking a break, I opted for a walk down Zeil and learned about a new way of shopping: scan a QR code to make an appointment to enter the shop at a later time or date. There’s obviously zero tolerance for ambiguity about how many people are in a shop, so a system was created to make shopping a little easier.

The respite from the rain didn’t last long, and my idea that I might walk to the main train station has been dashed so down the stairs I go into the Hauptwache train station.

Busker in Frankfurt, Germany

By and large, I find Germans to be an educated populace with a giant appetite to experience the entire breadth of their freedoms. They love their long vacations, free university system, and rich cultural offerings in nearly all mid to large-sized cities. They know world history, not just their own country’s history, and they are pretty well aware of global politics. Yes, they pay high taxes in order to have a very effective social safety net, but they are of their own mind and demand justice within their borders, and that sense of doing the right thing often extends well into Europe. With that as background, I’ve not seen a single person in the train station not wearing a mask.

Train after train passes me on its way into the station, and everyone I glance at is wearing a prescribed mask. They are not wearing gators or cloth masks; they have KN95 or medical masks on, period. I’m sure if I sit here long enough or maybe if I rode the train multiple times a day, I’d see the occasional offender but not once in the underground area or on the trains themselves. It should go without saying that it’s the exact same in the shops, but on the street, it’s definitely a mixed bag.

Just as I finish writing the above, my observations are proven wrong. A drunk man took up a seat about a dozen seats away from me and has gone to sleep; his mask is down under his chin now. Another guy further down, suffering from Tourettes or schizophrenia, is wildly gesticulating in almost violent movements, but he is quiet. Watching him, I realize there are two pigeons down here at Hauptwache with us, and maybe his head movements are trying to communicate with the birds. While not likely, I’ve got nothing other than my uneducated guesses to explain him. Time to board one of these trains to make my way out to Heddernheim.

Frankfurt, Germany

What a hodgepodge of weather in such a small region. Emerging from the bowels of the subway system, the sun is out here making me wonder if it had always been shining on this side of Frankfurt.

Frankfurt, Germany

After arriving at my in-laws, seen above, they assured me that just two hours before my arrival, it was hailing out here and the sky had just recently cleared up. We sat down at the dining room table and started to gab. Along the way, Klaus made dinner. Well, I got leftovers, but let me tell you that these were no ordinary leftovers; this was Grüne Sosse (Green Sauce) which is a famous Frankfurt specialty you will not find anywhere else on earth. With a handful of boiled potatoes and a couple of hard-boiled eggs, this dish of cold ground herbs in yogurt sauce is an absolutely perfect preparation that takes the simple and transforms into wonderful.

The conversation continued as we lost all track of time…

Frankfurt, Germany

…It was only minutes before 11:00 p.m. as I walked over to pick up the train heading back into the city center.

Medical Mask in Vending Machine from Frankfurt, Germany

The trains run late into the night, but they are not as frequent as during the day; this gave me more time to spend looking for things in these tunnels I might have missed on every previous visit I’ve made. Heading to an important meeting for work, and your mask is getting dingy? Just stop at a nearby vending machine, and between the gummy candy and chewing gum, you can buy a fresh FFP2 mask for a couple of Euros.

Frankfurt, Germany

I’m not alone out here, which makes me feel better as on my way into Germany I wasn’t sure how enforced the curfew is. I should have known that it was a recommendation and not something that turned people into criminals for needing to keep moving between places.

Frankfurt, Germany

A major source of entertainment for me in the subways has always been the sections of walls dedicated to advertising upcoming cultural events. The industry surrounding the printing and posting of these large, widely distributed missives must have taken a serious hit during the pandemic, as there’s little to read with large parts of the dedicated spaces empty. This poster, at least in my translation, captured this perfectly, “Archive for Nothing.” With nothing going on and nowhere to go, this otherwise white space is offering you a glimpse into nothing.

Frankfurt, Germany

Seeing how I no longer live off Glauburgstrasse on Gluckstrasse, I won’t be taking the U5 home tonight but instead boarded the next train, the U4, to Jutta’s old apartment. The train cars are quiet, no revelers are partying with open bottles of alcohol, nor have I seen a single homeless person or beggar on the trains yet.

