The boogeymen of mailbox thievery lurk in our neighborhood. I thought those thieves wanted our TV, cash, car, identity, hidden jewels, family jewels, and my virginity; heck, if they left all that stuff, they could have my junk mail. Maybe we should go back to the slot in the front door where the mailman used to deliver the mail, and kids pushed dog turds through; well, I did once or twice.