This is a long-time friend, Kirk M., a.k.a. Capt. Kirk: part-time DJ, musician, odd jobber, and purveyor of other stuff. Kirk recently had the opportunity to spend some quality time with Sheriff Joe and his men at the infamous Tent City. After more than six months as a prisoner in our local jail, he was set free. Kirk failed to pay child support; truth be known, Kirk was unable to make enough money to pay the monthly payment from his pittance as DJ. So now he is to work odd jobs and forfeit most of whatever he makes so he can stay out of jail.

While in jail, Kirk learned the local Tent City hierarchy of prisoner politics and has shared with me what I am passing on to you today.

The jail is effectively divided into constituencies delineated by race, more or less, although the races are free to mix and befriend one another. The various ethnicities are as follows: Chicanos these are Mexican-Americans, who either by birth in America or by indoctrination are now Mexican-Americans, which are held to be in great contrast to the Piasas. Piasas are real Mexicans; they come from the homeland and are not Americanized like the Chicanos. Kinfolk are African Americans, and I am sure that true Africans would have their own grouping if there were, in fact, any held in the tents. Caucasians or whites are Woods, from the old term Peckerwood. Next, we have the Chiefs, who are Native Americans, and lastly, the Cheetos, who are the gays in jail.

These distinct groups are ruled by a Head, except the Cheetos, who are headless. The rules in jail between prisoners are very seriously enforced between those being incarcerated. Rules and regulations are important here as they keep peace in the yard, and more importantly, the guards keep their distance and would rather have the prisoners deal with infractions to make the guards’ jobs easier and to keep the jail population cool in dealing with the authorities. This can be a win/win situation.

When a rule is transgressed, the victim must report the violation to the Head of the group to which the perpetrator belongs to, not to their own group Head. Punishment is typically handled within the offender’s race to keep racial tension as low as possible in such a volatile environment.

If two races were involved in the violation, the Heads of the two groups would come into “Council” to determine the fate of the accused. There are three levels of an infraction: minor, major, and serious. In the case of major or serious rule-breaking, all group Heads might come together in Council in order to administer punishment.

The Heads carry out punishment with the usage of “Torpedoes.” A Torpedo is an individual chosen for their ability to knock someone out with a single punch. Each group Head employs three Torpedoes to act as the group’s rule enforcers.

For a Minor Infraction, a “Chin Check” is issued. This is a single solid punch to the chin that is intended to knock out the offender. The Torpedo who delivers this blow is from the offender’s own race to avoid hostility from the appearance that could arise from someone suggesting that a Kinfolk punched unfairly a Wood or a Cheeto. Examples of minor infractions are someone urinating on a toilet as opposed to into the toilet, digging in the trash, making your group look bad, or disrespecting a Head or a Detention Officer (a.k.a. D.O.). Disrespecting a D.O. brings the wrath of the officers down on all groups without discrimination and so the inmates enforce a level of respect for their jailers.

A Major Infraction is even worse news for the offender. This is when a “Smashing” order is issued by the Council. A Smashing will bring all three Torpedoes from his group to have a free-for-all. The recipient of a Chin Check will get up after a few minutes, but a Smashing will cause serious hurt as a reminder of the mistake for days to come. A major infraction is stealing and fighting someone from another race. Interestingly, no fighting is allowed amongst the men who are doing time, but this does not apply to the area where people in temporary lock-up are housed.

The Serious Infraction is the highest violation of rules and decorum. Punishment is going to come down with radical brutality. The Council issues a “Rainbow”. A Rainbow is the attending of all Torpedoes to mete out punishment. Typically, this involves approximately 15 Torpedoes knocking on the offender’s door. This cannot be good, and I believe most readers’ imaginations will play out the conclusion of such an encounter.

A Serious Infraction is defined as snitching or stealing a drop. A drop is an in-camp airdrop from the outside world where a “Quarterback” does a drive-by on the other side of the fence and chucks a delivery over the two fences to a receiver. In an incredible show of sensibility, 20% of the drop material is divided between the Heads who use it to supply the poor and indigent amongst the prisoners – this keeps lips sealed and the less fortunate loyal to the overall population.

Under certain circumstances, the above rules, which only apply to the main yard, are cast aside. Using the term “Punk” or “Bitch” opens the floodgates, and it is man-on-man, but only within the same race or group. A question left unanswered for me here is, what if a Cheeto calls a Wood a Punk, is a Cheeto only allowed to fight other Cheetos?

If you are in the secondary yard where drunks, weekenders, work release, or the recently locked up are held, no rules are in effect. This is where you “Man-Up” or “Roll-Up” and a recent arrestee might find they need to fight or ask for protective custody. Protective custody has its own problems, as this is known as “Punk City.” As a citizen of Punk City, you are now an honorary punk, also known as a bitch; this is bad news.

So, what happens when the Council fails to correct a problem or the problem is so big that the authorities must get involved? This brings out the “Turtles”. The Turtles are the Special Response Team (SRT) and are the yard’s worst nightmare. Turtles are big, really big, over 250 pounds each kind of big. Wearing full battle gear, the Turtles arrive with shin protectors, knee pads, stab vests, elbow pads, jackboots, shields, and other weaponry.

Turtles typically try to use non-lethal weapons to corral and control the situation. The first weapon of choice is the “Devastator” followed by the “Mega-Devastator”; these are fire extinguisher-like devices under great pressure filled with pepper spray. Next in the arsenal is “Paintball Guns”. These are no ordinary paintball guns; these use over 800psi of air to shoot the target, compared to the consumer version that shoots with only 300psi of pressure. The paintballs themselves are filled with mace. To maintain a safe perimeter, the Turtles are carrying shields fortified with edges that are actually Tasers.

Let the games begin!