I didn’t shoot very many photos today, and I won’t know for years until I read this on that future date if what I captured and shared achieved something worthwhile, but this was the best I could do. Finally, while this was only my second day in Germany, I feel as though I’ve already been here for many more days. Such is the impact of having our senses moving to fully alert from casually aware.

Day 1 – Frankfurt Arrival

I’d been in Frankfurt for about five hours before I took a moment to sit down at MyZeil to share some impressions. Much of the airport is still closed. Germany would have been closed to me if I hadn’t been able to call my brother-in-law Klaus and have him verify the reason for my arrival during the pandemic. Our stories matched, and after they had checked all the documents I had photographed (one with Caroline and her passport, our marriage certificate, the document that notes that she took my name), I showed my return ticket along with a couple of other things such as the name of my mother-in-law’s assisted living center and had explained that I would be staying in her apartment, only after all that, I watched as my passport was stamped for entry. Klaus picked me up shortly after that and took me directly to Saalburgstrasse 46, where I’ll be staying. We caught up a bit, but then I needed to head out for a bite to eat and to make my first visit with Jutta Engelhardt, my mother-in-law.

Around the corner from the apartment is Zeiss Metzgerei, where I never fail to stop for a slice of roasted pork belly on a Brötchen mit senf (roll with mustard). I’m sharing the image of the bag with my sandwich because very few places are offering somewhere to sit down and those that do are only serving people outside. To be seated at a restaurant, you have to show proof of vaccination. So, I’m outside, it’s raining lightly, and I have my computer on my back and camera on my shoulder. As I was still evaluating the relative safety of the area here on Bergerstrasse (there are usually quite a few beggars and shady types hanging out), I was keeping things tight as I stood under an awning, quickly wolfing down my Schweinebauch-Brötchen.

Living in Phoenix, we are confronted with a constant flow of people on street corners holding up placards, begging for a handout, and offering us blessings from God; store parking lot driveways are also popular begging spots. In Frankfurt, they are sitting against a building holding up signs explaining their destitute situation, but you also have those who approach you directly, asking for some change. Then there are people somewhere between poverty and homelessness who want cigarettes or a lighter. There’s something that feels more confrontational about these situations. Later in the day, I was walking by groups of beggars that seemed either like family or maybe a small gang of friends who I couldn’t help but feel were taking inventory of the person passing by as they tried to get me to acknowledge their needs. I just keep going without a word.

With something to sustain me and wanting to put the beggars behind me, I headed for the U-Bahn to catch the U4 to Römer. Jutta is now living at an assisted living facility on Buchgasse 1, and it took me a minute or two to find the entrance.

John and Jutta in Frankfurt

After a quick hello, it just so happened that I was right on time before Caroline jumped into her day to Skype her into our first meeting so the three of us could share some big smiles. I showed Jutta some photos of our recent trip to Monterey and the Big Sur Coast in California, and after a quick hour of reminiscing about past adventures, including her first trip to America that took her up that very same coast, I was back out on the street, just as the sun was emerging. I had wanted to stay longer, but jet lag was hammering at me in the warmth of my mother-in-law’s room.

The first thing to notice about Frankfurt today is how empty everything is. Streets are quiet, pedestrian traffic is way off, and many shops are still closed, while those that are open have strict entry procedures, including a few that check for your vaccination or recent negative COVID-19 test before letting you in. While intermittent rain was coming and going, there should have been far more people out here next to the Main River on a spring day.

If I’m walking, I can’t fall asleep, and I need to stay awake until at least 9:00 p.m. This might have been a bad plan because while, yes, I was moving, I had so little cognitive ability that my wandering felt lost and meaningless. Sure, there’s the nostalgia of being in the city where Caroline and I fell in love, but I’m trying to appreciate how peculiar the situation is regarding the impact of COVID-19 on such an important European capital city. Instead, I move a bit slowly, uncertain where I’m going other than hoping to find an umbrella before the next shower.

