How often do you shake your head when eavesdropping on “experts,” spouting off and effectively berating the ears of those they are holding captive? They move through a tirade, espousing profound insights that are so obviously correct to themselves that they are indignant that there should be any other viewpoint.

Sometimes, they confront someone they’ve joined for a meal, and as we sit there awaiting our food, they put on display for the tables within earshot their intolerance, bias, and general lack of knowledge regarding the nuances that are integral to reality. Their one-size-fits-all ideas of solutions are short-sighted and indicative of someone living in an ancient pre-history bubble.

If you want to meet the nicest people in society, look for those who know how to listen and seem genuinely interested in what others have to say. The person who listens is processing what you are saying and trying to find a sympathetic complimentary conversation that will engage you, and if they are well-read, they will know when to offer a challenging opinion else they’ve hopefully learned to play it safe and recognize that there is no having a discussion with you as they continue to nod politely.

When our opinions and knowledge are malleable, we are allowing ourselves to benefit from social interactions where we can encounter the graciousness of civility from others interested in sharing. On the other hand, when we surround ourselves with an echo chamber of voices that reinforce our biases, we are trying to ensure that our cocoon remains an insulating bulwark against the marauding terror of those who “Don’t know the real truth.”

Also, in this category of public display of stupidity is loud gossip. While gossip is an essential part of the social bonding that must take place and has likely been integral to our ability to live in large groups, in days past, it was done relatively privately as it dealt with rumors and was on occasion hostile towards the person or persons it was about. Today, it is done in the open. It is not uncommon to hear employees talking about other staff in derogatory terms or people talking about their relatives or even spouses in less than flattering ways.

Is this all because we started living outside in public? Did our phones becoming mobile move idle chatter into earshot of everyone else? And now, because we assumed no one was listening to our “private” calls, we can have “private” face-to-face conversations where nobody is listening? Or am I simply being rude by eavesdropping on what should be private in public?