Why do I feel so disconnected from this old routine of taking up a spot in a coffee shop and turning on the word spigot? Maybe my mask is interfering with the neural pathway that allows thoughts to form and find an uninterrupted flow to my fingers. This being Thursday and the 4th day of a 5-day fast, maybe starvation is having an impact as it’s typically been this day that is the foggiest. Or could the entire planet experiencing this collective moment of uncertainty be a contributing factor? On one hand, I can almost see 22-year-old John floundering in what is the meaning of everything, but that version of me I thought was mostly out of sight. One might then suggest this is my long overdue midlife crisis, but I’d argue that that is like thinking I might enter a second puberty. I’m not worried about my own value in this world but have this nagging feeling that something is amiss, and this return to what had been normal is some strange facade that isn’t real.

Beyond the veil of delusion is our new normal that’s not been defined yet as it’s still rapidly or maybe glacially evolving. Thrusting myself forward, I’m out here grasping at any emergent signs I might gather in order to interpret if an order of things is observable. Tentative and uncertain is how I see much of this current situation, while the holdouts from the previous age are determined to march forward as though nothing has changed. Maybe they have it figured out somehow?

So now what? I don’t know, I just don’t know. I’ll continue sitting here in the clouds, pondering these bigger questions.