This street, in normal times, would see bumper-to-bumper traffic and a ton of noise, but it’s quiet, with only a few cars passing here and there.

Part of the iconic (and unique to Germany) view of the city of highrises is taken near a vantage point where we watch the fireworks over Frankfurt every New Year’s Day. One of the small cruise ships that ply these waters for tourists and people wanting a couple of hours on the Main sipping wine was out in the middle of the channel, but no passengers could be seen on board; I’m hoping it’s a sign that they are getting ready to ramp up services again.

I walked through here on the way to Jutta’s when it was still raining and absolutely empty, but that photo was a bit grim, and half-timber buildings just look better in the sun anyway. Behind me is the Römer, the seat of city government, and before me is the Römerberg where one of the best Christmas markets is held when conditions allow.

As quickly as the sun came out, the clouds moved back in, so I dipped into Kleinmarkthalle where I’ll probably visit a dozen more times while I’m in the Frankfurt area. This covered farmers market has always been a favorite of mine as I’d never known anything like it before I took up residence in Frankfurt back in 1985. Stopping here for a cortado was not only meant to revive my heavy eyes, but I couldn’t help but think of our friend Angela, who brought us to the place that made her favorite coffee drink in Frankfurt some years ago that just happened to be right here.

On the other side of Kleinmarkthalle, with my coffee in hand, I found myself being serenaded by this Cuban busker playing clarinet for passersby, hoping to earn a few Euros. I threw some coins in and talked with him for a short while about his 30 years living in this city and his hopes that someday he could move to America. Seems that the pandemic has been especially hard on people on the economic margin of life in Germany.

Still, without an umbrella, I had to duck under an awning and wait for some fierce and heavy rain mixed with hail to pass before continuing my aimless walk through the city.

Just behind me is where I visited MyZeil, looking in even more earnest for an umbrella but also in need of a toilet. What the heck? The toilets are all closed, probably due to the pandemic. Then, like the determined person I am, I simply went through one of the passages where the “closed toilets” were supposed to be, but they were locked. …Or were they? Yes, the men’s room was definitely locked, but I heard female voices in the women’s room, so I waited. Their door didn’t close all the way, and so, although the handle was locked too and wouldn’t turn, I was able to use the facilities. I guess Germans aren’t wandering very far from home or drinking a lot while out getting some sun, as I didn’t see one open public toilet.

It was at this point that I started taking my first notes of the day I referenced in the first paragraph.

I can’t believe how familiar this city still is. When Caroline and I visited Frankfurt for the first time after 18 years away, I was kind of lost, but today things are all quite familiar. It was difficult to sit still writing anything as I wanted to keep on moving to see what I could see on my first day. I had ideas for dinner, but the fatigue of traveling around the earth to be here and only getting about two hours of sleep on my flight might change my plans.

I know I can’t do everything on day one, and I also know I have five more hours of daylight. The urgency to sleep nags at me with big yawns that tell me to get my blood flowing and keep walking. I know I have to stay awake until at least 9:00 p.m., though it feels like I could lay down on a nearby bench for a quick nap.

Wow, an E-Assist mini UPS delivery vehicle is being pedaled through the shopping area of Hauptwache; I’m seriously impressed. If these were 2-person affairs with space in the back for sleeping, I could see driving something like this through Yellowstone and going camping with it.

Speaking of Hauptwache, while the Hauptwache Cafe looked closed, it was open actually, but having apple strudel and cream for dinner seemed a bit heavy, so I kept walking in the direction I was going, which was in the general direction of the Hauptbahnhof (main train station). That got me thinking about this guy I know who lives nearby.

I texted Olaf, who had no idea I was coming to Germany, and asked him to take a walk down Kaiserstrasse and that maybe we’d bump into each other. Surprised, he headed out immediately, no questions asked. He helped me find a nice, inexpensive purple umbrella and then led us to an Imbiss (cafe and convenience store in one), where I had another coffee before we crossed the street to his apartment.

Whoa, Olaf’s “kids” grew up and are nearly adults! Sylvia was home, but of course, she was, as many people still are, working from home, though I did learn she’s had her first two days back in the classroom. Both Olaf and his wife are vaccinated; well, Olaf is halfway there. After covering things about life during the pandemic, I was hungry, but my plans were now certainly different than my intention when I left America; I needed food, and I needed it now.

Again, back across the street and up towards the Hauptbahnhof, we visited a Döner Kebab shop Olaf’s daughter Lucy recommended: it hit the spot. Döner is loosely known as gyros in America, but they are nothing alike because döner is actually great. All of a sudden, it was 9:00 p.m., and I still wanted to get some blog-related things out of the way, so we parted ways with the agreement that we’d meet again while I was in Germany for a cookout in his backyard.

Walking through the main train station area at 9:00 p.m. was a stupid idea as I felt I had “robbery victim” written all over my head. Moving with purpose, I was quickly on my way to the subway on the U4 back to Bornheim Mitte for the short walk to my mother-in-law’s apartment. This photo is for Caroline. It is a mural near her mom’s place that never fails to put smiles on our faces. Great, now I’m wired. Maybe I had too much coffee?

Day 0 – Destination Germany

United Airlines in Arizona

Well, here I am at the airport at 11:00 on a Monday morning, on my way to Denver, where I’ll be catching a plane this evening to Frankfurt, Germany. I’ll land in Frankfurt at 11:30 a.m. local time, which is 2:30 a.m. in Phoenix, Arizona. This is my first time in an airport in two years, and from the look of things, life is back to normal, aside from the masks.

My Uber driver showed up early, which ensured I got to the airport on time. Once at the check-in kiosk and having scanned my passport, I needed an airline rep to verify my documents. I was asked for my COVID test results, which pushed my launch buttons. I insisted that Germany recently changed the policy, and exceptions were made. Luckily, before I could transition to panic, the assistant spotted the exceptions button and verified my CDC vaccination document. Phew.

Because my TSA/KTN/Pre-check paperwork was still good, I was able to avoid the seriously long security line and breezed through that part of the gauntlet. As usual, I’m under stress as I do not look forward to the boarding process because I worry that my bag won’t fit in an overhead bin if I arrive at my seat late. And what do I do with all this extra time? Eat? Hmm, airport food. My options were slim, but I knew that.

Obviously, I turned to writing, but now that I have the easy, obligatory rundown of what transpired after I left home this morning, I’m floundering to find anything very meaningful to note here. I’m transfixed by what I’ve committed to and pretty much only see Germany on the horizon. I should note that it’s strangely quiet in the terminal, though there are a lot of people here, probably due to the masks that are muffling conversations. Maybe my mind is being muffled by this face covering? I know coffee will kick-start me.

The bar with bar food is the only option for a bite to eat at this terminal. It filled the lunch requirement, and having arrived at the airport so early, I endured the long line at Starbucks for the main reason for wandering away from the waiting area. Before I know it our row numbers are called to board our plane, and we are soon in the air, heading out of the desert.

While I’m flying with a full complement of software toys to occupy myself, the brevity of the flight has me reluctant to try digging into something that will take a bit of time to find flow with. So, why am I back at this writing stuff if the flow is so difficult to find? Because I don’t know what else to do in my narrow little seat. I know, I should have brought videos! No, that would absolve me from trying to discover an inkling of something to say beyond this low-hanging fruit of complaint.

Just barely at altitude, we are almost 30 minutes into our flight then in another 30 minutes, we’ll begin our descent. The beverage carts are out, and we’ve been reminded countless times that our masks are required at all times unless we are taking sips of our drink or eating.

If I were a betting man, I’d wager that the majority of my tensions here in the air are attributable to the total disdain I hold for those around me. Honestly, though, I hold no real insight into who these half-lives are; I’m only making assumptions based on some 50 years of looking people in the face and waiting for things to fall out. They confirm my bias or lend me new biases to assign to their character type, if that’s even really possible. After writing this out, I might tend to think I need a therapist to resolve all of this deep-seated animosity, except in the back of my puny brain, I know that life’s too short and that snap decisions must be made so I can protect the little bit of gray matter that still functions in this old man’s withering brain.

Sweet Jeezus, a passenger on my right, is in the third cycle of disinfecting herself and everything around her. Take a drink and immediately swab her face with an alcohol wipe. Stuff that infected wipe into the Ziploc bag she brought along just for the ritual. Then, in a flash, the enlightenment I didn’t know I really wanted: watch videos so you can tune everyone else around you out of existence. That’s the key: people watch TV to erase their existence and deny that anyone else might be intruding into whatever bit of awareness hasn’t died yet. Hence, zombie movies are popular as a kind of documentary of what, to me, looks like what happens when too much awareness has been kept alive.

Time to turn to the toilet, as isn’t that an essential consideration for flying? With a serious concentration on clearing my bowels before I left Arizona, I was successful in evacuating the old pooper at home. That’s right, in the comfort of my home, I was able to find excretory relief. This is important, as a man of 230 pounds who can’t imagine reaching down between my fat thighs to shove my hand into that tiny hole of a cold steel toilet I have to crap in and find my ass to clean it. I can’t really imagine how anyone has ever done that; hence, you can read this as my admission that I’ve never dropped a number 2 at 35,000 feet. Others are even more anxious than I am when it comes to evacuation while aloft, as I’ve seen much evidence left by the man who, knowing that women also have to use these facilities, failed to lift the seat and, in a moment of turbulence simply pissed willy-nilly all over the seat and much of the floor.

I should have more to share about my digestive process while flying, and just as I think I’m at a loss to offer more, I realize that many a reader might be able to relate to the situation that after a long-distance flight, the chocolate starfish on my backside seems to seal shut for approximately two days until it overcomes the trauma that might have required it to release in a space far too intimate for those who were broken during our formative potty-training years. Yep, I’m butthole and shit stink shy of ever enjoying whatever pleasure might exist by letting go of any mounting pressure while flying. For all the crap that flows from my mouth, I can imagine many people I’ve known wondering how somebody who lets so much fall from his maw should not take pride in pooping on a plane. Obviously, not one of my superpowers.

Approaching the time to descend into Denver.

And before I know it I’m on Lufthansa flight LH447 direct to Frankfurt, Germany. The flight will take 9 hours 45 minutes and already I’m relaxed as I’m surrounded by travelers going home to Sweden, Turkey, Germany, and other points I’ve not ascertained. Talked with a young American lady who is studying abroad and shared her difficulties of jumping through flaming hoops to get into Germany at this time. Even my entry is not a guaranteed deal, as I’ll have to convince the authorities that I have valid family reasons for coming to Europe. Hopefully, with the digital images of documents that show Caroline and I are married, Jutta’s number at her assisted living facility, and Klaus as the last resort to verify things, I’ll breeze through the gauntlet of challenges.

My flight has wifi, and my seat has an outlet, so I’m all set to remain busy getting these writings into my blog so Caroline might try keeping up with the onslaught of words that are about to start falling into her eyeballs and mind. For the moment, there are no photos to accompany the previous 1,800 words I drolled on with, but hopefully, as we fly along, I’ll take some photos that will likely look very similar to other photos I’ve taken from the air while heading towards Europe. Time to close this down for a few while we move towards take-off.

Quick note: we are 8,096km from Frankfurt, and the time of flight has been updated to 8 hours 45 minutes.

Airplane Food

Search harder, John; there must be something in that noggin I’ve not repeated 427 times already, but that’s all I’m finding as we skirt at a hair over 1,000 km/h above the surface of the earth. We just passed 10,000 meters in elevation and entered the bitter cold world of -54 Celsius. Dinner service is about to begin, which feels early, but it’s 5:30 p.m. in Phoenix and 6:30 in Denver, so I guess this is as good a time as any to sup. The wifi is not on yet, as I’m guessing they want to get everyone through dinner and drinks before people zone out in entertainment land. Just then, my memory tells me that I have cashews in my bag. Time for a pre-dinner snack.

I wonder, does Caroline miss me yet? We’ve already chatted 30 times and Skyped on video after I boarded my flight to Germany. I know she misses me, and I miss her. It would be pointless to go on and on about our situation, but that’s never stopped me from beating dead horses all over this blog. So I’ll reiterate this: I MISS CAROLINE. Ooh…the dinner cart is being dragged by.

Dinner was exactly what you might have expected: meh, but the brie was nice.

Seven hours forty-eight minutes to Frankfurt. My face was having a steam bath, but at least I was able to bum a surgical mask from another passenger that allowed me to exit the N95, which was seriously hotter. Fabric masks are not permitted, and passengers were informed that they’d be denied boarding if they didn’t put on one of the two types allowed.

Hazy View of the Sky

I’d like to grab a photo outside, but I’m on the left of the craft and have the sun pummeling me if I dare have my shade open; plus, it’s so hazy I’d have little to show you. Here, I’ll prove it.

Maybe I should have brought a book? I’d decided against it as, knowing me, I’d struggle to keep up processing photos and trying to capture the day in words. I managed to pack everything I’d need for 36 days in one carry-on bag; there was little room for much else. I even fit my pillow in my luggage.

Somehow, my thoughts drift to the idea that if I could just get on wifi and say hello to Caroline, I could relax into writing something more compelling than the mundane moment by moment blather I’m droning on about. Just because I’m aware of this shortcoming doesn’t mean I’m going to fight it and not continue this thread of nothingness, though.

The shades are closed and night has fallen on us here in our seats as the sun continues blazing outside our aircraft. Also continuing to blaze along are the vocal cords of infants who’ve been wailing for a good two hours. Slowly, they are starting to fade as, hopefully, the dimmed ambiance of the cabin and white noise will lull them to sleep. As for me, I’m trying to make it another two or three hours, so I might get three or four hours of sleep before stepping into mid-day after we land.

Just as I thought, following dinner, we were able to get online. For 17 Euros, I have a limited connection, and it wasn’t worth the $20 I’m paying. For 29 Euros or $34, I am promised a faster connection, but I’m reluctant to test those waters. Anyway, besides chatting the same thing over and over to Caroline, I don’t really want a connection to the larger world.

While the kids continue nattering away, with the loudest one finally done screaming, I’m getting sleepy, or so I’m trying to convince myself. Just then, the screaming Swedish baby starts up again, and her stressed-out mom heads for the back of the plane sans infant. I think the parent’s nerves are growing raw. Soon, my own nerves are going to fray. This baby is nearly relentless.

Late Night Over The Earth

We are under five hours from Frankfurt, and I’m getting nervous I won’t get a bit of sleep, though I’ve tried. I know I can muscle through tomorrow, but I’ll be spongy-brained. Hah, I can hear anyone who’s read this far thinking, “Dude, you already are spongy-brained.” I have tons of legroom as I’m in a seat behind a divider to business class, and no one is sitting next to me. I also don’t have any way of directing air at myself, and with this mask on, I’m overheating. I’m not inclined to take it off and test the system as stewards walk by regularly inspecting us for compliance. The Germans are not messing around as far as air travel is concerned.

The Swedish family is finally resting, as is the entire plane. I wish I knew how others were able to just go to sleep on command even though their body clock is likely saying, “Yo, it’s too early for this.”

Obviously, staring blankly at this screen won’t get me any restorative sleep, so once again, I’ll close up the laptop and try my best to get some sleep. Maybe with my shoes off, I’ll feel sleepier? Whatever.

Johns New Socks

There’s that place somewhere during a long-haul flight where one loses track of time. While trying to drift into sleep but keenly aware of a cramped body trying to find comfort in a near-vertical position, made more difficult by the tug of rubber bands from the mandatory mask behind my ears that seem to slice ever so slightly into flesh. But somehow, something sleep-like was had, and though it was fleeting, we tried to convince ourselves that we were now rested. How long had I slept well? It won’t be until you are face to face with a passport control officer that you realize how wrecked you are. Stepping into a busy city at mid-day while your internal clock tells you that it’s 2:00 a.m. is a subtle process that competes with trying to make sense of the dramatic shift in language and that you have to secure some local currency so you can move about freely. In the meantime, I can spend a few minutes trying to get a good photo of the new socks Caroline knitted me and that I’m wearing for the first time on this trip.

Morning On Approach To Europe

After starting to stir I thought it a good idea to peek outside. I was nearly blinded by this folly, but now I’m also fully aware that we transitioned from the dusk-like zone to the oh-my-god; it’s the middle of the day in a European capital that I’m about to encounter. Soon, the aircrew will start bringing up the lights to create an artificial transition to morning, and we’ll be served our first meal of the day. But this is an extension of last night, and I’m feeling confused. After a breakfast that, based on the clock, is too late, yet based on my body clock, it’s happening in the middle of the night; we’ll start the process of being ushered into the cattle yard to be sorted into our next destinations.

The last 20 hours of life spent in the process of traveling is a blur of moments trying to extract something meaningful that relates to what I am about to embark on, but the reality is that I squirm in roles of trying to be sophisticated and entertained, locked in a tiny space waiting for others to be finished with the transport of my body. This is not glamorous, nor is it enlightening; it’s mobility torture for the sake of celebrating mobility when one finally begins the real journey of being somewhere.

This is a powerful reminder that when confined. the internet is of little service in rescuing you from the inescapable. The internet, for me, is only able to fill gaps with mindlessness or knowledge when sandwiched into the luxury of options that I’m struggling to make. Do I go for coffee, make music, read, watch cat videos, meet a friend for lunch, or go grocery shopping? When no options exist but to persist in place, I find what the internet has to offer as banal as the TV I so vehemently eschew. I wonder how we encode options against the economic and time realities we exist within and how the media becomes the crutch we turn to when indecisiveness and ambiguity are facing us.

One plumbs a lot of boredom and idle time under constraints and restrictions to kick-start our minds into finding viable options to lead us through the moments where our decisions to act are severely diminished. Comfort to have options might not be our best friend when we are aware of our desire to manifest a different reality, and so we must bind ourselves in ways that at once punish our mind and body while simultaneously liberating our imagination to create constructs that offer viable outlets for minds that want to explode in the power to manifest an undefined new reality.

John on board near Germany

My fellow passengers have started to stir, and others are repeating the mistake I made earlier, opening their window shades. Just as quickly as one opens, it closes. We are only 90 minutes away from our encounter with a different world, and somehow, this is all quite different than my previous visits. Maybe in our post-pandemic world, our senses are being reset, and it’s not as easy to take for granted what we used to enjoy. If I’m allowed to enter the European Union, I’ll be stepping onto ground where national governments are not yet at ease about the consequences of people making selfish decisions and those moving about potentially sharing a deadly virus. What I find in Germany might be a shock compared to Phoenix, where my transition to pandemic existence was relatively gradual.

Enough writing for now. I’m ready to fling open the shade and see this side of Earth. Bring me something to eat and kick me off this plane; I need to stretch my legs and see how my mind exercises itself in this tomorrow that arrives at a peculiar time.

Next time I have to travel wearing a mask I must remind myself to have mints with me and a toothbrush in easy reach. I need a second mask with me, too, as this one just broke, and I’d like to avoid the N95 as I move through the airport and try to be understood by passport control. Speaking of entering another country, my anxiety wants to make itself known, but if the Germans decide that family helping out family in a bind is not reason enough to allow my entry, well, that’s fate and just the way it is. I’m confident that my ducks are in a row, but the people I’m about to encounter know significantly more about order than I ever will.

Okay, breakfast is done. We are awaiting a sweep for trash and I’m expecting I will lose wifi shortly. With sunshine streaming in through opened windows, my senses are telling me to reach out to Caroline, but it’s 1:00 a.m. when she puts her head down for the night. She won’t be up for about 3.5 hours, meaning, yes, she’s waking at 4:30. Why so early? To go for a walk, talk with me, and then put herself in that infernal machine called a car that she’ll have to pilot to her office.

About to land in Frankfurt Germany

Only 45 minutes left before touchdown. Time to turn my attention to putting things away and getting ready to start blogging about what lies ahead.